(With apologies to Roger and Moses for the title.)

Back in 2006, Jonah Goldberg described whom the media decides is an acceptable conservative or Republican:

Here’s a short rule of thumb for how to tell who is a “respectable” conservative in the eyes of liberals: any conservative out of power or not seen as supportive of those in power. An even shorter rule of thumb would be: conservatives are respectable if they are useful to liberals. Pat Buchanan became respectable, even adorable, among a loose coalition of liberals leftists, from MSNBC’s Chris Matthews to Ralph Nader, when he turned on the GOP establishment. Kevin Phillips, David Gergen and John Dean have been “real” Republicans — though rarely conservatives — for decades because they are willing to confirm the assumptions of liberals.

Found via a “jealous” Kathy Shaidle, Kyle Smith asks, tongue firmly in cheek, where do I sign up?!

Update: Many more links from Robert Stacy McCain, including what Stace describes as The Mother of All Smackdowns, courtesy of Michelle Malkin.