“One day at 4:30 in the afternoon,” Dave Barry writes in his latest book, his 13-year old daughter Sophie, “went into her bathroom, which is pink, and WHOOM!, some kind of massive hormone bomb went off there.”
The result has been utter chaos, both for Sophie, and especially for Dave himself, who’s having to deal with a massive influx of boys visiting his house. “They come around. They come around all the time now. There didn’t used to be boys in our life. And now there are boys on the lawn, on the roof, in the trees. They’re like squirrels; they’re just boys coming around.”
“And I don’t like it, Ed,” he insists. “ I used to be a boy. I’ve been a male my entire life. And let’s be honest. We’re scum. Of all the genders, we’re the worst one. And that’s exactly the gender that is showing up now around our house. And I Don’t. Like. It.”
Which is why the title of Dave’s latest book is based on reading the Riot Act to his daughter: You Can Date Boys When You’re Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About.
Perhaps Barry is overreacting just a minuscule amount to the situation. On the other hand, you’d be feeling a bit harried too, if you recently returned from the following nightmare scenarios:
- Going to your first Justin Bieber concert and listening to a stadium full of teenage girls shouting “I loooooove you!!!! I loooooove you, Justin!!!!!!” into your ear all night long.
- Paying a fortune for tickets to take your daughter to said Justin Beiber concert, only for her to eventually discover that the Bieb is an idiot. Which Barry had pointed out to her before plunking out money for the concert.
- Pondering what women see in 50 Shades of Grey, and asking your wife if she wants to try out the book’s scenario.
- Visiting Israel on a quest for free Wi-Fi throughout the Holy Land.
- Rappelling down an Israeli desert cliff and risking pooping on a rabbi due to total loss of sphincter control.
- Having people approach you constantly to praise your article on the importance of colonoscopies.
- The easy way for first time authors to promote their works by get booked on nationally-watched network talk shows by showing up at the studio door unannounced 15 minutes before airtime.
All of which we’ll discuss in our latest interview, and more. Click here to listen:
(19 minutes and 55 seconds long; 18.2 MB file size. Want to download instead of streaming? Right click here to download this interview to your hard drive. Or right click here to download the 5.69 MB lo-fi edition.)
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