Songs of Upper New York

Hello Mullah, hello Fatwa
Here I am at Camp al-Qaeda
Camp is very entertaining
But when I’m home I’ll have to do some ‘splaining

I went hiking with bin Laden,
He has got this kidney problem
You remember that guy Omar?
He got hit last night by some Air Force bomber

All the bombsmiths hate the fighters
And the caves have no escalators
All that climbing makes me throw up,
But they say it’s either that or we get blown up

Don’t go thinking I’m some fairy,
But my cave mate has dysentery
You remember Brother Hamel?
We caught him late last night with an old camel

Take me home, oh for the Jihad!
Take me home, I hate al-Qaeda!
Don’t leave me out in the desert,
Where I might get shot by a Canuck!

Take me home, I promise that I won’t steal planes
Or destroy stuff and cause you pains
Oh please don’t make me stay;
Now I see the One True Way!

Dearest Fatwa, darling Mullah,
I have met a pretty Bella
We’ll both come home if you miss us;
I hear she’s even hotter sans that moustache

Wait a minute; the bombs stopped falling
Guys are shooting, guys are mauling
My gal just left me, how much I hate her
Mullah, Fatwa I won’t be home ’til much later!