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Dr. Helen

Is Technology Replacing Sex?

October 24th, 2013 - 6:53 am

Matt Lewis asks this question in the Daily Caller:

This summer, I interviewed Dr. Helen Smith about her book Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream – and Why It Matters. Her premise is simple: More and more American men are making the conscious decision to avoid the drama and heartache that comes with relationships. It’s just not worth it, they say.

The Japanese word for this is “Mendokusai.” How do I know? It turns out this same phenomenon is taking place amongst young people of both sexes in Japan. Not only are many forgoing marriage, they are also skipping … sex. It’s just not worth it, they say. There’s even a word for this. (According to the Guardian, “Mendokusai translates loosely as ‘Too troublesome’ or ‘I can’t be bothered.’”)…

Interestingly, in her book, Dr. Helen also argues that online porn is replacing the need for American women. This is partly because online porn doesn’t sleep with your friends, nag you on game day, or sue you for child support. But it can also be addictive for various reasons. (Luckily, the trend of anime cartoons, and Power Rangers porn is still a few years off for us.)

What do you think, is technology replacing sex?

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Top Rated Comments   
I have never watched online porn, so I don't know. But the premise of this argument is stupid.

The first time I ever saw porn was when I was 15. It was at a party on a ranch house outside of town. I showed up and there were like 30 girls sitting around in the living room, bored out of their minds. I asked, where are the guys? They pointed down the hall.

So, I walked down the hall and opened a door. There were all these guys watching a black and white porn flick on the wall.

Now, if it were you, where would you go? Into a room full of guys watching porn, or back down the hall to a room full of girls bored out of their minds?

I took the easy way out, and ended up making out with three girls in a field. Ah, the 70s.

It's not a question of technology or porn. Anybody can watch porn. Anybody can make out with three girls in a field. The problem here is with the law.

I keep saying this, and no one wants to hear it. Women complain that men don't want to make a committment. A committment to what? Paying child support for a child that is not his? Getting married so you can get divorced?

Divorce is expensive. It's very expensive. And it damages the child more than anyone else.

The law allows this to happen. And I don't get it. I really don't. Men wrote the law that exploits them. Why don't men rewrite the law? An end to presumptive paternity would be a start. An end to no fault divorce would be a continuence.

Oh, wait, my mistake, women won't allow that. So, out of some misundertood and misguided sense of chivalry men continue to enforce the law that discriminates against and takes advantage of them. It doesn't make any sense.

Women are not going to change the law, because it is to their advantage not to. Men apparently are unwilling to change the law, because they're stupid.

The marriage contract is corrupt. It's a no win contract, for men. You have to know that she's going break up with you evententually--what are the divorce rates, 50% in five years? At twenty years, we're talking about 80-90%. And there are millions of men paying child support for children that are not theirs.

The only rational decision for a man to make is to not get married. The irrational decision men make is to not change the law.

And then we get all these newfound Christian/Evangelical/Republicans, like Janine Turner, complaining about discrimination against single mothers. The only way the Republican party can win is by not discriminating against single mothers, but by arguing against single parents. Um, she was married once and now she's not. She's a single mother by choice. Is this now the "Republican" position? It's certainly not the "conservative" position.

The only argument to be made here is for changing the law. The reason why men are opting out of marriage is because the contract is unacceptable. So, change the contract. That's the only real solution.

Is technology going to replace sex? No. Any guy who can't get laid today is an idiot.

You want to change the culture? Change the law, and everything will return to normal. Change presumptive paternity to determinative paternity--a mandatory paternity test on every pregnancy, and the biological father is required to pay child support. Change no fault divorce to just cause divorce. There are legitimate reasons for divorce, but being bored or taking advantage of the system is not one of them.

Change the law. Or you will have several million more men forced to pay child support for children that are not theirs. And you will have more women like Janine Turner who get married, have a child, get divorced, and then complain about discrimination against single mothers. She was married to Stephen Jones, son of Jerry of Dallas Cowboys fame, and I'm sure she got her fair share in the divorce settlement. Wasn't that her intention in the first place? Marry a rich man, get divoced, take the money and run. The law allows that.

