The Spiritual Journey Of Billy Corgan
When you put together a list of the most influential and interesting bands of the '90s, you have to put Smashing Pumpkins near the top of the list. The band and its charismatic leader, Billy Corgan, took a flair for the grandiose, a generation's angst, and Corgan's distinctive voice and parlayed them into a successful career, selling 25 million albums.
Smashing Pumpkin's songs spoke to certain members of my generation in ways that no other band could. Lyrics like, "The killer in me is the killer in you," "In spite of my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage," and "We don't even care" reflected a particular spiritual emptiness in Generation X. Whether fans were drawn to that brand of nihilism (remember the Zero T-shirt?) or, like me, just enjoyed the music, there was no denying the darkness at the core of Corgan's music.
Corgan admits that he had a definite reason for such darkness - he struggled with depression and often harbored suicidal thoughts during the band's heyday:
“I think I had to hit rock-bottom to even be open to ask for help,” he says of his state of mind during much of the 1990s.
“There were days, months and years where I just stared out the window and felt miserable...”
Corgan’s music was always hailed for its raw honesty but overt spirituality didn’t seem to be part of his earlier life. In 1993, while their second album, “Siamese Dream,” catapulted The Pumpkins to nationwide popular success, Corgan says he felt suicidal.
Throughout that period, Corgan’s maniacally creative genius helped him suppress the unhappiness and emptiness he felt inside as the world seemed to simultaneously hand him the best and worst of everything. Band members’ drug addictions, messy personal relationships and the pressure of living up to expectations of becoming the new Nirvana locked Corgan into a deep depression while record sales soared.
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