The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard trial is off-the-charts ridiculous. But it’s not Depp’s fault. His former wife is spinning a yarn that is truly weirder than most soap opera plots. Her ex-husband told his story and offered multiple witness statements that corroborated everything he said. On the night Heard was reported to have hurled a can of mineral spirits at Depp, there were witnesses who tended to the wound afterward. One of Depp’s employees was so fearful for his safety that night that she put a security guard at the building where he slept in case Heard made a second attempt to injure him.
Similar corroborating testimonies racked up during the plaintiff’s turn. But then the plaintiff rested and it was the defense’s turn to tell their story. And what they said happened is so batsh*t crazy, it’s hard to put into words. Heard told tales of abuse that if true would have killed or severely injured her. There’s no way she could have been “beaten in the face” repeatedly by a grown man wearing rings on every finger and walked away without one laceration, and yet that’s her testimony. Her evidence is a few photographs taken in poor lighting that could be her face after a hard night of partying on mushrooms and too much wine. The “broken nose” and “black eyes” she claims to have could be dark circles. It doesn’t look like any black eye I’ve ever seen.
But there’s still a chance I might believe her. Here’s what I would need to see in order for that to happen:
Johnny Depp’s cleaning staff on the stand
Heard claimed that the first time Depp hit her, she was knocked onto a dirty carpet. She talked about this carpet at length, describing how long she stared at this dirty “filthy” carpet, wondering how she got there. The descriptive carpet foray was bizarre, to say the least, but let’s just take her at her word. Johnny Depp has filthy carpets.
But does he? If I were the plaintiff, I would call Depp’s cleaning staff (which must exist for every property he owns) and ask them to detail their cleaning schedule, including how many times the carpets were cleaned. I would ask them if they ever allowed any carpet to get “filthy” and if so, how they stayed employed. This weird claim could be easily debunked because no cleaning staff that works for famous rich people would be so negligent that they would allow carpets to get “filthy,” would they? We need to know.
The weather report in L.A. for the night Heard claimed she “saw her breath”
I’m not from L.A. but I don’t think residents there often see their breath in the air, do they? At one point in the testimony, Heard claimed she was sitting in the car and saw her breath, indicating that the weather was cold enough to see exhalation. (I searched for the clip but was unable to find it. But she did say it and I’m sure of that because I’ve watched every second of this trial.) I need to see the weather report for that day in L.A. to confirm whether or not it was cold enough for that phenomenon to have occurred. If not, this is yet another lie to add to the growing pile that makes her testimony incredibly incredible.
Amber Heard should demonstrate how she covered black eyes with Milani makeup and “Amica” cream
Heard’s lawyers keep insisting that Heard is a makeup magician who can cover any injury with something called “Amica” cream (really Arnica cream) and a Milani makeup compact. Heard testified on the stand that she is trained in makeup. If I were the plaintiff’s counsel I would have her qualified as an expert in makeup. Then I’d bring in someone with a genuine swollen, weepy black eye and ask her to demonstrate how she can cover it up well enough to go on television and look normal. According to Heard’s testimony, she made an appearance on the James Corden show the day after she suffered a broken nose and two black eyes. Here she is on that show.
Even one corroborating medical record — just one would do
Heard has alleged rape with a liquor bottle so severe that it injured her pubic bone. She testified that Depp punched her repeatedly in the face while wearing rings and beat her so badly that she lost consciousness. She said she was dragged across broken glass while naked and that her feet were cut with glass. There are no medical records corroborating any of this. The only evidence she submitted was the following photos:
Amber Heard's team has admitted photos of her injuries after she described a horrific attack in testimony. I am very curious as to what the jury is thinking right now. #AmberHeard #JohnnyDeppVsAmberHeardTrial https://t.co/9w4ThBw8yP pic.twitter.com/qn5itNTp3K
— Emily D. Baker ⚖️ 💜 (@TheEmilyDBaker) May 5, 2022
The nurse who saw her after these alleged events saw nothing except a bleeding lip, which could have been due to lip-picking. (Several videos showed that Heard has a lip-picking habit.) Heard also testified that her vagina was bleeding after the alleged assault but she did not seek any medical attention. Not only that, but audio recordings from the day after the alleged assault reveal her nonchalantly asking about Depp’s condition and wanting to see him in the hospital, and not telling anyone that she needed to go see a doctor. The doctors in the room, who were her personal medical team, were not concerned with any injuries to Heard and were only trying to calm her mental state while worrying about Depp’s condition.
