Follow along with these carefully researched findings!
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
Advertisement3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country — if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
6.The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by right leaning people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped homosexual minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country, or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. The Minneapolis Star Tribune is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.
(Apologies to the Bard of Jasperwood for that last item.) A friend of mine who works on Wall Street sent me the above list today; I have no idea who the original author is, but it must have been based on this classic riff from England’s Yes, Prime Minister, which ended on an infinitely better punch line:
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13. The Weekly World News is read by people who think that space aliens are running the county.
Wait, they’re not?!
The Phoenix New Times is read by people who think that nobody can successfully run a single state, let alone the country, as long as Republicans continue to exist.
As a physician coping first hand with the effects of New York press coverage of the H1N1 influenza outbreaks, just last week I characterized their coverage as follows:
- The New York Times wanted to earn a Pulitzer Prize
- The New York Daily News wanted to foment a panic
- The New York Post wanted to create a scandal
- and the Spanish language press wanted to tell families what they should do to protect themselves from the flu
Which one do you think is thriving?
Funny list, great read. Another idea for #11: The National Enquirer is read by people who need a better publicist, a network extension or a criminal defense attorney, asap.
I think this is the best assessment of the news. Funny enough, I know many people who still read the paper in different parts of the country and this covers about 75% of them. And, it is accurate.