There are times when the news out of Washington reminds me of ice fishing in Wisconsin. Everyone swears something just hit the line, even though nobody’s pulled a fish up all day, and the only real action comes from the guy spilling his coffee, swearing at the Packers.
A new week is starting, which means Washington's rumor mill needs fresh meat. Right on schedule, another Trump Cabinet secretary gets tossed onto the speculative grill.
Monday belongs to DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, allegedly dangling over the edge thanks to whispers from a familiar chorus of unnamed insiders.
It's a never-changing script; the only thing that changes is the nameplate on the door.
The newest culling news comes courtesy of the Independent Sentinel, which rounds up chatter claiming Noem's days are numbered, sourced to no less than 17 unnamed insiders.
Seventeen.
No documents, sworn testimony, or sworn testimony — just 17 people who know a guy who heard a thing from their cousin.
In modern political journalism, that qualifies as a blockbuster.
If seventeen feels inflated, that's because inflation drives rumor credibility in Washington. One anonymous source feels thin, five feels concerning, and seventeen sound authoritative, even when every one of them hides behind the same fog. It's how the left frames its optics: Stack the deck with enough shadows and call it reporting.
This time, Noem faces internal friction, personality clashes, and tension with other administration figures, which sounds dramatic until context enters the room. Every Cabinet secretary clashes with someone; the DHS sits at the epicenter of border enforcement, deportations, and national security. Friction comes with the job; silence would be more concerning.
The White House wasted little time swatting the rumor aside. Officials flatly denied that Noem faces removal and labeled the reporting fake news.
As if it were expected, that denial led to more speculation, because denial never satisfies a press corps addicted to the phrase "sources say." Confirmation kills suspense, and rumors need oxygen, something Trump provides by merely existing.
This is the game the left has played since 2016: Walls closing in, ax about to fall, Cabinet chaos imminent ...repeat until boredom sets in, then start all over again.
Rex Tillerson, Jeff Sessions, Mike Pompeo, John Kelly, Bill Barr, Mark Esper, Nikki Haley, and Betsy DeVos each received multiple "on thin ice" cycles. Although some eventually left, many stayed longer than the rumor writers predicted. The prediction always mattered less than the narrative.
Noem's case adds a soap opera garnish: personal gossip, advisor drama, and West Wing intrigue, the usual distractions designed to pull attention away from policy. Under Trump, DHS aggressively enforced border controls, with encounters dropping sharply as releases into the interior dried up.
That's good news to us, but it really frustrates critics far more than the alleged personality clash, shifting the focus. But if the results fail to indict, character rumors might.
Anonymous insiders become the blunt instrument of choice.
American columnist and former Chicago Tribune editorial board member John Kass used to skewer Chicago politics by pointing out that the loudest whispers usually came from people hiding their own fingerprints. Washington operates the same way, only with better lighting and worse honesty.
Seventeen "honest" insiders don't equal seventeen facts. They equal seventeen people, reportedly, unwilling to stand behind their words.
What's funny is the part that comes next. Even if Trump fires Noem tomorrow, the prediction still counts as a win for rumor merchants. If she stays, the story simply fades, never corrected or revisited.
Heads, they win; tails, the audience forgets.
On paper, Trump and the people around him will always find themselves inside rooms with walls closing in, because every Monday demands a fresh hole drilled in the ice, a new pop-up flag watched obsessively, and another unnamed source insisting something just moved. Governing never holds attention for long, but gossip keeps everyone warm enough to stay out there pretending to know when the bite is coming.
Kristi Noem will either keep her job or she won't, and when the day ends, the bucket will still sit empty. The real, ongoing story never involved 17 insiders at all; it involves a media clown class convinced that if it stares into the hole long enough and repeats the claim often enough, the lake will eventually give up a fish that was never there.
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