A few days ago, I took my kids to one of those places with giant inflatable slides that sane people avoid. My best friend was in town for her once-a-year visit home and in order to show the kids a “good time” took them to inflatable kid heaven, otherwise known as the Jump Zone.
It’s always a mistake, with the noise level and the creeping panic attacks (“Is my kid ever going to come out of there and if not, will I fit because I didn’t squeeze into my Spanx today?”) This time was no exception. I had a truth-moment that will be forever etched on my soul that announced over the loudspeaker in my brain, “Society is doomed. Most people are idiots.” My father says he came to this conclusion many years ago and there’s no big news in it. I always held out hope that the majority of the idiots were the ones who landed on the news for tattooing their ex with depictions of excrement or on the Maury Povich show with a 200 pound eight-year-old. Most people, I thought, are your neighbors who are sane, decent folks. Not so! It turns out the world is littered with mopes and I have proof.
The Jump Zone is a terrible place to go if you want to catch up with a girlfriend. First of all, the noise level is deafening, but more importantly, the children roam free to create destruction like crazed Cornish Pixies and if you don’t keep up with them they could bloody a nose or worse, walk out the door never to be seen again. (Don’t get me started on the lack of proper caging structures.) Because of these dangers, my girlfriend and I exchanged about twenty words in an hour which all started with, “Did you see…?” or “Where is…?” And so we followed and searched and scolded and directed and assisted the way one must as a mother. Or I should say, should.
There were many other mothers there that day but oddly enough, they weren’t doing any of the things we were. In fact, they were happily parked on benches yapping with each other like they were at Starbucks with a nanny at home. In the meantime, their children were terrorizing ours in ways that would have gotten them arrested if they were a few years older. My girlfriend’s three-year-old made it all the way to the top of a very precarious perch just to have some overanxious boy shove her off. She fell about 10 feet to the inflated surface below, unharmed but scared and screaming. The boy, about 6, never even looked back, his mother an invisible mystery. No adult came forward to claim the vicious little brat or to reprimand him and demand an apology for this anti-social behavior. My 5-year-old made a beeline for him and told him off in her babyish way. “That wasn’t nice!” she said in her best Mommy voice. He shoved past her and went on with his reign of terror.
Two minutes later, my 2-year-old was happily standing on top of a plastic baby slide just watching the chaos in front of her when another little boy, old enough to know better (7?), came charging up to the slide, grabbed the whole thing, and started rocking it and tipping it over. Something snapped inside my brain as I watched my baby’s face shrink in terror as this monster tried to topple her tower with her in it. I was on him in less than four seconds. I dug my fingers into his ribs and shouted at him, “NO!” in the exact same voice I reserve for the dog when he’s got my shoes.
He dropped the playset and turned to me, shocked, and I continued to scold him uncaring of who was watching. I’m not sure what I said, something about manners and ending up in jail, but I hope he’ll remember it the next time he tries to harm a baby. I looked up, expecting to face his either sheepish or angry parent and to my surprise, no one came. He disappeared into the melee and that was that.
These are only two of the episodes that occurred in that hour. Other, equally disturbing acts of torment continued for our time there, and in no instance did any parent but my friend or me intervene. This parenting trend to outright ignore one’s children is puzzling but everywhere. I’m no Parent of the Year here. I mean — I ignore my kids plenty when we’re at home and they’re safe and I have stuff to do. But to take them out somewhere were they could hurt themselves or others and ignore them is an outrage. But I have a solution that I’ve decided can reverse this problem, but it will require your help: We’re going to engage in verbal fisticuffs.
The current wisdom says don’t make a fuss because you never know who has a gun or a knife or who’s crazy and will cut you. It’s always a possibility. But have we become so scared by the minute possibility of a random act of violence that we will just watch society degenerate into a place where chaos reigns because parents can’t take responsibility? This is the kind of environment, the Lord-of-the-Flies syndrome, that creates more thugs. Unchecked childish violence becomes unrestrained adult carnage and all of us will pay for it one day. I say, no more! I will not be silent when I witness juveniles acting badly in public. Instead of saying something just to them, the way I did with the little bulldozer boy, I will also seek out their mom or dad, take the offender to them, and make my case for that parent to do his or her job better. Sounds dangerous, doesn’t it? What can I say? I like to live on the edge.
The point is, we all live here. The world is like a big house. There are rules of the house and if the sheriff isn’t doing his job, I’m appointing myself deputy. It’s time to step up if you want to save America. We have a nation full of takers out there. Takers who would trample their neighbor for a $3 waffle iron, and it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing that a mother should have to be told to watch her child. Maybe embarrassment needs to make a come-back.
My dad is a living example of this kind of public behavior policing.
This is not a man you want to cross. Besides being six-feet tall with fists like hams, he has no fear and a code. You do not break the code (and if you do he’ll let you know). We were dining out one night at a casual place and were unfortunately seated next to a teenaged boy on a date.
The adolescent thoroughly enjoyed using all kinds of salty language very loudly and continuously while surrounded by young families with always-watching little ones absorbing every curse. The dining area was unusually quiet as everyone around Sir Swears-A-Lot sat frozen in dismay, unsure of what to do. My dad heard the F-word one too many times for his liking and stood up. We knew what was coming. He walked over to the boy, put his hands on the table in front of him and leaned down into his face and growled something like this:
Son, if I hear one more foul word out of your mouth I’m coming back over here and it won’t be to talk. You shut your filthy mouth, show some respect to this young lady you’re with and everyone else in here, understand?
Then he sat back down and continued to eat. You could feel the relief from the other diners that someone had finally said something and predictably, the boy didn’t utter another sound for the rest of his meal. One brave man rescued a room full of people from an unpleasant dining experience.
My sister is scary too. She’s not big or intimidating; in fact, she barely weighs 110 lbs but like my father, she has no fear. She has told me on more than one occasion that the reason she has courage is because she does not fear death. Never have I met a person with more courage than Deirdre.
A few years ago she was in downtown Chicago at Navy Pier enjoying the sights with family. They were standing in line for famous Chicago kettle corn alongside other families with young children. At the end of the line two young punks started harassing the crowd. One was trying to hustle shoe shines while the other intimidated those who said no. To one woman who refused, the thug said, “Don’t matter if you hold that purse, lady. I can take it from you.”
As the punks made their way up the line, Deirdre heard one of them start in on a father who was holding a toddler on his shoulders. The dad was frozen with fear. What could he do while holding his baby? Deirdre had reached her limit. She wheeled around, walked within inches of one of the offenders, and slapped him directly across the face. (I know! Assault! I don’t recommend this, but it works for her.)
The punk was shocked, to say the least. He backed up and said, “Hey! Why’d you hit me?”
And she said, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! What would your mother say if she saw you harassing women and children like this? You march yourself back to those people and apologize and then get out of here right now!” Unbelievably, he did exactly that. Once she scared a burglar away in the exact same way as he was standing over her bed in the dead of night. Another time, she scared the heck out of a suitor of a roommate who failed to properly announce himself in their college dorm. The message is clear around my sister. Tread thoughtfully.
