The PJ Tatler

New Creative Contest: Your Chance to Rewrite Obama's Post-Election Speech

President Obama at post-election press conference on Nov. 5 2014

Credit: McClatchy     President Obama at November 5, post-election press conference


If you need any more proof that President Obama is a narcissist- in-chief rather than a commander-in-chief, here is one of the most revealing statements he uttered during his post-election press conference on November 5.

Obviously, Republicans had a good night. And they deserve credit for running good campaigns. Beyond that, I’ll leave it to all of you and the professional pundits to pick through yesterday’s results.

I dare you to read the complete transcript without cursing aloud the American people for twice-electing this man to be our leader.

Yesterday, after the press conference, PJ Tatler editor Bryan Preston succinctly summed up Obama’s message:

“He’s not going to change, not for you, not for the voters, not for anybody.”

But what if Obama actually had the guts to change?

What if he had reacted like a normal leader who had just suffered a catastrophic defeat? How different would his post-election presser have sounded?

That is your mission (if you dare.) You are tasked to write statements that Obama would have included in his post-election speech had he reacted more like a leader who had just been repudiated by the people and his party.

To start you off, here are my entries:

“I am the general in charge of the War on Women. I have just signed a declaration of surrender that puts an end to this phony war that I concocted to win reelection in 2012.”

“American voters have finally realized that I am nothing but a trumped-up community organizer and my organization has just been decimated.”

“I am now forced to admit that trying to divide the American people using class-warfare and racial/gender-identity politics has totally failed.”

“Please forgive me for immediately playing golf after the beheading of an American by ISIS. It was a boneheaded move because my head was into my game.”

“Now is a good time to admit that it was my children, Sasha and Malia, who first suggested the idea of blaming the Benghazi terror attack on a You Tube video.”

(Holding up a large pen)  “Because the American people have spoken, here is the pen that I will use to sign any legislation that lands on my desk from the Republican-controlled Congress.”

“Republicans now have the opportunity to undo all the damage I have done to this nation since taking office.”

“These election results have proven that I am the problem.”

Michelle told me last night, “It not all about me anymore,” and I said, “Yes dear,” and I meant it.

Enough with my fantasy speech writing!

Now it is your turn to rewrite President Obama’s post-election speech.

Have fun, but remember that President Obama still controls the IRS.