Steven Crowder Has Sex
Scientists working in a secret laboratory around the clock have created an amazingly realistic female android programmed to show life-long affection for conservative comedian Steven Crowder. No other narrative is sufficient to explain the photograph above in which a young woman of breathtaking beauty seems for all the world actually to be marrying the guy. Believe me, Steven is a friend of mine and I can tell you from personal experience: There is absolutely no other way he scores a babe like that.
Now normally if a thought about Crowder’s sex life entered my mind I would naturally try to put out my eyes and pour boric acid into my ears in an attempt to clean out my brain. But hey, he started it. Writing at the Fox News Opinion blog (where apparently they let just anybody weigh in), Steven produced this provocative and extremely interesting post-marriage column called “Waiting for the Wedding Night — Getting Married the Right Way.”
Steven begins by confirming that, yes, he and his new missus waited to have sex until they were married — and then goes on to say that this is the right thing to do, as opposed to, you know, the wrong thing to do:
Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.
We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
The column is worth reading in itself, but even more fascinating is the predictable reaction: the filth, hatred and rage with which floozies and fickle manhood men have been responding in comments, blogs and on the entertaining @scrowder twitter feed.
Obviously, such reactions tend to confirm Crowder’s outlook. Why hate on the guy if you don’t secretly feel ashamed of yourself?
As for me, I’m personally delighted for Steven because now maybe he’ll stop badgering me with all those embarrassing questions. And as someone who did not follow the path he advises, and yet somehow ended up with, really, a storybook marriage that has now lasted approximately 472 years (for my wife — for me, it’s gone by in minutes), I’m in no position to offer him experiential support.
And yet, I can’t help feeling our young hero may be onto something. At the very least, I can say that the older I get, the more I feel an insouciant sex-is-just-sex attitude to sex is vastly more destructive to both the individual and society than our elite thinkers are willing to admit. And there is no question we have allowed these elites to teach us to place the value of being non-judgmental over the value of having values. Surely, even without any hard and fast rules, teaching our young that their bodies are meant to be vehicles for their spirits and not the other way around, might improve a world ravaged by depression, illegitimacy and loneliness.
In any case, drop in on Crowder’s @scrowder twitter feed and give the whippersnapper a hard time. It’s the internet equivalent of shivaree.
****
Andrew, you’re my hero.
Here’s a question I asked on my blog some time back. Imagine two couples. Same ages, same level of physical attractiveness.
One couple consists of two people who have had multiple partners since puberty. He can’t enjoy sex unless he dresses up as a French maid and gets spanked. She can’t enjoy it unless she’s tied on the bed, covered with mayonnaise.
The second couple are on their honeymoon, and have waited until marriage to consummate their relationship.
Which couple do you think are going to have a hotter time tonight?
Wait, did you say mayonnaise? Oh man, I love mayonnaise. I dont think this is a fair question.
“…internet equivalent of shivaree.” LOVE that line! Isn’t it sad that a man standing up for purity and starting off a life-long love in an honorable fashion is subject to such rage and hatred? God bless ‘em both. Thanks Andrew for the great smiles this morning.
It is the sad day when the people who make the detrimental choice of risky behavior can make fun of the people who choose to make choices that actually do not hurt one’s self and others emotionally and possible physically (STD’s). People who believe like Steven does, have moved far beyond that and have more respect for their and others’ emotions.
I had a flood of thoughts reading this. Mostly about the Breitbart theme of the culture war.
I don’t think it’s true that conservatives bowed out of the culture war. It’s more like they established their own culture. (I’m thinking specifically of the evangelical community, but I suspect that the Mexican-American Catholic culture functions in a similar way.) There’s a general “don’t bother us and we won’t bother you” attitude, but that’s a lie, because the mainstream and counter culture drive each other crazy. One side complains constantly on talk radio. The other side complains constantly about talk radio.
