It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn when half a head is better than none, why you don't impersonate Tommy Chong, and where to ride a bull in Ohio.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man with half a head arrested for attempted murder, arson
If your first thought was, "Surely, that's a photoshop from the Weekly World News," then welcome to the party, pal — that was my first thought, too.
Also, don't call me Shirley.
But no, "Officers of the Miami Police Department say a man with a deformed skull is charged with arson and attempted murder after setting a mattress on fire" at the duplex his mom owns. He seems to have been arrested without incident, and also without half his head.
Turns out, Florida Man lost half his skull in a drunk driving incident (surprise!) over a decade ago. After his miraculous recovery, he became known as "Halfy," and came out against drunk driving (surprise again!) in a YouTube video.
The Daily Mail reported in 2012 that Halfy "shot to fame two years ago after he was was arrested for allegedly soliciting prostitution," and that police "had problems with their paperwork and his forms contained no name and simply the description 'half a head.'"
No word on whether or not the hooker offered a discount for that.
Note: this incident took place in 2016, but it cropped up in several news outlets this week for whatever reason.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Went Viral, Drugs/Alcohol, Way to Take the L, Domestic Bliss, Dude You OK?, Glamor Mugshot (of all time).
TOTAL: 6 FMF Points.
How Not to Halloween
Florida Man arrested on DUI charge on Halloween while dressed as prison inmate
I love Halloween, always have. I started making my own costumes in third grade — which was exactly the moment I was old enough to notice the store-bought ones were mostly crap. The year before (1977), I'd gone as Luke Skywalker, and the costume consisted of one of those masks that covered nothing but the front of your head and was held in place by a little elastic thread. The outfit, such as it was, was basically a shirt with a picture of Luke on it because nobody was going to guess from the stupid, awful mask.
The next year, I went as Dracula and did my own makeup. It was bloody awesome.
So the thrill of Halloween, particularly once you're an adult, is that it's a nationwide Come As You Aren't party. Yes, I still dress up and still make my own costumes. My makeup skills are pretty solid, although I'm not sure I'll ever top 1998 and Night of the Living Dead Attorney for sheer grossness.
Florida Man's problem was that he mistook Halloween for a Come As You Are event.
Drunk, stupid, and already dressed as an inmate is no way to drive through Florida, son.
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Caught on Video, Élan, Way to Take the L, Master of Disguise.
RUNNING TOTAL: 11 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Kinetic Sanctions, Shadow Fleets, and the Long, Slow Bleeding of Russia
Only Tommy Chong Gets to Do That
Florida Man ‘Rambo’ Tried To Eat The Evidence, But Couldn’t Stomach The Arrest
This has got to be a line from a Cheech & Chong movie: "A wanted felon known by the moniker 'Rambo' may have bitten off more than he could chew—literally—when he tried to make his drug evidence disappear during an arrest."
I saw the guy's mugshot. He's no Rambo:
Florida Man was already facing an active warrant from a recent Special Investigations Division case when the Martin County Sheriff’s Office located him driving along US1. When deputies gave him the "bad news" that he was under arrest, Rambo’s response was highly unconventional: he started to eat.
Deputies noted that Rambo was displaying symptoms consistent with ingesting narcotics. During the chaotic takedown, Rambo was attempting to destroy evidence by swallowing a significant amount of crack cocaine.
He admitted to hospital staff that he'd tried to swallow about an ounce of crack. No word on whether he also tried to swallow that other 10 grams of crack and the Glock that police also found in his car.
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Resisting Arrest, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Criminal Mastermind, Should Have Taken the L, You Hid It WHERE?, Outstanding Warrant(s), Glamor Mugshot.
RUNNING TOTAL: 19 FMF Points
After a slow start, FMF is picking up some serious steam.
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man Opens Fire After Bar Argument About How Many Eggs a Chicken Can Lay
Details matter.
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Helicopter and K-9 join in pursuit of fleeing suspect captured at hotel in Lady Lake
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business on Sunday night going real fast and swerving all over County Road 44 because maybe you had a few when for whatever reason this cop pulls his car right in front of you like you're supposed to just stop or something so you do this hot little U-turn and now you've got that cop right on your tail when this other cop car gets in on the chase so you cut through this Microtel parking lot but the next thing you know you hit a dead end with the cops right behind you so you take off running but damn those cops got a dog and a helicopter after you now so you race back to the car hoping maybe to back out but the cops must've thought of that already because there's a dude yelling at you to get down which sounds pretty good after all that running and then you're still minding your own business only now it's in the county lockup?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: The Villages, Vehicular Madness, Police Chase, Drugs/Alcohol (the story doesn't say, but c'mon), Vehicular Madness, Suspended License/Expired Tags, The Inevitable Helicopter (Or Drone), Resisting Arrest, Fleeing the Scene, Recidivism, Glamor Mugshot.
11 — impressive night out.
RUNNING TOTAL: 30 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
You know I don't often include any stories involving death — kinda ruins the FMF mood, you know? — but there are exceptions.
Like this one:
Heart-pounding bodycam footage showed a Florida cop take out a knife-wielding madman with a single shot to the head — saving a young boy with his quick action.
Footage from just outside Tampa on Sunday afternoon showed Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Deputy Anthony Gonzalez, 25, kick down a bedroom door after hearing a 7-year-old boy pleading for help inside.
Gonzales found a man in body armor and a motorcycle helmet holding a knife to the boy’s throat — and the man refused to comply when the deputy raised his gun ordered the man to drop the knife.
After several warnings, Gonzalez fired a single shot and dropped the assailant.
Great shot, Deputy Gonzales, under the worst of circumstances — turns out that 7-year-old Florida Boy was held at knifepoint by his own big brother.
I can't even imagine.
SCORE: Police Bodycam, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Tactical Gear, Stand-Off, I Just Seriously Don't Understand People Sometimes, the usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness to Gonzales, an extra one for making the headshot against a guy in body armor, and one more for Florida Boy in hopes that he makes a full recovery from a terrible night.
That's another 10 points. And a big shudder from me.
RUNNING TOTAL: 40 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Stupidest. Credit Card Thief. EVER.
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a record total of 40 points for a record-shattering average of 8 FMF points.
Meanwhile, in Ohio...
New: Police Respond to Suspicious Activity Call — Man Riding Bull Through Walmart Parking Lot
— The Facts Dude 🤙🏽 (@Thefactsdude) November 7, 2025
Officers were dispatched after a caller reported a “male with a cowboy hat riding a whitish bull up and down the parking lot” outside a Walmart.
When officers arrived, they located… pic.twitter.com/aiNB2idDGS
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
Florida Man Friday
P.S. Don't miss Five O'Clock Somewhere with Stephen Kruiser, Yours Truly, and special guest Erika Haas at 3 p.m. Eastern today. There will be day drinking.
