The PJ Tatler

Piers Morgan Tweet Sparks Papal Confession

[From the ScrappleFace Global Religion Bureau]

Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world, and the Roman Catholic church, today when he “updated” his original justification for his early retirement, now admitting he’s quitting to spend more time slalom skiing, windsurfing and satisfying his passion for a variety of extreme sports.

The Vatican had initially indicated that the octogenarian pontiff was stepping down due to the physical infirmities of old age, but the Holy See was forced to admit the full story when Piers Morgan, the CNN talkshow host, tweeted skeptically

As a Catholic, I’m not buying this. Popes don’t just quit because they’re tired. What’s going on here??

The 85-year-old Benedict skips town after just eight years on the job, saying he needs more time for recreation, and to get back into shape. He’s the first pope since 1415 to resign, when Pope Tonyhawk CCCLX put down the mitre to pick up the skateboard.

A Vatican spokeman said the disappointment at the Holy See is palpable, since many were looking forward to the eventual pageantry of a papal funeral, which is how the faithful typically celebrate a pope’s retirement party.

Meanwhile, Piers Morgan said he’s asked his bishop for a special dispensation to get the first interview with an ex-Pope in 597 years. A Vatican spokesman couldn’t say if it would happen, but recommended that Morgan get ready to shoot a sit-down with the erstwhile Pontiff at the studio where NASA filmed the moon landing.