And now she poses as a "conservative" telling "Republicans" how to win elections, by not discriminating against single mothers. The logic is so circular it makes spinning heads spin. And the hypocrisy reeks to high heaven. If this is the best the "Republican" party can advocate for, then it's doomed to extinction.

Online porn, technology, give me a break. Why not discuss the real issue, which is the law that is driving more and more men away from marriage?

25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
The short answer is yes. And it will probably be the most significant social development of our lifetimes.
Just a couple of days ago, I joked that the advent of the FemBot 3000 would mark the death of feminism. Guys just wouldn't have much tolerance for their crap when they have FemBot waiting patiently for them at home.
But, plenty of truth is said in jest. In a world of easily available electronic sex, the White Knight/Uncle Tim axis falls apart. Women simply won't have the leverage to play off men and the backlash of logic will play itself out. Moreover, it marks probably the zenith of the ability of women to play the husband as social safety net.
The bottom line of this comes down to simple economics. The supply of eligible men will dwindle even more precipitously than Dr. Smith Suggests in Men on Strike and this will have the effect of diminishing the relative "price" for any given woman in the courtship market.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
This isn't good for the various assortment of housewives and other women who live off the work of men. Even for single women who get their meals and entertainment paid for by "dating". And how are women who never worked a day in their life, but married the right older man who unfortunately died, going to become multi-millionaires now if you can't trade sex for "security" in the future?

Somebody better do something! And I hope to God the white knights step up to the plate before any more women have to get a real job. Women shouldn't have to face the grim alternative of having to work.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (37)
All Comments   (37)
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I don't think that porn is replacing all women or all sex but at least for me, it sure has reduced the number of times I make bad choices about sexual partners.

20 years ago I would have been much more likely to go screw some random chick I met at a bar, even though I knew at the time, I wasn't really looking for anything but a little strange.

Now, I realize that those chicks, the women or girls that I wouldn't be interested in dating, aren't generally even worth the trouble to screw, so I just enjoy the flirting, go home and jerk off.

The reduction in drama and craziness in my life has been massive. I don't have crazy women in my life - when I meet a normal sane intelligent woman - I pursue a relationship otherwise, I go home and toss on some porn.