These stories are entertaining and fun to hear but they are important too. We live with a very thin veil between order and chaos. Has it ever occurred to you that it might be your responsibility to push back against the madness? Popular theory says you can save the world through recycling, but what will it matter if the world falls into the hands of bullies and pigs?
We fear that the worst will happen if we say something about someone’s bad behavior — and that’s always a possibility — but probability lies on the side of the idiot backing down. When a bully faces no opposition, the bullying only gets worse. It takes a brave soul to stand up, draw the line in the sand, and declare “No further!” It’s the reason the Iron Curtain tore and the Berlin Wall crumbled. It’s the medicine for the national crisis we are in both financially and morally and it starts at home in your community. Personal responsibility, a phrase conservatives have been hawking for years, along with courage is the remedy for all of it.
My friend Sandi and me (pregnant) with little Veronica in the stroller at the first Tea Party protest in Chicago
The American people (mostly conservatives) began standing up to their representatives at town-hall meetings a few years ago and started demanding their government stop spending money it doesn’t have. Their involvement sparked a movement that changed the face of local governments across this nation.
The fight for the moral compass of this country is on and it won’t be won without push-back. The OWS protests are the antithesis of personal responsibility. They are the ones whose parents abdicated their responsibility and allowed them to cut in line and push babies down on the playground. They are the ones who feel entitled to have the first turn, your toys, free college courses in queer studies, or anything else they want simply because they weren’t properly socialized. (And yet they consider themselves “socialists” or something. )
Chances are they went to public school where, I am informed, all children go to get “socialized.” I was in a room full of publicly socialized children at the Jump Zone and if that’s as good as it gets I’ll pass and continue my home-socialization experiment. (I home-school.) After all, my kids aren’t the ones knocking over babies and cutting in line.
The continued prosperity of this nation will depend, as it always has, on its people and their moral character. A nation such as this cannot be sustained by a bunch of whining me-firsters who have never seen a day of hard work in their lives and never felt the sting of a paddle on their backsides when they needed it. (For you non-spankers out there, whatever works, but believe me when I tell you there are certain kids that, if denied spanking in childhood, will get spanked by life and it will hurt a lot more than a swat on the tush now.)
Realistically, you can’t administer a spanking to a kid who’s not yours, but you can verbally discipline anyone from young to old anywhere you encounter nonsense. This is a tactic we need to embrace as conservatives. We should try to spread it like the Gospel and do it in public where it is most needed. Conservative values raise decent human beings. We believe in hard work, taking turns, respect, rewarding good behavior, economic freedom, and all other manner of worthwhile morals that are sorely lacking in today’s youth. Permissive progressive parenting leads to lazy, incompetent grabbers who squat on private property and get arrested for masturbating on passersby because they don’t want to pay for their student loans.
This kind of parenting creates non-Americans. It strips the American spirit right out of American children by denying them the chance to understand what it is we do here and who we are. We are good people, we are giving people, we care for each other and that’s why we need to stand up and refuse to allow coming generations to become looting parasites. They need someone to call them on their idiocy and that someone is you.
This is a true story. The time is the middle 1960′s and our family is driving down a suburban street. An 8 year old (approximately) boy stands at the edge of his yard and purposely throws a large beach ball, bouncing it off our car moving at, say, around 20 to 30 mph. My father pulls over to the side of the road, gets out, and starts to walk toward the kid who runs back to his front door. Out pops the mother who runs up to my father yelling at him. Her response was so quick that it is very likely she had been watching all along, and her behavior looked odd enough to suggest she was a beer or two short of a six pack. What should my father have done at this point?
I’ve actually had a similar incident take place two years ago while my dad was driving me home from work one day.
We were passing through the neighborhood next to ours and saw a kid standing on the sidewalk. He was tiny, big grin on his face, probably about 4 or 5. And he had his arm back.
Moments later, there was a sharp WHUNK – he had thrown a small rock at our windshield! And almost immediately was doubled over in childish laughter.
My dad slowed, pulled over, and I got out with him. We didn’t even exchange any words! The child immediately fled into an open garage door as soon as we stopped the car, and we walked calmly to the front door and rang the doorbell.
Thankfully, the woman that answered was not belligerent or hostile – the child had gotten out when he wasn’t supposed to, we politely related what just happened and she earnestly insisted she would reprimand the child and -thanked- us.
A small bit of good manners and politeness in the face of rowdy children can go a long way. Not all parents ignore their children by design.
At least he tried. That’s all I’m saying…try to make a difference. Don’t stay silent and let it all go to hell. Sometimes it won’t work…people are morons…but sometimes it will. So I say go for it.
Dad should have demanded to see her husband and the miscreant’s father if they were the same man. Once “Dad” is standing there, make him understand that he is responsible for the actions of his brat and his shrew of a wife. If that requires force so be it. Usually only takes the handing over of your attorney’s business card.
Megan, Would you let your children into the chimpanzee pen at the zoo? Why in all that is holy would you take them to such a place? I refuse to patronize Chuck E. Cheese and such places for this very reason. As I would probably get arrested.
LOL! I agree with you. I went temporarily insane. I also refuse to go to Chuck E. Cheese and the like and I assure you that was my last trip to the Jump Zone.
Sic transit gloria mundi….
Mrs. Fox, I salute you.
The nation has filled, slowly but steadily, with vipers, pansies, and fatcats. If we haven’t yet reached a tipping point, it’s because of persons such as your dad, your sister Deirdre, and you. I hope there are enough of you.
I work in retail and that has made me something of a people-watcher, especially during working hours. Among other things, we sell school supplies, so we get many customers bringing children. Whenever the parent mentions that the kids are homeschooled, without exception, I notice excellent behavior on the part of both kids and parents. No surprise there!
I think that a lot of bad behavior is learned at school and condoned by parents who have much the same attitudes themselves. They vicariously live out their hostilities via their children, using them as weapons against the rest of the world.
Sadly, many kids go to daycare all day until school age. Then, they have before and after school care. During these times, it’s open melee where all sorts of anti-social behavior is learned. Most parents who send their little ones to these animal farms don’t even see it (because they see their children only 2-3 hours a day), and are profoundly surprised when their ‘precious one’ is arrested as an older child or young adult. Numerous studies show that day-care raised children are more aggressive and antisocial than those who spend the majority of their time at home.
We home schooled our children for a couple of years, and they are now consistently in the top 5% of their public school classes, with great manners to boot.
What the author describes at the playground is pretty much the default parenting style in America, with all the behavioral consequences that implies.
Now, a lot of conservatives bemoan our decreasing birth rate, and put it down to selfishness or materialism, but I suspect that’s not usually the problem. When the sort of children the author observes appear to be the rule, and not the exception, you’re much less likely to view them as a blessing, or as desirable or lovable. For all you can see, it’s a lifetime of sacrifice for individuals you don’t currently know, but have every reason to suspect will be ungovernable and borderline monstrous. Young people’s interpersonal experiences suggest that their children are as likely to be decent human beings as they are to have perfect pitch or an extra finger. So where’s the upside?
