News & Politics

Avenatti = Schadenfreude

Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels' attorney. (AP Photo/Seth Wenig, File)

What’s the Italian word for schadenfreude? I’m pretty sure it’s “Avenatti.”

Throughout the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation debacle, anybody who presumed the man was innocent until proven guilty in the court of public opinion was branded a “rape apologist” by angry feminists and other Democrats. We were supposed to take the accusations at face value, even though there was absolutely no evidence to support them. The mere presence of the accusations was enough to decide the matter. Guilty until proven innocent, that was the new standard.

One man who did a lot to promote that point of view was cable-news fixture and purported attorney Michael Avenatti. He trotted out a woman named Julie Swetnick to accuse Kavanaugh of being part of some sort of gang-rape ring. Her accusation was completely unsupported by any evidence whatsoever, but it was good enough for the people who wanted to bring down Kavanaugh by any means necessary. And her attorney insisted we believe the tale, because it was told by a woman. If you’re skeptical of a woman’s accusation, that means you hate women. That’s what we were told.

Avenatti is singing a different tune today, isn’t he?

But it all seems strangely familiar:

“Well, he never abused me.” If you mocked the women who spoke out in support of Kavanaugh, I assume you want us to take these character witnesses seriously. I’ve never really seen the point of these sorts of statements, because they don’t prove anything one way or the other, but apparently that’s how this works.

If Avenatti is expecting a hand from the woman who made him famous, he might be in for a shock. Stormy Daniels might have finally found a man she isn’t willing to stroke:

That’s when you know you’re licked.

No word yet on his this affects Avenatti’s latest client, Women’s Initiative board member Juan Manuel Granados, who’s accusing my friend and former boss Tucker Carlson of assault.

Once again, I think Avenatti is full of merda.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s guilty of what he stands accused of today. I’ll say to him the same thing I said to Brett Kavanaugh: I don’t assume you’re guilty just because you’ve been accused. I’ll wait to see the evidence, if any. That’s the principle. My personal feelings have nothing to do with it.

See how that works? See how fair that is? Give it a try sometime, Basta Boy.

I would also hope that all the people who condemned Brett Kavanaugh are reexamining their prejudices today. But that’s probably too much to hope.

If you think this will derail Avenatti’s plans to run for president, you’re not as jaded as I am. Allegations of abuse against women sure didn’t stop Bill Clinton, and Hillary wasn’t hurt at all by her complicity in covering for Bill. Democrats were willing to overlook “You’d better put some ice on that,” because they had the power they wanted. I’m sure they’d be willing to overlook this.

And now, a long-distance dedication to America’s favorite creepy porn lawyer: