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Dr. Helen

Losing Men

September 19th, 2013 - 1:12 pm

Over at NRO, Kathryn Jean Lopez interviews me about Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream – and Why It Matters.

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All Comments   (13)
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I have listened to several interviews and wanted to share something. Back in 1972 I failed all my exams and got kicked out of school. I was 16 yrs old. It should have been a disaster, but in fact it was enormously liberating. Suddenly no one expected me to get on the career / work roundabout and spend the next God knows how many years pursuing the job, the wage, the girl, the mortgage.
I was free to do what I wanted and try out a fair number of things - many of them glorious disasters. I had time to play music, paint write etc and above all think.
However we've all gotta pay the rent and I ended up in the construction industry. When I was about 23, we came to the end of a contract and I said to my male colleagues, "I want to stop and spend a few months painting etc" My colleagues said "Do it!" to a man. But oddly I started to get phone calls from their wives & girlfriends urging me not to give up work and "Be sensible!" My sense was that they were scared it would spread.
Looking back being kicked out of school was the best thing that could happen. I've worked around the world,had a succession of interesting jobs and even taught in university. MY former school mates who passed their exams have for the most part stayed true to the straight & narrow and either become ossified entities going nowhere or disposed of by their wives.
The signs that the deal for men wasn't so hot was in evidence 40 years + ago and frankly its been downhill since then. We all knew about but we chose to ignore it - and can men ignore things.
There's an old addage - Women see all men's faults and think they can change them, and Men see all women's faults and think they can ignore them - they're both wrong.
Anyway thanks for writing such a good and challenging book!
49 weeks ago
49 weeks ago Link To Comment
Women have no sympathy, or empathy for men. They're taught to avoid relationships with men while single, then when they marry one, ignore their relationship after they get the kids they want. At that point, the children and other mothers provide all the relationship they want, and the marriage falls apart.
50 weeks ago
50 weeks ago Link To Comment
Wow, I just noticed that, for all of the pictures of the Pajamas Media contributors, that Helen Smith is the only one actually in pajamas.

+1
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
The comments by the uncle tims in the NRO column are pretty pathetic. They sound like a bunch of seagulls who exist only to fly around screaming and pooping on everything in sight, and their comments are petty, vicious attacks on Ms Smith or the columnist, rather than a serious discussion of any issue, all of it little more that minimizing, rationalizing, or attacking the messenger.

Which is why I think liberals/progressives are such blatant hypocrites, who are impossible to have a rational discussion with about any issue. It's their narrative, 24/7, and if you disagree with them, then you're a criminal worthy of public contempt, assault, and petty attacks on your livelyhood, residence, etc.

That kind of nuclear-option level, vindictive behavior is NOT advancing any discussion, and indicative of how weak their argument is, and why those people who promote those kinds of acts should never be trusted with public office or any role where trust and integrity are integral to the job, such as those in law enforcement, criminal or civil prosecution, health care, tax collection, or national security, because they've demonstrated that using government to retaliate and destroy people is an ethical pursuit.

So, it comes as no surprise that this crowd has given us a scandal with the IRS, and the NSA, and a militarization of police, and using criminal prosecution for political gain, and things like Fast and Furious and Benghazi. Of course we have people on death row to further someone's political resume, or a witchhunt / pitchfork and torches mob when a woman makes a false allegation of abuse. This is a pathology that should alarm anyone, and I'm more alarmed that it doesn't.

It underlies the war-on-men problem. So long as women can push the female uber-victim meme, anything done 'for women' can rationalize just about any abuse you can imagine, including the loss of due process, the destruction of families, the massive entitlement state, VAWA, 3 decades of uncontested vilification of men, and the hyper-feminization of our k-12 and college education systems, and a corruption of our tax code, entitlement state, and social security system to engineer an enormous wealth transfer system to benefit women and politicians seeking a fickle voting block.