Long story short, I don’t believe that contemporary parenting (in real life and in the media) has undergone enough scrutiny w/r/t shrinking families, and the powerful negative influence they exert on having children.
Ok, so that’s a good thing. Natural thermostat – they have less kids, we have more….
Whoever “they” and “we” are, I suspect that any negative influences affect observant would-be parents equally.
Ma’am,
You are spot on. I have the honor to serve as a Soldier in the US Army and can relate a similar story at an airport in Texas. My wife and I were traveling to Utah when a man (I dare not use the word Gentleman) sat down in the gate waiting area and proceeded to make a very loud and disruptive phone call so that all could hear. I can usually put up with this kind of behavior, but when every other word out of his mouth was a profanity, in the presence of families traveling on the flight it was too much. My wife was concerned about not getting involved, but as no one else would, I did. I sat down next to the man, broke into his phone conversation and told him as professionally as possible to “At ease” and tone down the “BS” in the presence of the women and children in the area. The man looked at me, looked around at the other passengers, and got up and left quietly. When I went back to sit with my wife, another gentlemen who stood about about 6’4/220lbs came over to me and said, “Thank you and if he had tried something, I would have had your back!” Maybe the is hope for the “good guys.”
I wonder if that man would have said something if you hadn’t. It always takes one person to come forward before others get brave. Bless you.
Bill Whittle recently made the point that American culture awaits the leader. As soon as one man moves towards the burning building the rest will follow, they just waited for a leader, Solder you are a leader.
I run into this same sort of attitude when driving, especially with the “twenty-something” driver. For example, I’ll find myself sitting at the red light, behind a car, and when the light turns green, we don’t move. After 4-5 seconds, I’ll tap -not blare- the horn. Eight times out of 10, the driver will immediately look into the rear view mirror, make eye contact, then flip me off. It’s crazy, and not a good sign for the future.
This degenerate standard of behavior started a while back. Inadequate education causes spite and rebellion without warrant in the wasted mind of those who don’t have enough discipline. This is also what leads to bullying. A child who has earned a sense of self worth within a disciplined environment will not be tempted to bully others. Bullying is what those in the grips of self-doubt do. It is a panic reflex in those who have not learned to reach their goals with patience and effort. Bullying is in fact a tacit admission of moral confusion and inner weakness. They desperately need to be opposed. When properly confronted, they in fact do back off. Their experience leads them to expect that nobody will dare confront them, which is why they are completely off-balance when someone suddenly acts fearlessly towards them.
Eventually, tolerating misbehavior is the beginning of social breakdown, which is only the precursor to economic breakdown. That’s why I don’t like the meme about conservatives these days being more concerned with economic threats than loss of public morality. It’s the other way around, and it won’t change until we stop tolerating what will ultimately lead to our collective demise.
‘That’s why I don’t like the meme about conservatives these days being more concerned with economic threats than loss of public morality.’
Thank you! I’m glad somebody agrees with me. That’s why I find it ironic that conservatives and libertarians complain about politicians always kicking the problem down the road when it comes to economics but they’re doing the same thing when they tell social conservatives to stop talking about social issues because we’ve got more urgent problems. What they don’t realize is they’re treating the symptoms, not the cause.
David,
Thank you and the Professor both for voicing well what I wish I could articulate better. I don’t desire to force my beliefs on someone else but it is mandatory to have some standard of conduct for a society to not unravel. If we just get ‘the money’ right everything will be okay. No, if society unravels and we’re all wealthy, we have nothing!
“the symptoms, not the cause” – BINGO! Thank you David.
Miss Megan, you are spot on. I refuse to tolerate undisciplined brats and the parents who are too lazy to parent.
In a restaurant a brat was running between tables and chairs back and forth for five minutes. He made the mistake of dashing between and shoving my 10-month old’s chair (I was already on guard for this). In the loudest voice I could muster I told him this is a restaurant, NOT a playground, and and he will NEVER shove my baby girl’s chair ever again. The point was to get not just his, but the attention of his parents some 50 feet away. It worked. The dad came and fetched the hooligan, never making eye contact. The wait staff smiled broadly.
I have turned into my father, and am on my way to my grandpa. I have no patience for parents too selfish or clueless to actually parent, nor for their rabid offspring. At some point the little monsters will encounter the police, or make the mistake of breaking into a house, like mine, that is in a state with the Castle Doctrine.
It’s not a faceless, amorphous evil assaulting public morality.
It is and was the TEACHERS since the 60s.
The parents you describe are the result of the teachers of the 80s and 90s.
Their parents the result of the teachers of the 60s and 70s.
Society is sclerotic. Supernumeraries in all bureaucracies. Looters abound.
The REpublic isn’t representative. Levels of commissariats reach to the stratosphere.
Irreversible sclerosis. Home school. Go Galt.
I know of a teacher who, when a child was telling lies, took him into the hallway (so as not to reprimand him in front of others) and told him, “You must not tell lies – it’s wrong.” The parents came storming in the next day to the principal’s office shrieking about how dare the teacher tell the child what’s right and what’s wrong.
I’m a teacher. We can get in trouble with our administrators for being “mean” – and “mean” these days means giving the slightest indication that a child is not perfect, a genius, and well on his way to sainthood, no matter how badly he behaves or how little or poorly he works. Please don’t blame us for children’s lack of discipline. Most of the time, our hands are tied.
Yeah? I know lots of teachers and their bratty, semiliterate children. A worse behaved, selfish bunch if ignorant louts cannot easily be imagined.
I don’t hold out much hope for the children, either.
Years ago our civil society used a combination of repression, ostracism, ridicule, disgrace, and shame to control those who were tearing at polite society. But that was too middle class for the communist aggressors and their cultural wars. So all that had to be swept away and those using those techniques in an attempt to maintain order were belittled. Our problems began when the culture and behavior of the ghetto individual was lionized and we were told their behavior and mores were “cool” and we would be more “together” emulating the street behavior of the lowest of the low. And those behind that advice knew that it would be a matter of time before that behavior contaminated society as a whole. Putting what was always regarded as contemptible behavior at the top of the list and telling the rest of society in a myriad of ways, through movies, advertising, television etc. that this behavior was far more admirable than the staid boring stuffy behavior you have described was a strategy that is bearing fruit for the left and will continue to do so until people say enough. Young men wearing pants that expose everything, women acting like barn animals breeding children without marriage and with multiple fathers, the foul language in public, the pushing and shoving, the threats of violence, the “getting in your face”, and on and on. Let’s not pretend we don’t know where it all started. Our society has become infected because those whose behavior was questionable and was a reflection of the “lower orders” were turned into models of “cool” and the rest of the dopes in our midst followed suit. Think about it next time you hear a young man rippin’ into his “date” for being a bitch and a ho. How can you expect one segment of society to remain above it all when that kind of behavior has been getting all the positive attention? For decades? Basically what you have described is plain and simple ghetto behavior. And if you want to turn things around? Be brave enough to say it and those listening (or reading) brave enough to handle the truth. Even the “right” has its limitations to truth telling and hearing the truth. Which is why we are in the mess we are in.
