Ed Driscoll

Give 'Til It Hurts

The Washington Times reports, “The Republican National Committee, hit by a grass-roots donors’ rebellion over President Bush’s immigration policy, has fired all 65 of its telephone solicitors“.

Obviously the RNC will be restarting its telemarketing bank with a fresh new approach. And fortunately, the mighty IowaHawk’s well-placed and entirely fictitious and satirical sources have tracked down–the latest GOP telemarketing fundraiser script, attuned to the reality that the base is somewhat uncomfortable with its current anything-goes immigration stance:

7. Now that you know the facts, would you like to reconsider giving a donation?

If “yes,” return to 1a; if “no,” go to 8

8. Two words: Nancy Pelosi. You at least have to admit we’re somewhat better than Nancy Pelosi.

Read the whole thing, which includes preemptive scripting advice for the increasingly likely possibility that the listener might suggest that the telemarketer perform a crude anatomical impossibility on himself. (Because a good telemarketing script prepares the caller for everything.)