With the passage of his signature health control legislation, President Obama has unprecedented momentum to restructure American society as he wishes — which means completely. It takes a long time to put together legislation to control three hundred million people, and the time to continue is right now:
President Obama and the congressional leadership have now learned that, if you have enough chutzpah, anything is possible in American politics and there’s little to nothing that Republicans can do about it.
Conservative vitriol and racism won’t work, and lots of pork — practically an infinite amount — remains available to bring about change. Bribing people with what they foolishly consider their own money is great and should be effective for the foreseeable future. Even Russia, a former enemy, thinks the United States under President Obama is great; we can’t quarrel with Putin! Let’s do it all immediately! That’s the plan. Next year may be too late.
The American military is no longer compatible with our changing society, and the concept of civilian control of the military has become risible. Military officers lecture our beloved commander in chief daily on strategy and even tactics, although he is obviously far more intelligent and perceptive than they are. Enlightened notions of political correctness, uniformity, and equality have failed to permeate the military, rendering it ill-prepared to deal with our postmodern society. The vast gulf between the military and civilian sectors makes military understanding of the civilian mind impossible, and there is no way for civilians to comprehend the military mind (the draft is no longer with us).
To deal with this pre-Obama societal condition, grossly damaging everyone but not President Obama’s fault, all members of the military must be fully integrated into civilian society and enabled to experience the same pains and pleasures as civilians.
Immediate steps are needed to resolve this crisis, not only to enhance military readiness but also to promote the general welfare, social justice, economic equality, and a recognition that Islamic jihad is as American as apple pie. Termination of the failed special relationship with Britain must also be taken into account; but what the heck, we now have Russia as a special friend.
It is a venal sin to waste such a crisis. The world is watching expectantly, and America must serve as a far better example than ever before. Even as we cross the Rubicon with truly comprehensive reform — accurately described with characteristic aplomb by Vice President Biden as “a big f***ing deal” — there remain misdeeds of former administrations and President Obama will need many terms in office to finish the job of apologizing for them. Clearly, he should follow the example of Hugo Chávez, who has done so much to integrate Venezuelan society. With the help of such forward thinking leaders as Chávez, William Ayers, and the late lamented Saul Alinsky, we must and therefore shall overcome.
The monumental task of restoring American prestige, humanity, humility, and exceptionalism continues to confront us. This is no less important than warding off the imminent climate change Armageddon, and President Obama’s fantastic health care victory shows that he has more than enough popular support, increasing daily, to do it. Given this momentum, we must move on! More Great Leaps Forward are needed. This is a matter of national security as well as national prestige. American exceptionalism is at stake.
This manifesto sets forth the bare minimum changes we must make and in which we must not only believe but, as Tinkerbell said, clap our hands to be successful; through faith in President Obama we shall overcome. And it won’t cost even a penny. The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office has stated (tentatively) that these changes will enhance revenue by more than five thousand dollars and reduce the deficit by at least double that amount over the next century. Unlike numbers with dozens of zeroes, even the least of us can easily comprehend them.
1. Card check legislation, modified to apply equally to the military and civilian workforces, must be enacted promptly.
2. In the interim, all members of the military must be encouraged to join the union(s) of their choice, without let or hindrance; union and community organizers must be given free access to all military installations and to all military personnel, at home and abroad, and encouraged to organize them. It is shameful to deny our heroic protectors the unquestionable benefits of union membership.
3. Members of the military must receive the same entitlements, including medical care, as do civilians — no more and no less.
4. Discrimination against all of the various sexes in military accommodations and duties must be banished. This has been highly successful in college dormitories, as proved by the great leaps forward in academic scholarship, now better and greater than ever before; this allowed us finally to elect our Glorious Leader. However, this is only a beginning. All housing now made available to the military — as well as commissaries, post exchanges, medical facilities, and other similar benefits — must be equally available to civilians, no matter what sex, race, religion, or creed and no matter whether at home or abroad. This will rapidly promote the integration of the military into civilian society and dramatically improve the standing of the United States abroad.
5. All military personnel must be trained to make peace, not war. Killing people and breaking things are not only old-fashioned, barbaric, and unacceptable, they have repeatedly been shown to be ineffective in winning the hearts and minds of those whom we mistakenly consider enemies. We waste many billions of dollars on their unseemly eradication yet we now have more enemies than at any time in history.
6. To this end, military training must cease to be conducted by ignorant, ill-educated, and otherwise beastly “drill instructors” who degrade and dehumanize their victims. Instead, all training must be taken over by civilians — college graduates with at least BA degrees in education. Strong supporters of their unions, they know very well how to teach and their successes in improving public education in the U.S. have been remarkable. Knowing how to teach is far more important than knowing what quaint military traditions and procedures to teach.
7. Uniforms must be prohibited and all members of the military must be encouraged to express their unique personalities, as they emerge from the darkness, by wearing whatever clothing, if any, they wish. To do otherwise abrogates the sacred right of free speech and thus diminishes us all. Soldiers who are not afforded the same rights as civilians can not serve us well.
8. All archaic military offenses (AWOL, desertion, etc.) must be stricken from the Uniform Code of Military (In)Justice and all military personnel previously subject to trial by courts martial must have the same rights, in civilian courts, as do civilians. That’s good enough for (alleged) terrorists, so it is obviously good enough for our (alleged) troops.
9. The military caste system must be eliminated. There can no longer be officers and enlisted personnel. Leaders must be chosen through free and transparent elections, under union supervision, and all members of the military must be addressed as “comrade.”
10. All members of the military must receive the same pay and allowances and must be given any still available (see point 4 above) housing and other accommodations by lottery. For obvious reasons, no parallel changes should be made for our elected leaders, cabinet members, czars, and other civilian employees of the federal government.
11. All remaining clubs and other facilities must be made freely available to all members of the military and, as noted in Point 4, everyone else. All vestiges of the archaic prohibitions against fraternization must be abolished.
12. All other distinctions between members of the military and civilians must also be eliminated.
There are doubtless some pitiful relics of the past, many of them “lifers,” who will find some or all of these mandates undesirable. Tough. President Obama won, they lost, and this is a brave new world. They simply have to get over it. The answer is blowing in the wind, and they could help us all by at least humming a few bars of that inspiring song; a few flowers in their remaining hair wouldn’t hurt either.
A referendum must be held immediately in which all active duty and reserve military personnel are required to vote on this mandate. Those who misguidedly fail to support it must be discharged and remanded to civilian society where, it is to be hoped, they will learn the many errors of their unprogressive ways. Following a period of successful social reeducation, those who wish to return to a vastly improved military organization might be considered for reenlistment. If there are not enough of them, former ACORN employees will be available and will bring their much needed perceptions and experiences to the military community.
The twelve simple points noted above are merely a start on a long march toward social and economic equality, humanity, humility, justice, and American exceptionalism. Commander in Chief Obama — a leader greater than Generals Washington and Grant combined, and famous for his superior intellect — must take this mandate to heart and implement it vigorously as his immediate priority. This is a monumental and historic undertaking but only a start. We must support our Glorious Leader because even He can’t do it alone!
Join the conversation as a VIP Member