And if you ask George Will, he’d say it started with the acceptance of blue jeans in polite society. lol
Do you think you are being cute or clever? As a matter of fact, he’d be right. Take a look at that garment and understand that it’s our Mao straight jacket: unisexual attire for the prols. There is nothing uglier that a fat ugly woman in a pair of blue jeans when the same ugly person could at least manage to look elevated in something better. But I guess you belong to the real cynical hip cool crowd that thinks any criticism that doesn’t fit your “edgy” view of the world is so square and deserving of a put down. You can wallow in the ugliness you admire. It probably makes you feel a lot better about your own shortcomings.
I think you misunderstood me. I liked your comment. George Will once wrote this column about how much he hated blue jeans and while he made some valid points about the affect on public behavior it still doesn’t change the fact that I love my jeans and can’t imagine giving them up. However, if it meant manners would make a comeback I might save them for my backyard. The column about jeans is worth reading…certainly a social observation that has interesting implications. But no matter how much Will hates jeans, even if they are the start of the downfall, they’re here to stay. The question is, can we get along in spite of our jeans?
Mr. Fox,
I haven’t read Mr. Wills essay on blue jeans, but I understand what he’s getting at. Like you, I pretty much love my jeans. But how you dress and take care of your stuff says a lot about you.
I’ve told my daughter that when looking for an apartment, check out the cars in the lot. If they’re all new and pricey, you won’t be able to afford it. If they’re all beatup junkers, you won’t be able to tolerate your neighbors. You want to find an apartment with lots of not new, but well maintained vehicles. It means that the tenants aren’t rich, but have a sense of responsibility.
Likewise, if you’re looking to join a new church, check out what the congregation is wearing. If they’re in jeans and tees and shorts at the service, it probably means it’s not a church worth attending.
THANKYOU THANKYOU THANK YOU! I am a mom who homeschooled &then entered the workforce…as a TEACHER! By far my greatest challenge is dealing with the children you describe. I am responsible for their achievement, & by far the greatest obstacle is their sometimes HORRIBLE behavior…I put a duct tape strip at my door and say every day: DON’T BRING THATGARBAGEIN HERE! This line means something important about your life and the world & when you enter my world you will be civilized! Alas I get little support from admin….it is my management that is suspect when I send them to the office …as an aside these kids are in a title 1 school…we hear the starving poor kid line and yet you cannot believe the amount of free breakfast and lunch food that is thrown away…the homework never done…the kids who smell like old urine…thanks to parents who don’t do their job…I guess it is that whole “village” thing huh?
It is an astonishing trend, this non-parenting by otherwise over-involved parents. Parents hover over their little darlings constantly, then walk away completely when they are truly needed.
I worked in retail for many years, and had to deal with children doing appalling things on a daily basis. They licked glass cabinets, deliberately pulled merchandise off shelves, shoplifted, wiped their noses on countertops and once even punched me in the stomach. In all my years, no parent ever corrected or apologised for their child. The best I ever got was the mother of the child who punched me, who clucked her tongue, smiled and said “We really shouldn’t do that.”
If we want a nation of sociopaths, this is the recipe.
Ah, the wonderful life of a retail sales assoc. My worst was while working in linens during a stint in a lg. dept. store. We had a display bed with soccer & football pillows. Kid kicked both all over the dept., including once into my head, and threw the not-very-soft football so a tapered end hit my kidneys. He threw every other pillow off every other display bed, dragged stuff off shelves, spit water all over the place (including wrap stand), and then found the wheeled staircase we used for high cubicles. Although it had a chain across the bottom, he ignored it and continued to run up & down it as well. Last but not least, he tried running down the up escalator, and stuffing his chocolate bar wrapper into it. (yeah, melted choc. all over a bunch of merchandise, now unsaleable.) The mother was on her cell and paid not one iota of attention. Until I stowed the “ball” pillows under the counter. She then snapped to attention and snottily said, “Really, is he HURTING anything?!” When I went to the escalator to pick kid up & move him after asking him several times nicely to leave it alone (so he wouldn’t get hurt, like losing fingers playing stick the trash in moving stairs), THEN mom came unglued. Said she’d have my job because I wasn’t being nice or friendly to her & her son. Yes, she stomped off to office, and yes, I did hear about it later. I didn’t get fired, but I DID get a warning put in my file because of what this nitwit said about my attitude. She ignored my 100 smiling requests to the boy AND her that he not do that, please. It took the rest of the aftrn. to clean up, refold, restock, get mud & chocolate off merchandise where we could, and write reports on things we now could not sell.
Is the customer always right? Hmmm, perhaps — if one is an actual customer. This harpy was expecting me to provide free baby-sitting while she enjoyed her entertainment of shopping/talking. And she wondered why things didn’t go just as she preferred, when she was the cause of kid’s bad bhvr.
So … it takes a village after all?
Yes, it does.
But not in the way that Hillary meant.
I shouldn’t have to take a village but we’ve degenerated so far that parents aren’t doing their jobs. And the whole village idea wasn’t a terrible one…I remember as a child everyone’s parents looked out for everyone’s kids. You could run up and down the block and everyone had an eye out and would tell your parents if you got into trouble. Now, not many people socialize with one another like that anymore. Or are too scared to report bad behavior to parents. Having a more neighborly existence would be a great thing for our kids.
I was in the grocery line once and directly behind me was a young mother with a child (3 or 4 year old boy) that was COMPLETELY out of control. After he had gotten on my last nerve I bent down and gave him “the look.” Kid shut up and stood still immediately and stayed that way. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and I thought, “oh – here it comes! Angry mom time.” I looked at her and she pleadingly exclaimed, “Please teach me that!”
Two examples:
First, several years ago I was in a department store waiting in line to buy an item when a child started to have a classic tantrum–lying on the floor, kicking and screaming–and his mother said to all, “just let him scream. he will eventually wear himself out”–well, he just screamed and kicked, kicked and screamed for so long that a lot of the people in line just drifted away to calmer seas. In my day–and I have done this myself–the kid would have been scooped up, taken outside and given a lecture.
Second, I was in Costco one evening and it wasn’t very crowded, and as I walked down a very wide main isle I noticed a couple of elegantly dressed children–the girl in a pinafore, with long blond hair, and some sort of a hat–skipping down the intersecting cross isle, looking around but obviously not paying any attention to where they were going, and the girl of the pair was headed straight for me. She crashed into me, I struggled to not only protect her but to prevent myself from falling–I was and am no spring chicken–and eventually we both sort of stayed upright. Then, her mother–who had been behind the two skipping children–showed up. No apology, no admonition to he heedless child, so I rather forcefully told her to “control your child.” Not that I expect it did any good.
