Dear Karine Jean-Pierre:
Forgive my directness, but if we’re gonna work together — and I really, truly hope we will — we’ll need to be honest and upfront. (In private, I mean. Out in public, you continue being you.)
And the truth is, your book sales are horrific: Forget about your “enemies” in the GOP; here are the real, actual headlines from your allies in the mainstream media:
MSNBC: What Karine Jean-Pierre’s disastrous book tour exposes about Biden loyalism
Politico: Karine-Jean Pierre’s book tour is non-stop cringe. Her former colleagues can’t look away
New York Times: Karine Jean-Pierre and a Book Tour Most Authors Would Not Dream of
Washington Post: Karine Jean-Pierre’s ex-colleagues pan her book about a ‘broken’ White House
The Daily Beast: Furious Biden Insiders Unleash Hell on Karine Jean-Pierre’s ‘Bizarre Cash Grab’
The Hill: New Yorker writer tangles with Jean-Pierre: I’m not sure what you’re saying’
Axios: ‘Who Cares’: Congressional Democrats say good riddance to Karine Jean-Pierre
Pro Tip: Words and phrases such as disastrous, cringe, pan, furious, bizarre, and “good riddance” aren’t helpful for boosting book sales.
(And to think, you used to do favors for these people. Why, the nerve of those ingrates!)
Additionally, your PR stunt of ditching the Democratic Party backfired quite spectacularly. I get why you did it: With your book coming out, you needed a gimmick — something to drum up media interest. Ditching the Dems and making yourself the focus of the storyline probably made sense at the time.
Trouble is, your core audience was diehard Democratic Party loyalists, not Joe Biden loyalists. (Joe Biden wasn’t important enough to have his own loyalists!) So once you turned your back on the Democratic Party, the party’s acolytes in the mainstream media turned their backs on you.
As press secretary for the Biden Administration, Karine Jean-Pierre spent two years representing not only President Joe Biden but also the Democratic Party. It is huge news when she officially left the party and promoted a book that portrayed her as an “independent,” while casting aspersions on the Biden White House as “broken.”
[…]
…[I]t’s been a big story on Fox News and CNN. One cable network, however, has deemed it not newsworthy and decided to ignore it entirely: MSNBC.
According to transcript searches for her name (and its many iterations), MSNBC has not mentioned Jean-Pierre’s name once on air since news of her political conversion broke Wednesday. By comparison, Fox News has mentioned her name 72 times in that period, and CNN has cited her name 44 times. Again: MSNBC? Zero.
Adding to the layer of curiosity to this editorial decision is that Jean-Pierre and MSNBC have long had a symbiotic relationship. Before she joined the Biden Administration, she was a contributor for MSNBC, appearing on various panel shows and representing a strong, progressive point of view, which the network loves to amplify. It’s entirely reasonable to believe that her rise to political prominence in Washington, D.C. was aided mainly by her frequent appearances on MSNBC. This makes the lack of coverage of this recent development all the more revealing. [emphasis added]
Ouch, babe: A media stunt that KILLS your coverage with your most relevant TV partner is a lousy PR strategy. And now, your ultimate dream of cohosting The View may never come to fruition. (Oh, the humanity!)
The way I see it, your problems are twofold:
- You lied about Joe Biden’s cognitive decline for so frickin’ long, nobody right of center cares what you say.
- Because the Biden presidency was an unmitigated embarrassment that led to the return of Donald Trump, nobody left of center cares what you say.
And now, you’re a woman without an audience… so who the hell did you think was gonna buy your book?!
But what if I told you I had a win-win solution that rebranded your identity — transforming those negatives into positives — repositioning you as a WINNER?
Furthermore, what if this solution filled BOTH our pockets with oodles of money? That’d be really good, right?
Ca-ching!
Plus, if everything goes according to plan, your celebrity profile will skyrocket: Instead of being seen as a numbskull, mushed-mouth, double-digit I.Q. loser, you’ll be seen as a shrewd Machiavellian strategist who seamlessly orchestrated the greatest political con in history!
(Why, I’ll betcha The View would love to hire you then. We’d hate to deprive their audience of all the witty repartee between you and the HILARIOUS Joy Behar.)
I got my idea from another female trailblazer, Judith Regan. She’s the genius who tried to publish OJ Simpson’s book, If I Did It.
Do you see where I’m going with this?! (Nah, probably not: I’ve seen your press conferences; I’ll have to explain this further.)
Karine, your critics are looking at everything all wrong: You’re not a loser. For years at a time, you tricked the entire D.C. press corps into believing Joe Biden was as “sharp as a tack.” It was (Andrew) McCarthyism: You’re the puppeteer who deftly pulled the media’s strings in an open-air reenactment of Weekend at Bernie’s.
Bravo! Well done!
So let’s pull a page from the Judith Regan playbook (I, uh, forget how it worked out for her) and write a new book.
Just you and me: I’ll be Judith, you’ll be OJ.
We’ll call it, How I Did It.
‘Cause I want ALL the juicy, salacious details: Which media outlets were the easiest to trick? Which reporters saddled up to the trough and ate the most bull[feces]? How badly was Biden drooling behind the scenes? How gullible were the Democratic congressmen, senators, governors, and cabinet members who kept insisting Ol’ Joe was still an intellectual dynamo?
And which media outlets, reporters, and Democratic politicians knew the truth about Joe Biden all along — but LIED to the American people?
Obviously, the target audience for this kind of book is right of center. That’s my world, Karine, not yours. Yet I’m not only willing to help you navigate it, but I’m also offering to be your business partner: For just 10% 15% 50% (gross, not net), I’ll help you get this project off the ground.
Because I believe in you.
And if everything goes according to plan, we could even build this into a highly profitable multimedia brand: How about a KJP-themed reality TV show, where we stick dementia patients in all kinds of wacky situations?
We’ll call it Not All There With Jean-Pierre.
For episode one, we’ll dress-up an Alzheimer’s patient as an airline pilot, and then drop him off at the airport, secretly filming him as he wanders around, scaring the [expletive] out of the passengers. For episode two, we’ll dress him as a doctor and drop him off at a cancer hospital.
Oh, the possibilities are endless!
Best of all, if anyone is offended, all we’ll have to do is point out the historical precedent: Hey, you didn’t complain when we did it in the White House. So why complain now?
Karine, we’re sitting on a goldmine. Call me.
One Last Thing: The Schumer Shutdown is upon us. Rather than put the American people first, Chuck Schumer and the radical Democrats forced a government shutdown for healthcare for illegals. They own this.
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