Or in simpler terms, porn for me is an outlet that keeps my dick from making choices that I'll regret later.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I hear many women in their 30's, 40's, and 50's, seeking their soulmate. Those women seeking their soulmate are looking for a shower of love, but mostly aren't willing to do much of anything in return. Marriage to an American woman is a very, very bad deal. Divorslauchterhouses gut men out, and hang them up on beef hooks to drain out. Most prey animals use stealth to avoid predators. Could it be that women are now predators? I see men in their 20's, getting vasactomies, because of what they've seen friends go through, in divorce court. I know a 42 year old, who can easily afford the Brooks Brothers suits he wears, and his BMW, and the house he owns, free and clear, that he paid for himself. He won't commit. Why should he? He can have a different woman every night. Why would he want to be told that he has to help with the 2 AM feedings, to change diapers, to put up with a difficult woman who cannot be reasoned with, who has no respect for him, and a court system that makes Stalinn's Russia look like Sunday School? 40% of Hispanic women in the US marry non-Hispanic men. They still believe in family, respect their husbands, love children, help people, care about others, and work hard. American women... don't. Over 45 companies that make their money from American men seeking women overseas, because they don't want the local goods. Technology is helping to replace the American woman. I wear a huge wedding ring, and I still get hit on. I don't want any woman desperate enough to hit on a married man. American women are full of negative emotion for men. Women got their wishes. They just didn't understand what the consequences were. America is increasingly Hispanic. And new immigrant. Because American women are dysfunctional, and not producing the next generation. Why buy, house, and feed the cow, when milk is given away? Women can see what their future with men will be, though; go to any senior housing complex. It will be 95%+ women. My older female relatives, in great marriages, didn't peak out in beauty, at 30, or 35. No, they peaked out in their 60's, and then plateaued. Yeah. They were gorgeous, and happy, really happy, deep to the core happy, in their 70's. They long outlive their siblings who aren't happily married. Why? Because a committed relationship just gets better and better. It's a positive feedback loop. There is a price to pay-- they respect their husbands, they are trustworthy, they listen, they are appreciative, and not a one of them bitches. Being with most American women is like sleeping with a rabid wolverine- it's just not smart, it's better just to stay out of their way. The really good guys they seek- and they do start seeking, with urgency, by 40 or so- know how to be invisible to them. There's nothing quite like skeletons hanging in cages, at the gates of the city, or in this case divorce court, to inspire mastery of stealth in dealing with women. Some women like vibrators. that's fine. They get old, after a while, don't they? They are a bit addictive? Romance Novels are just as unrealistic as the technology men use, with the same unrealistic expectations. Yet the best of cooking magazines, or videos, can't replace the home-cooked meals I got, when I was young, from my older female relatives. That's a metaphor- I mean, by this, that tech doesn't replace the real thing. But if it's the only safe choice, then men choose it. When I was in college, I remember women who would come up to men, at a table, say, and say, "Let's go". There was something about their energy, that would make men say, "Uhh, I can't, I have to finish my meal", or something like that. The women seemed hurt. North Korean POW camps found ways to make the POWs not trust each other, which meant that a lot of other supportive actions couldn't happen, during the Korean war. The courts, American women, ideology, have made it so that American women cannot be trusted. Marrying most American women is like sleeping on a cliff. The question is not why so few men are willing to commit to a marriage, it's why any sane man, with a brain, would commit, to an American woman. Men in their 20's are fools. They get smarter, though, with experience. women don't understand that if they aren't deeply spiritual, in their hearts, respectful, supportive, committed, etc., they are selling an asset that loses value, over time. Men will only take the best women, in marriage, more and more. Technology will be used to the extend it can, to make up for this loss.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
The best of institutions is worse than a mediocre family. Just ask the kids which they would prefer. I have helped a friend research for his bk, Blossoming the Child, which describes how indigenous people do childraising. (Not a plug, just a context. Readers here won't have an interest.) As part of this, I read Boys Adrift, and Boys Adrift: A Response to a Seminal Bk, which addresses some of what Dr. Smith details. (Not a plug, just a context.) Those led me to Dr. Smith's magnificent bk- I wish I'd written it myself. I hear many women in their 30's, 40's, and 50's, seeking their soulmate. Those women seeking their soulmate are looking for a shower of love, but mostly aren't willing to do much of anything in return. Marriage to an American woman is a very, very bad deal. Divorslauchterhouses gut men out, and hang them up on beef hooks to drain out. Most prey animals use stealth to avoid predators. Could it be that women are now predators? I see men in their 20's, getting vasactomies, because of what they've seen friends go through, in divorce court.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Technology isn't replacing sex. The sexual repression in America is alarming to begin with. Tech is a new thing preventing people from finding what sex can be. Shame, embarrassment, lack of education being the old things. Sexual education is now prolific with the internet but until people talk to each other about what they are learning the repression will persist and sex will be hard to find.

And because some commenters seem to know exactly what an American woman's a little personal idealism: Change is constant.

Sounds awfully liberal I know. Woopsie. It's also a fundamental law of physics. Men and women have been around a lot longer than America and the two party system.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's obvious. If you can get 90% of the benefits with none of the hassles and risks, wouldn't you go for that deal?
24 weeks ago
24 weeks ago Link To Comment
Is technology replacing sex?" is too neutral. The proper question is:

Are women's unreasonable demands for one sided relationships where they call all the shots and are backed by a police state apparatus to enforce it making online porn more attractive than risking a relationship with actual breathing women?
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
As long as women as a group can be relied on to vote for security, there will be government mandated transfers of wealth from men to women. You can have technology instead of supporting a woman, but you will pay to support a woman all the same.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's not that technology is replacing sex, but rather that for a good number of people the cost of participating in the sex market, unless they are a market leader, so to speak, is very high relative to the alternative provided by technology.