What does any of this have to do with Conservatives vs. Liberals? My liberal friends are very good parents with well-behaved children; my conservative friends are also very good parents with well-behaved children.
True, most miscreants identify themselves as liberal, because they don’t want anyone telling them what to do, and most religious fanatics in this country identify themselves as conservatives, but in both cases, the goofs do not accurately represent the majority.
I concede that liberal educators have helped to create this mess by focusing on children’s self-esteem rather than on civilizing them, but where are parents in all this? If they’re too lazy and self-absorbed to teach their children anything, even the most conservative disciplinarian in school will make no progress. By the way, the bullies in the schools I went to came from the most religious and conservative families, and the meanest ones also had the meanest, strictest parents. Kids learn by example.
I liked the article till it needlessly dragged in partisan politics, at which point it became something I could not share with my liberal friends, who I believe would also have liked it very much.
I completely agree with you, Florida; She had me until it became conservatives vs. everyone else. I know plenty of nut jobs who call themselves “tea-partiers”, who are racist, bigoted, cruel, spineless bullies. I also know plenty of whiny self-absorbed occupiers who feel entitled to whatever their heart dreams. I also know a whole lot of sane and loving tea-partiers and occupiers; who are liberal, democrat, republican, christian, atheist, jewish, naturalist, or agnostic parents of children who are well behaved, hard working, intelligent, and thoughtful. What the heck? Does Megan Fox believe that because I voted for Ralph Nader that my child will be a degenerate with tattoos of excrement on her body? Or that because we watch Yo Gabba Gabba she will throw her dance shoes at a moving vehicle? I agree with Megan that parents have a duty to teach children right from wrong and pay attention, scold and explain, play and be present with their children and by golly I consider myself quadpartisan. Liberal with imagination and art and design; conservative in environment, manners, fundamental education. I would never say I am a tea-bagger, though, because there are too many hateful, closed-minded people in the group. And because I am not inside the tea-party, I would never lump them into one ‘poor-parenting’ title.
Progressive parenting is a liberal idea. It is of the Left. The idea that we can and should allow our children to self-direct their behavior, that their impulses should not be squashed by authoritarian parenting…leads to the kind of children I am talking about. Are all liberals these kinds of parents??? No way. Are all conservatives great parents? No way. And I never said that. But the idea of progressive parenting which is a very real thing (never keeping score, interested in building self-esteem instead of personal responsibility) and is the baby of the Left. Look around you! Who is behaving this way? Ghetto dwellers (product of the Left and the war on the poor started by the Democrats when they issued in the welfare state and broke up millions of families), Occupy Wall Streeters…products of leftist indoctrinations in public schools and universities, and your average kids who are the products of lazy parenting. I would absolutely agree that you can’t tell a good parent by who they vote for, but the truth is conservative VALUES raise decent human beings. And by the way, racist, cruel, biggoted values are not conservative values.
I respectfully disagree with you Mrs. Fox. You are a conservative who home schools your children. This suggests, rightly or wrongly, that you are also a fundamentalist Christian trying to protect them from such inconvenient truths as the real age of the Earth (billions of years). This is what many people would assume from your home schooling. It’s an assumption based on generalizations, much like your claims concerning liberals.
What you belittle as progressive education is just that: education that is progressing. The days of robot children being smacked with paddles has long gone, and isn’t coming back. Since lawyers will do anything for money, teachers today cannot discipline children, and must leave doing this to parents, who increasingly refuse. Blame the activists (yes, mostly liberal) for creating this climate, but keep in mind that many of these activists grew up in miserable, strict homes and schools, and are perpetually rebelling against them. Some never grow out of this.
There is no evidence that the Occupy kids are the products of liberal homes. I’m more inclined to believe that many, if not most, are the products of conservative environments against which THEY’RE rebelling. It’s the preachers’ kids who end up hanging out at porno shops and marching for abortion “rights.” One extreme always fosters another: there would be no radical left without a radical right.
but there is plenty of evidence that the OWS crowd has come from universities awash in “progressive” philosophies. It is possible some came from conservative homes and had their values destroyed by college professors on a mission to convert the world. But I’m a product of a conservative home, both of my sisters are conservative, one home-schools like me. All of my cousins (with the exception of two whose father is the only lib in the family) are conservatives and were raised in conservative homes. I went to private schools and public schools…here’s an interesting fact. All my public school friends (with the exception of one who was raised by conservative parents) are now raging leftists. All, without exception, of my private school friends are conservatives (Also raised by conservative parents.) It may be anecdotal evidence, but evidence all the same. Most people who have good relationships with their parents tend to take on the same values as their parents. What you are talking about (rebellion from strict upbringing) is an extreme example. You’re insinuating that conservatives are more likely to drive their children to the other side because of their close-mindedness…etc. This is a stereotype of the worst kind. My father is one of the most intelligent, persuasive people I know. I asked him many questions when I got interested in politics and he gave me fair and accurate answers. He gave me real world examples of his conservative values and beliefs. I watched him as he struggled as a small business owner with government regulations and interference that eventually ran him out of business. And all along the way he was willing to talk to me about how the world works and why it was important that I get a job at 15 and never stop working and why it was shameful to expect something for nothing. Any rebellion from his instruction would simply be foolish and I’m no fool.
Mrs. Fox, that’s lame. Virtually ALL American universities that aren’t run by bible preachers are “awash” in liberal values.
Since you haven’t polled the Occupy kids to find out who they are or where they come from, you obviously simply invented a “fact” to suit yourself and your very partisan belief system.
I’d be interested to know your definition of “Conservative.”
Respectfully, you are full of shit. One of the most stunning things about progressives like yourself is their total inability to see the irony of their situation. Take off the rose-colored glasses.
Actually, Florida, there is solid polling/demographic evidence that the OWSers are far to the left of most American: http://www.douglasschoen.com/pdf/Occupy_Wall_Street_Poll_Douglas_Schoen.pdf
Now unless you think that kids raised in conservative and/or Christian households somehow magically assume such positions, one has to posit that they came from somewhere–and, applying Ockham’s razor to the data in that poll, far-and-away the most likely source is….liberal college professors.
Next time, know what you’re talking about before opining.
“I know plenty of nut jobs who call themselves “tea-partiers”, who are racist, bigoted, cruel, spineless bullies.” Azure Malbone.
My response to that is, “No you don’t”. Anytime a generalization like that is uttered, it is a lie. Go wash your mouth out with soap!