52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
I agree that the commenters there were pretty pathetic but as one insightful commenter pointed out, the NRO commenters kind of proved my point, that many men seem to be White Knights who are afraid of upsetting women or Uncle Tims ready to sell out their gender and treat men poorly. Their anger seems misplaced, I wonder if they just cannot handle the reality of what is going on in society in terms of the political and legal ramifications against men. I was frankly, a bit taken aback by their "blame the messenger" attitude but perhaps they are too afraid to take on or say anything negative for fear that women will turn on them or that they might have to accept that they are in some ways, impotent in the legal and political climate as it is. Either way, it is pretty pathetic and disappointing.
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
The Uncle Tims are afraid that they'll lose access to women, the White Nights think they're rescuing them, but both are, ultimately, insulting women with a "soft bigotry of low expectations".

Yes, I think fear of retaliation for not going along with an increasingly vicious lefty mob, which demonstrates immediate and real retaliation, is a very real factor. People are afraid to speak out when they'll go after your livelihood, and it can affect your family, your business, etc.

All in the name, ironically enough, of "intolerance".

The Prop-8 vitriol in California is when I noticed that the Left is the very real face of the intolerance, bigotry and petty vindictiveness that they claimed to be fighting against, and why I've determined that causes promoting gay/women/minority rights have been reduced to justify blatant contempt and abuse, readily visible in the comments on NRO.

I look at similar abuse of any conservative or libertarian female commentary that doesn't toe the line.

I don't know the words for that kind of mob vitriol (hopefully, you do), but having grown up in Detroit, I've seen it in several rent-a-mobs to intimidate people crossing picket lines, and it gets violent very quickly.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think some of those guys are men who are members of the elite classes (or at least they see themselves that way). They are all in favor of policies that make middle- and lower-class men less attractive to women. They figure, that way they can lots of women and harems for themselves.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Dr Helen. I am a firefighter in soulthern california. I have written a short story about the male suicide rate. It is reality based fiction and very moving (like how I promote that lol?). I also have an idea for going Galt that no man seems to do or think of but could save many men's lives and draw much attention to how frustrated we are in a world of misandry. Would love to chat about it.

Omar

jaminb81@gmail.com
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
"SMITH: I am surprised how many women have no or little empathy for men."

It's not news:
http://www.genderratic.com/p/3114/male-disposability-florence-nightingale-women-have-no-sympathy/
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
In case you or anyone else hasn't heard of it, one of the better blogs out there (IME) in terms of insightfulness is called "Feminism is Empathological" - empathological.wordpress.com.

It can be rather an eye-opener to take part of a day off and just watch several hours of women's daytime TV...
- The 60 y.o. bimbo and her sidekick on the last hour of the Today Show
- The high priestesses of The View
- the surreal Wendy Williams
- giggly Katie Couric
- bubble-brained Rachel Ray
- Ricki Lake, Bethenny (Frankel), etc.

What one sees is this: women live in a self-contained bubble where "men" have been disappeared and do not exist, and are thus of no concern whatsoever. Only a very select few celebs and gays are granted Honorary Woman Status and allowed past the wall of censorship.

Nighttime TV isn't any better; I recently flipped by Jimmy Kimmel to see a standard celebrity suck-off between him and John Stamos. It's basically all Oprah, all the time. As Rich Zubaty pointed out, this is a criminal misuse of our public airwaves.
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
Men have always had to put the priorities of their tribe #1, whereas women have only had to put themselves and their children #1.
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
Fascinating, thanks!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I think what Nightingale was talking about was a function of class. I think this may have been true of women of her own class and she generalized it to "women" in the same way as in her day "society" menat the kind of people a person ws intorduced to and spoke to, so that you could se someone wrting "We have come to X. There is no society here."

I doubt that the working class women who were the mothers, wives and sisters of the men she cared for would have had the same indifferent attitude.

A lot of the negative stuff we talk about in the MRM has ot do with toxic femininity, a specific female gender role. It has to do with threating men as dispsobale and "damseling" to cast themselves as victims needing help instead of healthy adults able to give help.Not all women play this role.

This role is all wound up with class and class pretensions. Think of the meanaing of the word" lady" has been stretched over time, of what it used to refer to and what it refers to now. Think of how unfeminine behavior is often called "unladylike".
52 weeks ago
52 weeks ago Link To Comment
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