This isn't only the case for men. Women who for whatever reason don't want to participate in the sex market have been using increasingly exotic vibrators and other sex toys as a widely normal and accepted phenomenon for decades now. Not a few women prefer the orgasms they obtain this way than any they have received from a partner, because they are in complete control of what is happening, among other things. Men are now following suit with various devices that have cropped up in the last decade or so, in addition to the ubiquity of high definition, free pornography of every stripe being streamed in real time to handheld devices. Both sexes have their outlets, and both are using them.

It isn't a replacement for sex in general, of course, and certainly not for higher value market participants. But it is increasingly being used as a substitute by others because of the way that the sexual market currently works for non-market leaders. Bluntly put, some would prefer to have sex with themselves, perhaps stimulated by pornography or literary erotica, than they would with a partner whom they do not find as attractive as the porn/erotica fantasy partner. It's unfortunate, but it's not an entirely irrational response to the current market for lower to lower-middle market power participants.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
At my place of employment, I was having a discussion about how great marriage was, when several women complained that there are no men to marry and the few men that they do get a chance to meet don't want to marry. These are women in their late 20s and early 30s and absolutely stunning to look at and yet they can't catch a man.

I've been married for 30+ years to an old fashioned woman who still knows how to treat her man right, hence my statement about marriage being great. My son on the other hand hasn't found a woman worthy of him and so I fear that the marriage I was blessed with will not even be an option for him.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
Of course there are tons of men they could marry. What women mean at that age when they say that is that there are no men above a certain standard who want to marry them. The reason: such men are living the life of riley, sexually, in our culture -- all women prefer them, and so they prefer not to marry. The rest of the male population in that age range is invisible because it is below the standard these women have for marrying. Just how it is. It won't change soon, either, with women outpacing men educationally and spending much of their early to mid-20s fooling around with the upper 20%, in attraction terms, of available men before they even start to consider marriage. There is a squeeze taking place on two levels -- one is the level of expectation (expecting to marry one of the top 20% that they were able to fool around with but who don't seem to want to commit ... because there is always another cute girl around the corner), and the other is the level of scarcity, because the time is pretty much upon us now (and is only going to be getting worse) where there aren't enough highly educated men for all of the women who want them (and these guys will also be slow to commit, because they have leverage due to relative scarcity).

These are just the results of the sexual revolution, on the one hand, and wrongheaded educational policies, on the other. Neither is going to be reversed anytime soon, so expect to see more and more women like your work colleagues, and rather shrill screaming and ranting from their sisters in the media, in the years ahead as the screws tighten.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
"What do you think, is technology replacing sex?"

Not fast enough to suit me. Women think that their mere presence and potential availability for sex is all that they need to bring to a relationship, and that men should be fawningly grateful for it. It allows women to consider every relationship in terms of who's the better sugar daddy, and when that transaction is no longer financially satisfying, move on to the next one, while still collecting residual checks in the form of alimony and child support.

It allows women in a relationship to use sex as punishment for not getting their way, instead of having to give-and-take, or for her to be good company in the first place.

It's the same argument used to justify IMBRA - international marriage broker regulation act - women enforcing a scarcity of sex don't like scabs showing up and undermining them.

It shows that for the most part, women aren't bringing anything *but* sex to a relationship. When that's no longer a factor, their company and the value of their sketchy partnership commitment is shown to be an undesirable bargain.
25 weeks ago
25 weeks ago Link To Comment
"Women think that their mere presence and potential availability for sex is all that they need to bring..."--Gretz

The number of females who become violent when they are eager for a sex romp but their man isn't is disturbingly high.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
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