A few years back, our 6’3″ 40-year-old son was in Walmart in Denver and encountered a mother who was completely unable to influence or control an out-of-control, about six year old. The situation had deteriorated to child kicking mom, child screaming and throwing himself on the floor, heard throughout most of the store. Mom just looked helpless (and obviously was). Son sized up the situation as the boy squirmed and screamed on the floor. He made calm eye contact with the mom just before he took action, hoping that she would understand his intent. Then without comment to either mom or brat, he threw himself down on the floor near the child, began writhing and fussing. The kid was so shocked, he sat up stock still, went completely silent and just stared. Son continued for a moment, then quietly got up and brushed himself off. Then he looked the kid square in the eye and said something along the lines of, “You look like a complete fool when you behave that way. Now straighten up.” Then he looked at mom and said something like, “If you need any further support, let me know.” And he walked away. He said the whole thing took about 30 seconds, and he made sure to get through it very, very quickly to avoid alarming mom in any way. He saw the kid and the mom several times later in the store. From that point on, the kid was stone silent and hanging VERY close by mom and always looked nervous when he spotted The Man Who Didn’t Fear The Child.
Also a few yrs. ago at Walmart, my 6’8″ son (then 25) was literally run into by a wild little hooligan, both on foot and with a cart. Now, my son had several yrs. previously volunteered for the army, but didn’t make it all the way thru enlistment — he got a medical discharge under honorable circumstances. (illness-related asthma; when he gets a chest cold, he wheezes) This kid was running wild up & down the aisles, screaming, caroming into displays, pretending cart was a race car with NO regard for watching where he was going … and on & on. Unfortunately the parents were arguing and not paying any attention to jr. (which is prob. why he was acting out to begin with). Anyway, son was on the same shopping path thru the store as these folks. Finally, after being hit 2-3 times — hard — with the cart, and being run into a couple times, he’d had enough. The kid screeched around a corner, and ran straight into the front of my son. Whereupon son picked him up by the shoulders, pinning his arms to his sides (so kid couldn’t hit him, as he’d already done to his parents), and in his best stern, cold soldier voice told kid that real people don’t act like that, it makes you look like a dumb jerk. And if he did it again, my son would take him to the parking lot. Kid tremblingly got out, “What for?” Son arched one eyebrow and asked, “Whadda you THINK for?!” Kid froze and several people in the aisle applauded. All this happened very quick, and as parents came around an end-cap son put kid down, who started running back to them. Son yelled, “WALK!” and lo & behold! kid instantly obeyed.
Where did a relatively young man w/no kids get the nerve to act/talk like this? That’s right, his mom. Me. In fact, when he was 18 & younger brother was 14, we went to brunch on the last morning of a very nice resort vacation. My parents and my brother, wife, and 6 yr. old son were also there. The 6 yr. old had *never* been crossed, or made to behave. He yelled, kicked the chairs, the table, banged his silverware on the table continually, kept standing up in his chair, turning around and smearing his greasy hands all over everything … my bro. & wife took turns eating in shifts, so one of them was always available to “play with” (i.e. distract) him. My sons, not exactly paragons of teen sensitivity, were SO disgruntled and upset, they ate as quickly as possible to get outta there, because THEY WERE EMBARRASSED. How bad does a little boy’s bevhr. hafta be for teens to feel that way? By the time my sons were 5-6 yrs. old, going out to eat in a nice place was definitely a (rare) treat. They enjoyed it so much, they knew to behave or there wouldn’t BE a next time. Manners & common courtesy start at home.
One more example, and I’m not talking road rage here. Have you ever tried to get out of a packed prkg. lot, esp. after an event? Inevitably things get snarled up by the idiot who has to cut others off so they can be 2 cars ahead. I’ve always wondered why we can’t just take turns. Not only is it polite, but common *sense* as well as courtesy. We’ll all get out eventually, in an orderly fashion makes sense, and hurts no one. But there’s always a couple d@mn idiots who cause problems & accidents. Why? Because they care about no one but their own stupid selves. I wonder some times if they even realize there ARE others around (but certainly not to be treated as anything but lesser than).
Mrs. Fox,
THANK YOU! As a work-from-home “Dr. Mom” with two young boys, I second your experiences and could relate many, quite similiar, more. My wife often asks me why I step in where generally only fools tread, and I reply, like Captain Picard in “Star Trek: First Contact:” “the line must be drawn HERE!” I’ve been told to mind my own business (by an idiotic redneckette SMOKING A CIGARETTE WHILE PUMPING GAS!) and that I was a racist (by a black woman who parked her new BMW in front of the grocery store, blocking traffic, just so she could get money from an ATM). I don’t really care WHY so many Americans, adult or younger, act like such morons–as a former college professor, I blame the idiot liberals and the government schools, mostly–but as you so aptly point out, we need to stand up against such behavior. Again, THANK YOU! And I am off to forward this article to every living person I know.
So lemme get this straight.
You went to a place that is almost exclusivly a “kid zone” (which are chaotic as a rule) and expected non-chaos?
Kinda like jumping into a pool and being suprised when you get wet.
As for your “solution” and examples your dad sounds pushy and your sis sounds like she hasn’t experienced backlash.
I’ll be blunt. It’s not your place to raise other people’s kids. The whole It Takes a Village crap is based on multiple people willingly submitting their children to it.
Try it with those who are unwilling and you will get pushed back.
The only one’s who won’t push back are the kind with no spine.
There’s a difference. This isn’t about going into people’s lives and homes to tell them what to do with their kids.
This is about their kids (and teens) out in the world, getting into other peoples’ space, threatening other people’s children, ruining the experience for other patrons, and so forth.
So it’s not a matter of trying to parent other people’s children. It’s a matter of not allowing them to ride roughshod over everyone else in the public sphere.
Bet money on this: people who say “It’s not your place to raise other people’s kids” never believe it’s their place to raise their OWN kids, either.
YOU are both evidence, and part, of the problem.
My dad sounds pushy? Because he didn’t want to hear the “F” word repeatedly over dinner? You must be the type who likes to scream the “F” word in public, probably on your cell phone like you’re the only person in the world. Am I getting warmer?
@M. Fox
Arctic.
I actually swear very little. Last time I dropped an F-Bomb was when I whacked my hand with a hammer. That’s usually what it takes in general. Pain.
And hard as it is in this day and age to believe I don’t have a cell phone neither.
Hate the things. You buy one and people act affronted when you aren’t available 24/7. Pass.
In fact I’m rather well-behaved in public.
@Alana Kids have no concept of space from what I’ve seen. One could call them selfish but it’s too much to ask for selflessnes at that age.
It’s probably safe to assume that politeness is not present in public and to go from there.
@Mark V I’m well behaved in public and speak rarely. I’m polite, and I swear very little and I don’t believe my example is the better one.
If you want to raise your kids to be hellions go ahead. Not my fault or my issue if you raise inmates.
@M. Fox
Something I also neglected to mention is that what your dad did was out of line. He menaced some brat and should have been verbally diced for it.
The proper solution would be to go to managment or staff and let them do what they are paid to do.
Your sister takes the cake however. She went after a punk who showed a willingness to menace and use threats of violence?
Do I need to lay out how dumb that was? Who in their right mind does that with no defensive tool?
There’s having no fear and then there’s having no sense of self-preservation. Fear is learned. Self-preservation exists or doesn’t.
