First of all, I apologize for nothing!
Secondly — true story time.
Driving alone in the car yesterday, I put on a playlist called Stuff I Remember from the Radio Before I Was Old Enough to Buy My Own Records. That’s not it’s real name, of course. It’s really called “The Shame List.” Which is why I only play it in the car. Alone. With the windows rolled up. And no, I don’t know all the words. [That last part is a lie. -ed.]
So Starbuck’s “Moonlight Feels Right” came on, and instantly I was back in 1976. The keyboards, the outrageous facial hair, the big pants, the… is that a xylophone solo?… It all came back.
When I got home I went to the iTunes Store, because maybe there was some other, awful Starbuck song I’d once known but had since forgotten. I have this compulsion to flesh out even my awful playlists, and it will not be denied. Searching for Starbuck yielded a bunch of albums and of the first two, I clicked on the one which cost $5.99, because there was no way I was going to spend $9.90 on freaking Starbuck.
The first track on the album in question not called “Moonlight Feels Right” was “Everybody Be Dancin’.” That seemed promising, because who doesn’t like to be dancin’? I clicked Play for the preview and at once the sound coming out of my speakers was so strange and so hideous I immediately hit the Stop button. That’s when I looked and saw that the album I was looking at was a K-Tel collection, and you never know who’s really playing on a K-Tel collection. They’re the label that was clever enough to use “Not by the original artists!” as a selling point. Did I say “clever enough?” I meant “cheap enough.”
My next stop naturally was to a real album recorded for sure by the real Starbuck. Clicked on a song called “Drop A Little Rock,” and at once the sound coming out of my speakers was so strange and so hideous I immediately hit the Stop button. Tried it with a couple more songs, each time with the same strange and hideous result.
Starbuck isn’t just weird. They’re weird and awful. But darnit, I can’t help liking “Moonlight.” It just feels right.
And you gotta admit, that’s a kickin’ xylophone solo.