Sorry, ladies, but this one doesn’t apply to you — although you’re welcome to read it.
All right, men, let’s have some real talk. There are a ton of conversations these days about mental health and the toll it takes on individuals and on society as a whole. As guys, we tend to not realize that so many of our mental health issues stem from trying to do things on our own without a network of support, accountability, and encouragement around us.
There unequivocally is a crisis of male friendship in our society these days. Take a look at these stats:
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The Survey Center on American Life reports in a 2021 study that friendship is declining among all Americans, pointing out specifically that less than half of men are satisfied with the number of friends they have.
Although I couldn’t find any specific statistics about friendships among Christian men, it’s crucial that we guys have friends we can call on, not just when we need something, but also to have regular interaction outside our work and family circles. Sadly, too many of us Christian men don’t have those types of friendships.
Related: Sunday Thoughts: There Are No ‘Lone Wolves’ in the Body of Christ
“Friendship is truly one of God’s blessings to mankind,” Christianity.com reminds us. “With honest and wholesome friends, we can better endure the hardships of life and rejoice in the wonderful moments. However, we must know how to choose friends and how to be a good friend ourselves.”
The Bible tells us that friendships are vital and necessary for our lives:
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17, ESV)
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24, ESV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, ESV)
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15, ESV)
Last year, I took part in a small group curriculum at church called BetterMan, and its premise is exactly what its name suggests. BetterMan uses scripture and theology to help men become what the Bible calls us to be. The curriculum is priceless — I learned a lot in the group, and I’m looking forward to taking the second level of it next semester — but the friendships I developed through it are even more important to me.
The last two small groups I’ve led have been co-ed but mostly men, and I’ve deepened several long-standing friendships in those groups as well as developed some new friendships. As someone who works from home, even though my family is close in terms of both relationship and proximity, I’ve learned the value of Christian friends who can pour into me and whom I can pour into.
Proverbs tells us that “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (27:17) and that “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (13:20). This is the value of godly friendship. So, men, my challenge to you today is to seek out other Christian men to befriend, whether it’s at church, in a Bible study, or in a small group. You won’t regret what you can give and receive in a godly friendship.
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