Her defensive tool was her lack of fear and willingness to deal with the problem, which she did with every success imaginable! How do you not see it as a win that the kid turned around, apologized and left. She called his bluff. And you can think she’s stupid but she has a lifetime of experiences that would prove you wrong. I only mentioned a few of the many altercations she’s been a part of and in no case has she ever been attacked or harmed. Your opinion that she’s just lucky doesn’t fit. She knows something a lot of us don’t know. Maybe a lack of self-preservation instinct is the key. She doesn’t care whether she lives or dies in a situation like that. She would rather die fighting than live in fear. I admire that and I’m glad she’s on my side!
M. Fox:
That weapon is a lack of self-preservation which is not a weapon but a defect. The rabbit marches up to the wolf and the wolf goes “Lunch!”
That rabbit is your sister and that wolf is the one person who’ll not meekly run away from the terrifying woman wanting to play paddy-cake.
In the animal kindom it’s easy to see who lacks self-preservation. All of them are gone.
I refuse to be a lemming. Let the other folks stupidly throw themselves into stupid fights.
Mahoney: He who dies fearlessly is no less dead. The goal is to live. Anything that endangers that goal is to be rejected.
And as to your opinion of me think what you like. I already think of you as Barney Fife. Lots of guts but only luck has kept him alive.
Steve D: The “solutions” advocate picking stupid battles and letting go of the sense of self-preservation.
The “problems” steer clear and only fight when they can win. They let their sense of self-preservation lead the charge.
I know which example I’ll follow.
M. Fox, what Carn doesn’t understand or comprehend is, we haven’t grown up with nor associate with people that have anti-social behavior.
For Carn to cower to boorish behavior for self-preservation is telling.
Not being a coward is a potent tool/weapon. If you had ever tried it, you would alreasy know this. These examples are in the open public, not in some dark alley. Besides, neither party knows the capability or the ewualizer in the possession of the other. Its a wash.
Carn, just reading your comments makes my blood boil. You are a sniveling coward and indeed, part of the problem, not the solution.
Not wanting to ‘hide’ behind the internet,
Steve Davis
Anchorage
You are one of the progressive losers that Ms. Fox wrote about. As I posted in another comment, the irony is that people like you are self-rightous in your persistent failure to actually see what it is you are looking at. Instead you see only your vision of utopia. Aren’t they lovely unicorns?
Typical liberal response…go running to management.
As a retail employee I watch in horror while parents allow their children to climb the sides and front of shopping carts or stand in all manners atop of them. I have seen,twice, a full cart come crashing onto a small body- one girl 4 yrs old and another maybe 6 yrs old. The trauma can be deadly, concussion, broken bones, you name it.
Each time I see it, I say to the child, “You need to sit down” or I tell them the terrible news about the little girls I have seen be severely hurt. The parents look at me, then scold their child and I walk off hoping the parent(s) and child(ren) are embarrassed enough to proceed with caution.
Oh, and I am not in the tea-party. Oh, and I do not think all occupiers are masturbating freeloaders. And, wow get this, I am Christian. Hmm, go figure.
Well, Azure, I’m not a Tea Party member, either, but the few Tea Partiers I’ve met have been nice people, so I don’t where you got the idea they were a bunch of bigoted jerks. This is the image pushed by the Press, which, obviously, is on the President’s side, and which also pushes the notion that the Occupy kids are wonderful and misunderstood. Both images are dubious.
Mrs. Fox simply ASSUMES that the Occupy kids grew up in liberal homes. I bet a survey would prove this assumption false. I suspect many of the Occupy kids come from very conservative households. Most rebels and rebel wannabes do. After all, what’s the point of rebelling against liberal parents and other adults who give one everything one wants? Yes, the President and his party have pandered to the Occupy crowd, and have openly claimed it as their own (bad mistake), but that’s because they make assumptions, too.
Bad parents are everywhere. We spay and neuter our pets; maybe we should be spaying and neutering our teenagers, so they don’t produce more obnoxious future adults.
I didn’t say I thought teabaggers are a bunch of bigoted jerks; I said I know some who are and that I also know some whiny, self absorbed occupiers. I also know some awesome teabaggers – my dad being one, and some awesome occupiers.
Again, my response to you is “No you don’t”.
Your use of the term “tea-baggers” is highly offensive and negates anything you say about ‘respecting’ others.
Azure wrote, “I would never say I am a tea-bagger, though, because there are too many hateful, closed-minded people in the group. And because I am not inside the tea-party, I would never lump them into one ‘poor-parenting’ title.”
No, but you’ve used the word “tea-bagger”. Some Christian.
Nate, I don’t understand why my use of the word “tea-bagger” is wrong? I guess I do not know the proper term for the members of the party; I meant it as not a blind judgment or a slam, I find the comments of many of the spokespeople from the party to be too hateful and closed-minded for me to add myself to stand under the title; I was mainly making the case that although I disagree with many of their attitudes, I separate it from claiming to know the parenting style – My problem with Megan’s piece is the sweeping blend of politics with parenting; progressive parenting from what I have read has the same core values as what another would name conservative values, both being Biblical values: The Golden Rule, Faith in Goodness (God), Forgiveness, Kindness. The statements of the article are judgmental and blaming. I did not intend to offend by anything I have written- I should have been more clear. I have to leave for work so I cannot finish this typing now!
Your ignorance should be a clue that perhaps you should not be posting here. Go learn a couple of life lessons then get back to us.
Permit me to educate you. “Tea-bagging” is a sexual act you can look up. It was and still is used as an insult to citizens who care about the direction their nation is headed. In particular, TEA stands for “Taxed Enough Already.” It has nothing to do with hating anyone.
In addition, you refer to it as “the party.” The TEA party is not a political party. Moreover there is no hierarchical structure and no formal leadership.
Finally, you refuse to believe that the examples of bad parenting presented by the author and those making comments has anything to do with politics. I could refer you to the writings of the Frankfurt School or Antonio Gramsci but just think about this. What philosophy has dominated our culture for 100 years and fostered ideas such as punishing children is cruel, schools and teachers must not discipline students, children should be free to express themselves even if that means climbing on the furniture, criminals are victims of society and should not be punished, etc?
The answer is that all these ideas are considered “liberal” and superior to old-school ideas that demanded children act human and not like feral animals.
My father cursed, thanks to an unpleasant camping trip from Normandy to Berlin so many years ago, but he never cursed in public or mixed company. Not so very long ago a certain amount of decorum was expected of all citizens, young and old. Not any more. That change is a purely Leftist phenomenon. Look up the “free speech movement.”
I agree with most of this and believe it is our individual responsibility to stand up and do something. However, I am a product of the public education system and so are my children. I turned out well and I have one in college and another doing very well in high school. I have been involved with them and each school they attended (we are a military family). The answer isn’t always to jerk them out and home school. I have no objection to a family choosing that. I do think that if you want to stand up for changing things in this country a part of it is getting involved in the school system, getting to know the teachers and making a stand. I have been treated poorly by teachers and schools for my conservative aspect of parenting. Instead of taking them out I stood my ground and I stuck it out. My children have had wonderful teachers and experiences along with some not so good ones. This is life and they might as well learn it from day one. I watch proudly as my kids have stood up for their beliefs and found through even difficult narrow minded people an opportunity to learn. Don’t just blame the public education system. It’s a multifaceted issue and for many home schooling or private schooling is not an attainable option. I stayed involved and made sure the teachers, principals, and others knew I was the parent and they were the educators. I think if you allow them to bully you they will try diminish the role in your child’s life. If enough parents stand up to this and get involved it would change a lot.
