I Blame Women
I was so delighted to have my blog return to Pajamas Media that I really wanted to start off by writing about something important, an issue that really makes a difference in people's lives, or an idea that perhaps you hadn't thought of before, that might change the way you look at things. But then I realized: I haven't made any jokes about Congressman Anthony Weiner's penis yet. So here we go.
As everyone knows by now, Weiner allegedly tweeted a photo of his erect Democrat to a young woman and then allegedly lied about it while yelling at (and even calling the cops on) reporters who were trying to get at the truth. For purposes of this paragraph, the word "allegedly" means "obviously."
Of course, being a professional writer, I would consider it beneath my dignity to make some sort of coarse remarks about all this in which the congressman's name is used as slang for male genitalia or the word "tweet" is used as what we professional writers call a "slant rhyme" for female genitalia. Instead, I wanted to take a serious look at this situation and get at the reasons men such as Weiner behave in this grotesque way.
I blame women. No, really. Women -- by which I mean each and every single member of the female gender -- you know who you are -- need look no further than themselves to explain why Weiner-types behave toward them in this fashion. We men are always hearing complaints from women about how badly we treat them, what pigs we are, how pushy and abrasive... on and on. But what these same women conveniently fail to mention is that this stuff really works on them!
Charles C. Johnson writing about Weiner's johnson at Big Government reports that the media has long described Weiner as “a lean, mean dating machine,” who has “a bevy of babes surrounding him,” wherever he goes. In other words, this guy has been cleaning up in the romantic department. Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't seem to have any trouble getting dates either. Neither did alleged serial rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn of the IMF. Chicks dig these creeps!
So, then, ladies -- what do you expect? All we guys want is for you to love us. If this is the sort of guy you follow after in droves, this is the sort of guy we’re encouraged to be. And I have to admit: I don't get it. I look at Weiner and I see a rude, arrogant, entitled and clearly dishonest little piece of Democrat thoroughly convinced of his wholly non-existent superiority. Physically, he’s a dead ringer for a turtle that’s been pulled out of its shell. And as for his manners… did I mention he takes pictures of his absurdly eponymous package and sends them to women on Twitter!
And that’s the sort of stuff that wins you over, ladies? Well, if it is, expect to see a lot more of it. It’s Darwin 101: men evolve to attract the opposite sex. By natural law, women get what they want from men... it hardly seems fair for them to complain about it when it turns up in their inbox.
So women, here’s some free advice. Stop dating creeps. It only encourages them. The day Weiner can’t find a warm twit to tweet his weiner to is the day you twits find tweeter weiners to tweet your twits. I think you all know what I mean.