Ben Shapiro’s reaction to this testimony is all of us.
Unnamed flight attendant and unnamed party guest whom Heard testified were abused by Depp
Heard conveniently keeps naming witnesses who are dead or don’t seem to exist. One witness is her now-deceased mother, whom she claims she told about the alleged abuse. She provided a text message with her mother, in which she sent a photograph of a bruise on her arm but the context of the text message was redacted. I need the full context of that text to understand if the image was what she said it was.
Another witness Heard mentions is a flight attendant whom she says did MDMA with her and Depp, and who was assaulted by Depp. Heard claimed Depp grabbed the flight attendant’s arm and threatened to break it. That person must be called to the stand to either corroborate or deny that incident.
Heard claims yet another witness — an unnamed party guest — had a similar experience with Depp. The jury should get to hear from that person, too. Why aren’t these people on Heard’s witness list? And why is she allowed to claim they had these experiences without the jury hearing from them first-hand? It remains to be seen if either will be called when court resumes after a week’s pause.
Witnesses to alleged Yorkie abuse
Heard claims that Depp held her Yorkie out of a moving car while Depp howled, and that several people witnessed this event. She also claimed there were texts to prove this. Where were the texts? The jury was not offered any corroborating texts. In order for me to believe this claim, I’m going to need to see the texts and hear first-person witness accounts. Heard did not name the people in the car. Who were they? Where are they? And will we hear from them?
Lilly-Rose Depp must take the stand
Heard has dragged Depp’s daughter, who is now an adult, into the trial by claiming she was a witness to the abuse Heard says she suffered. On one occasion, Heard testified that Lilly-Rose wanted to leave a yacht with her to escape Depp. In order to corroborate this story, Lilly-Rose must testify.
A lobotomy
If all the above should come back in Heard’s favor, I’m going to need a lobotomy to forget a few things:
1. The lie that she “donated” $7 million of her divorce settlement to the ACLU and the L.A. Children’s hospital.
Testimony proved that Heard did no such thing. The ACLU said Elon Musk donated $500,000 while Heard donated much less. They have not been paid the remainder of the pledged amount. The L.A. Children’s hospital sent a letter that stated only $100,000 of the $3.5 million had been paid to them.
2. The fact that Heard has been arrested for domestic violence during her marriage to her ex-wife and lied to Dr. Hughes about it.
Dr. Hughes, the paid psychological expert for the defense, said Heard had no history of domestic violence, which means that Heard didn’t tell her of her previous arrest.
#DrHughes #AmberHeard has no prior history of domestic violence… #JohnnyDepp #JohnnyDeppVsAmberHeard #JOHNNY #JusticeForJohnny #JusticeForJohnnyDeep #AmberHeard #AmberHeardlsALiar #JohnnyDeppAmberHeardTrial #JohnnyDeppIsInnocent pic.twitter.com/HDITW7hK25
— Lilly inLondon (@HenrikVanger2) May 3, 2022
Related: Bombshell Testimony: Amber Heard Stiffed the ACLU and a Children’s Hospital
3. Heard claimed Depp put his fingers inside her like a bowling ball and moved her around “violently” in a closet.
I just can’t. What man could violently throw around a 110-lb. woman with one hand like that? This isn’t plausible in any way, just like her other claims that he conducted a “cavity search” for cocaine (when there was a giant jar of cocaine reportedly always available) and “threw her across the room” like he had superhuman strength, or that he “swung her around” by the hair like a Marvel hero. He’s almost 60. If it is true that Depp did these things, he should be studied by science. He could be a mutant.
I'm sorry. Forgive me ahead of time. But "put his fingers in her vagina and moved her around violently in the closet" like a finger puppet? Does this even sound possible? #DeppVsHeard https://t.co/Kn5JqhI05W
— Megan Fox (@MeganFoxWriter) May 4, 2022
The trial is on pause for a week while the judge attends the highly suspect conference of judges, where judges pretend they’re a voting body like the legislature and make all kinds of pseudo-laws that you can read about in my investigative reporting here. Instead of tending to the actual justice system and making sure the litigants in this case receive a fair trial without the jury being swayed by media coverage during the ten-day pause, the judge decided to go play legislator.
This country’s legal system has become laughable. But let’s hope that when the trial finally resumes, Heard either presents real evidence for her claims or is roundly rebuked by the jury.