Well said, Jennifer. But public school and home schooling are not the only two possible options–there are also private schools, Christian and otherwise, which do not shy away from teaching morals and ethics as well as respect having to be earned, not handed out like M&Ms. While it is true that good kids come out of public schools, that is increasingly becoming the exception rather than, as it used to be, the rule for a myriad of reasons (including overemphasis on self-esteem, value-neutral teaching, etc.).
Ditto. Although we did home school for a couple of years, we haven’t been able to continue to do so — too much moving and now a baby. We stay involved in our children’s educations, and know their teachers through regular communication. We also check homework and ensure they understand the subjects they are not doing well in.
Congrats!
Many years ago I worked at an Arby’s restaraunt. One day a woman came in with about 5 children 5-7. The children were very rowdy and extremely noisy, disrupting everyone else’s lunchtime. That mother was obviously looking after other people’s children and she looked extremely tired. Apparently she had been in this battle for some time. I took compassion on her and did something that might have gotten me into trouble had my boss, a very “liberal” person had seen it. I saddled up to their table and as several of them were running around it, I raised my voice “SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW AND BE QUIET!”
They all sat down quietly and I turned to the mother and said “If you need any further assistance, just let me know. Those children were extremely well behaved after that. Now, normally, you don’t tip people working in such fast food places, she left me a five dollar bill.
A certain amount of chaos is expected with kids, but sometimes it just gets completely out of control. Like many people, I earned extra money babysitting in high school, and many of the children were just being raised horribly. No discipline at all. I have vivid memories of a pair whose favorite game was designating the babysitter or parent figure as an evil monster and then throwing everything they could find at said monster; the parents were completely okay with this, because it was just kids being kids.
Being active? Good. Black eye? Not so good. I wound up sitting the kids down one day and telling them that their favorite game was just flat-out violent bullying, and I wasn’t going to play it.
Oddly enough, I got a lot of repeat business from the parents of those kids.
An absolutely first-rate, outstanding and much-needed piece!! Kudos, Ms. Fox! It warms my soul to know there are others like us in the world who, when the limits of civility have been pushed, if not completely breached, step in and bring some discipline to bear. Our society needs much more of it.
Bullying behavior? No way! Zero tolerance indeed. The cursing teen, obviously “mature” enough to be out on a date? Absolutely cruising for what he received. And so on. Your sister’s a hero. I’m with you. (Hey, I’m a homeschooling mom, too!)
But a word of caution on taking the judgment of “bad behavior” and parenting beyond bullying, dangerous and obvious stuff: There are many thousands of kids with hidden disabilities that make it impossible for you to judge a situation correctly. Trust me on this one. One of my four kids is a teen autism with sensory issues and a mental illness, unmarked physically as with Down Syndrome or a physical disability . If I had a dime for every time he’s been judged a brat or we judged simply as bad parents, I’d be a rich woman. The truth is, the people judging have not put in even the tiniest FRACTION of the blood, sweat and tears and then more sweat that we have to reach the point of sometime-behavior that is being judged as “bad”, nor have they or any of their children struggled against even a tiny fraction of what my son does to achieve “normal”, “good” behavior. If they had any understanding or could truly be in our shoes for a while, they’d be ashamed of themselves, fearful of what their mothers would say, would apologize and run home with tails between their legs. Some things are beyond obvious and truly matters of zero tolerance. Sometimes, though, you don’t know what you think you know.
I like this piece. Enough is enough. My wife and I went to a concert back in 1999,and paid 60 dollars apiece for “Gold Circle” seats nearer the stage. Just before the show, a group of three sits right behind us and this person with a really loud voice starts yelling. I don’t mean just once or twice, I mean constantly. He’s yelling at each act (there were 4, it was an outdoor festival). He was clearly drunk. People around him were getting agitated but remained violent. The couple next to s had driven from 700 miles away in Canada to see this show. Finally, I had enough and realized that is anyone was going to do something, it would have to be me. So I turned around and said “Hey, you’re going to have to stop yelling in m ear. I paid 60 bucks a ticket to hear these guys, not you.” At which point he threatened me with violence. So I stood up and showed him that at 6-4 and 265 pounds I wan’t afraid of him, and told him “you just do what you gotta do, and so will I.” He looked at me, and then put out his hand and apologized! He said he just wanted to have fun. I said we all did, he just needed to chill, and he did. As I turned to sit down, I got an ovation from the crowd in our immediate area. If more people would stand up for themselves, we’d have a lot more civility. I see stuff every day that would have gotten someone knocked silly 20 years ago.
I love this and I love Megan! I’m also a homeschool mom. I will watch for more of your columns in the future!
Oh Megan you poor thing! To be forced into a hostile environment like a playground when all you really wanted was a quiet place (A local club perhaps?) in which to ‘catch up with’ an old friend. Life is just so hard these days, I don’t know what a busy modern mom is to do.
So you think it’s acceptable for kids to bully or knock down other kids half their size on purpose?
I also said that I am Christian; I didn’t say I am perfect.
From No Country for Old Men:
But I think once you quit hearing “sir” and “ma’am,” the rest is soon to foller.
I raised 2 kids, now self sufficient young adults (one with 2 kids. I also worked as a jr counselor at a boys summer camp while in high school. There are simple rules which are too often violated by parents:
1. Never repeat yourself more than once, and whether with the look, the tone/volume, or the threat, use it when you repeat. Too many kids listen to Mom say it over & over & know there’re no consequences. Pavlov understood.
2. Don’t specify the punishment, make them guess.
3. Spanking is sometimes needed. There is a difference between pain & injury. It is particularly useful when they engage in behavior which a prior warning has told them is dangerous to themselves & others. The slow delay-”wait until your father gets home” strikes terror. and the slow buildup is worse than the event. Never do it when your angry & I believe only in bare hand so you know how hard.
I believe that what bothers me the most is how unique you made your stories when in fact when I was growing up thay were an everyday integrated part of our existence.We feared everybody. Not just our parents or our friends parents but any adult that was blessed with the God given righ to authority, and should they reprimand us in any way and tell our parents, well heaven help us. My wife and I have raised five children and I will tell you the primary cancer that is consuming our youth. Parents no longer parent. For fear of governmental retribution the spend their lives pandering to these children, avoiding conflict, avoiding responsibility. the parents of today are the children of self esteem, punishment is evil, indulge your children. It is true. the wrld is becoming overly populated with idiots, an epidemic of inconcievable proportions. the end is near………Sad.. very sad..