Crowder isn’t well-known, but he does seem to elicit a disproportionate response from the other side. And it’s funny, this ties in to your recent columm about admitting weakness. Crowder does exactly what nobody wants: he confirms what the little self-doubting voice is always telling you. There are standards; we all know what they are; it’s possible to live up to them; you’d be happier if you did. That’s a message that one side of the culture war is absolutely terrified of hearing. It’s their deepest fear that their opponents think it. Crowder not only thinks it; he says so.
This is what the culture war looks like. (OK, maybe not usually as cute as her, because seriously, did he use chloroform or something? There’s no way he gets a girl like that.) It becomes important to a person’s happiness that someone like Crowder isn’t happy. A lot of people are going to have to cover their ears and go back to making Jimmy Swaggert jokes, because the existence of non-hypocrites threatens their worldview.
as far as I can tell, people aren’t irritated by Crowder’s article because of any pro-abstinence views it expresses, but because it expresses them so arrogantly. while I’m sure we’re all thrilled that he found the right way for him, he simply doesn’t know for sure that it’s the right way period, and he can’t even know for absolute certain that it’s the right way for him until he’s been married (and having sex) for a long time.
there are a lot of “right ways” to have a healthy relationship. just because he’s found one that suits him doesn’t mean he’s found the golden ticket to happiness for everyone in the world.
Crowder’s article hit only one wrong note with me. I think he shouldn’t have called the bride whose new husband was sleeping it off a dame. “Dame” sounds contemptuous. Except for that, the tone of Crowder’s article is defiant–not arrogant. My oldest niece and her husband to be stayed celibate until their wedding day. During the year of their engagement, even I–who still saw nothing wrong, at that time, with sex outside of marriage–thought there was something disturbing about people who asked this conservative Christian couple why they weren’t saving money by living together, and (when my niece answered them) offered the unasked for opinion that the Christian view of sex was silly and somehow unhealthy.
Steven should have expected it (and I’m sure he did): 1 Peter 4:3-4 “For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do–living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you.”
Good on ‘ya Crowder. There are a few of us who still did the same – after 30 years (not sure what that is in wife years?) it’s still getting better. Just wait – you’ll see. Woooooo!
This confirms my new theory – that liberals are the New Pharisees. They are the most intolerant, judgmental, and hateful people when you do not conform to their dogmas, “morality” or lack thereof. Like Jesus’ description of His era’s sanctimonious elites, they strain at the gnats of a couple who does marriage right, and swallow the putrid camels of the massive destruction of the “sexual revolution.” They are the chalky whitewashed walls painted with “Tolerance”, while inside they reek of the stench of hate, hypocrisy, and judging. They are, in Jesus’ metaphor, like the spoiled, idle children of the marketplace who howl “intolerant” when you do not dance to their tune of intolerance. Go figure.
Because of what I witnessed 7 years ago when my niece was engaged, I think I’d have to say you’re right. We desperately need more well educated, attractive people like Mr. and Mrs. Crowder to be willing to be honest about their convictions, and to show, by example, the way back to a respectful treatment of human sexuality and love.
This post has me suddenly thinking that the most important leaders aren’t necessarily people elected or appointed to any position. They are people wise enough to recognize that what they do and say profoundly influences the people around them, (even when it seems not to) and good enough to strive to make that influence good.
Steve and his wife look exuberantly happy and are a beautiful couple, in more ways than one … and I’m talking as someone, like you, Andrew, who didn’t do it their way.
I know a lot of walking wounded, myself included, from the late ’60s, early ’70s, who bought the feminist clap-trap (‘luckily I didn’t contract the first) about “my body, myself” and the lure of contraceptives and “free love.” Let me tell ya’, permissive sexual encounters aren’t freeing. There are a lot of provisos no one ever tells you about the physical, psychological, and spiritual costs of sex outside of marriage. (They also don’t tell you about the mega-profits big pharma makes off promiscuous sex …)
I’ve been married for over 30 years to a wonderful husband, but the wounds are deep. I greatly admire people like Steve Crowder and his wife, who are wonderful, counter-cultural role models for young people looking for more fulfillment than the next “exciting” encounter which 9.5 times out of 10 turns out to be short-lived and a downer.
Exactly.