Chronicling the ongoing intersectional struggle to liberate women — inclusively defined as the legacy kind and the transgender variety — from the Patriarchy™, one microaggression at a time.
You might not have been aware, but “hijab” can actually be a transitive verb (according to me, as yesterday, with the publication of the first edition of Adventures in the Patriarchy™: Hijabed!).
In that inaugural edition of Hijabed!, which I decided about an hour ago to turn into a full-on mini-series under the Adventures in The Patriarchy™ umbrella after initially intending it as a one-off indictment of New York Governor Kathy Hochul’s performative hijabbing in a desperate pandering to Muslim voters, I failed to properly define the term that I had spontaneously invented.
Mea culpa.
What is it, then, to be “hijabed,” alternatively spelled “hijabbed”?
What does the experience entail for the object of the hijabbing, the Western woman?
In physical terms, the woman — either of the legacy fronthole variety or the trendier New Age trans kind of woman that has a penis — can be said to have been transitively “hijabed” when a man in a position godly authority lent to him by Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) places the ornamental hood over her head, signifying her submission to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) and evidencing the Islamification of her soul.
Related: North Carolina Senate GOP Nominee Sports Taliban-Style Niqab, ‘Down With ISIS’
However, beyond the physical act of the hood-fitting, hijabbing can also reference a psychological process: the Third World colonization — a conquering, one might even say — of the modern Western feminist’s mind via the intoxicating, exotic allure of Islamism, and ideology sold to her, no matter how absurd the pitch might appear to rational people, as some form of personal empowerment, enlightenment, or even liberation.
Even as she ostensibly abandons all of her professed deep-seated, profound beliefs in women’s liberation by subjugating herself to a 7th-century ideology invented by an illiterate warlord who personally beheaded hundreds of people as he raped and killed his way across the Arabian Peninsula, the Western feminist somehow believes herself to have been liberated, or enlightened, or empowered!
Such is the perverted labyrinth that is the feminist mind, and such is what it means to be “hijabed.”
Related: MSNBC News Actor, Race Scholar ‘Confront the First Amendment’s Dark History’
Woman hears Islamic call to prayer, feels called to Allah
Given this understanding of the fundamental nature of the transitive act of hijabing — that it need not necessarily involve any garments whatsoever placed upon a woman’s head in three-dimensional time and space, but can occur entirely within the confines of her delusional psyche — we have this excellent example of the psychological version of hijabbing, wherein a Western woman, probably on psychotropic drugs because a huge percentage of them are, hears the Islamic call to prayer broadcast in public and films herself musing about whether it’s a sign from Allah to convert.
In this manner, she has already been hijabbed spiritually, very likely soon to be followed by the physical hijabbing as she goes under the hood and into permanent submission.
Woman hears Islamic call to prayer, turns on TikTok, makes SSRI faces into camera with caption overlaid: "Is this my sign to convert?" pic.twitter.com/Cpc2SI58cC
— Benjamin Bartee (@BenBartee) August 3, 2026
