It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, Florida Man learns that cars in Virginia crash just like they do in Florida, the wrong weapon for robbing a Taco Bell, and what weirdos in New York will give up to see Harry Styles.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man arrested after 13 hit-and-run crashes
It isn't clear from the report what Florida Man was doing on I-95 in Virginia, aside from probably driving too fast and certainly doing multiple hit-and-runs in traffic that left a baker's dozen worth of crashes in his wake.
Virginia State Patrol officers caught up to him quickly enough and took him into custody. But according to one Redditor, this was no accident:
I was one of the people he hit. One minute you’re driving along as normal as ever. The next second this guy crashes into you on purpose. Hard. It’s a miracle I was not hurt. I was in the middle lane. He sped up along my passenger side and then just turned into me. He basically drove through my vehicle.
The Reddit guy's full story is at the link.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Vehicular Madness, Police Chase, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Crime Spree, You Can Take the Man Out of Florida..., Hold My Beer, WTF Were You Even THINKING? (7)
TOTAL: 7 FMF Points.
Range Safety Much?
Florida Man doing backyard target practice shoots neighbor’s horse
You know how I feel about sharing stories where animals get hurt, but reports say the horse is fine.
DESPITE GETTING SHOT BY FLORIDA MAN.
Fer cryin' out loud.
So Florida Man got himself a new gun — the story doesn't say what kind — and instead of breaking it in at the range, or building a berm that he could set up his target in front of, he just started shooting at a tree about 180 feet away.
About a thousand feet away, bullets struck a neighbor's house twice and their horse once.
All because this idiot forgot the vital rule about never pulling the trigger when you don't know where your bullet will stop.
Again, the horse was injured but will be OK.
Not sure how to score this one, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.
SCORE: Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Domestic Bliss, Hold My Beer, one Demerit for each stray bullet (three), WTF Were You Even THINKING? (7)
RUNNING TOTAL: 14 FMF Points.
P.S. I broke range safety once when I was 12 or 13 years old. Can't remember the details, but I do remember my grandfather boxing my ears immediately and hard enough that I never did that again.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Make Gunboat Diplomacy Great Again
Thank You, Drive Through
This genius, Kewarren Anderson, decided it would be a good idea to rob a Florida Taco Bell with a rock so he walked up to the drive through window, smashed it in, then demanded money.
— Mrgunsngear (@Mrgunsngear) February 10, 2026
Since he only had a rock, employees laughed and called 911. As this video shows, when police… pic.twitter.com/nuC56hqyOo
Would You Like a Cheesy Gordita Crunch With That Rock?
On X, Mr Guns 'N Gear wrote that Florida Man "decided it would be a good idea to rob a Florida Taco Bell with a rock so he walked up to the drive through window, smashed it in, then demanded money."
Hilarity ensued. For actual real.
"Since he only had a rock, employees laughed and called 911. As this video shows, when police arrived he attempted to hide behind a dumpster but was greeted by a police dog before being arrested."
Next time, Florida Man, bring a bigger rock.
SCORE: Taco Bell, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Drive-Thru Mayhem, Good Dog, Went Viral, Police Bodycam, Hide & Seek, Criminal Mastermind, and I have to award a Bonus Point for having the best Scream Queen scream since Jamie Lee Curtis. (9)
RUNNING TOTAL: 23 FMF Points
Nine points for such a simple tale. This is why we love Florida Man.
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Couple Arrested After Pickleball Match Turns Into a Brawl
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man accused of mooning, chucking soda at group of teens inside a McDonald’s
You know what I hate?
You know how when you're trying to enjoy a nice dinner at McDonald's but there are some teens at that other table who look like they're just having fun and minding their own business but you know what's really up because you can tell those damn kids are totally staring at you but only when you aren't looking so go over and get in their faces so they can get a real good look so then for whatever reason they start arguing with you which is when you throw your soda at them and run out of the McDonald's but they follow you outside which is when you come up with this cunning plan to frame them for the whole thing and you throw yourself into some bushes so you can say they did it so while you're there in the bushes you do the next cunning thing and turn around and moon them but you don't just give them the full moon and instead you start caressing your butt only the cops show up and you confess to everything before they even read your Miranda rights which maybe wasn't so cunning?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Likely Story, Someone's Bottom Area, Criminal Mastermind, Way to Take the L, Glamor Mugshot, Dude You OK? (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 29 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Florida Mom reunites with hero who saved her and her 3 children after car crash
How did I miss the rescue when it happened last month? I accept full responsibility for that, but here's the reunion story that comes complete with internet-transmissible onion fumes:
Shyneniqua Wilkins and her children were inside a car in Martin County last month when she had a medical emergency behind the wheel.
Wilkins’ car ran off the road and ended up upside down in a canal.
Casey Curtis witnessed the crash from his rearview mirror while driving.
He immediately stopped his vehicle and jumped into the canal to reach Wilkins and her three children.
The Wilkins family has expressed that the bond formed during the rescue has changed their relationship with Curtis.
Rather than viewing him only as the man who stopped to help, they considered him a member of their family.
Well, yeah.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Vehicular Madness, Water Hazard. (5)
RUNNING TOTAL: 34 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: The Twofer Eye-Bleach Mugshot Edition
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 34 points for another big average of 6.8, and I'm still worked up over the guy who shot the horse.
Meanwhile, in New York...
Harry Styles fans are selling blood to buy tickets for NYC residency
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
Florida Man Friday
P.S. Don't miss Five O'Clock Somewhere with Stephen Kruiser, Yours Truly, and special guest Ashley McCully at 3 p.m. Eastern today. There will be day drinking.
