Yesterday, the news of Robsten’s implosion rocked some areas of the web. I commented that the cause of the implosion, Kristen Stewart’s infidelity, was not the result of anything wrong in her and Robert Pattinson’s relationship, but fueled by cultural dictates proclaiming that our early 20s are too soon to settle down. In short, our modern norms create the very immaturity that culture uses as evidence of immaturity. Yesterday, I discussed how that that happens for women. Today, I want to look at what this dynamic does to men.
It turns them into the hardened misogynists we are trying to eradicate.
Every man who does not start out as the sex-seeking, alpha male jerk has a girl in his past who did the “I’m not ready for a commitment,” also known as the “it’s not you, it’s me,” breakup. Well, every man might be an exaggeration, but not by much. These young men loved their girlfriends, offered them their strength, support, and protection — all things that many women claim to want in a husband and father in about 10-15 years. In short, these young men make themselves vulnerable to women, but the women aren’t ready yet, often because we tell them they aren’t ready yet. Whether these young and naive women unceremoniously dump their dedicated beau or humiliate him through cuckoldry, he walks away devastated. He trusted and was betrayed.
Typically, two things happen simultaneously, one internal and one cultural. Internally, the young men retreat into themselves. Having made themselves so vulnerable, they vow to not make that mistake again. Culturally, we often tell a man to get over a girl by sleeping with every willing girl he can find. To see how fun that might be, go watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall, specifically the post breakup sex montage, including such passionate moments as “Are you crying?” “Hi,” and “I think I have an STD.”
Notice, that this is the only point that what we tell young women and what we tell young men, syncs. First the men are ready for commitment but the women aren’t. Later, when the women are ready, the men aren’t. In the middle, we tell the young women to get experience, that is sleep around, and tell young men to drown their heartache in lots of sex. This is why 20somethings spend so much time rutting about. They don’t have out of control libidos so much as we tell them to sleep around–and here is the best part. We tell them this so they can make better choices when the time is right. It doesn’t work out that way.