School Bell Yes, Ma Bell Cell No

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I was asked to teach a course to new analysts on Wall Street. The large amount of material to cover and the limited amount of time allotted during their 30-day training period were absurd. But what was even more absurd was that there was no cell phone ban.

Here were these wiz kids who had just gotten their shot at the major leagues. They thought they had the world in their hands. What they had in their hands was a cell phone. I might just as well have been speaking in outer space, an airless place where sound does not travel.

The only thing I think I ever got through to them was near the end. I told them all to stop and look out the window. "Yes, you. Put the phone down and look out the window. What do you see? Directly across the street is the cross at Ground Zero. Do you see that? A lot of poor slobs went to work that day and never returned. Some were finance guys just like you. So as you begin your career, remember to take care of your family, say your prayers, and offer each day's work up to God. If you offer honest work up to God each day, and make your family a priority over the job, whether you die on the job or in bed, your life will be a success. It's worthwhile."

Ha! That's not something you'll find on your darn cell phone.

In Alabama and Florida, family and friends are already trundling off to school. Yes, in many states, school is underway. Pardon the bad English, but to cell or not to cell, that is the question. Many students are currently in crisis mode, facing a cell phone ban. No Tik, no Tok, what a shock.

Some parents object to these bans on security grounds. Who wouldn't want a cell phone if a school shooter were roaming your halls? What if there is a crisis at home? But if parents and taxpayers are going to plow in a boatload of money for 12 years of education, and cell phones make kids dumber, what should the trade-off be? Do we condemn kids to ignorance? Or should the exception prove the rule: Focus is essential to learning.

Besides, someone asked a priest friend at what age their kids should have cell phones. He said, It depends on what age you want them to start getting into pornography. Ouch.

So locking up that cell phone isn't just for those occasional visits to high-security buildings in Washington. It is part of the school day now. Implementing the state-wide ban, one school in Alabama has what I consider conclusive proof that it works.

In Gadsden High School, the principal summed it up simply, "I can even see now that walking into the lunch room it's louder because they're not on their phones... they're actually having conversations." Oh my, conversations, loudness. The next thing you know, the boys will have enough time on their hands to engage in fisticuffs. What will the Marquess of Queensberry say?

No, everything old will not be new again, but maybe attention spans will expand from, say, the size of a gnat to that of a mosquito.

Of course, there will be those smart alecks who can't use their phones to fact-check their teachers. Everything is a trade-off. But a recent conversation I overheard between two high school meatballs kind of sums up the many tech challenges teachers already face:

Boy 1: "I don't know about taking that course next semester. It might be hard."

Boy 2: "Don't worry, I took it. The tests are OK, and AI can give you most of your papers."

It is almost enough to bring tears to a raggedy old blue book exam. Ah, the dumbness of AI. But that is a subject for another day. Class dismissed.

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