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The Ongoing Occupation of America

September 29th, 2011 - 11:25 am

Remember the whole “Day of Rage” thing a couple weeks ago, in which the American populace would rise up and “occupy” Wall Street and various other financial centers around the country until the people’s revolution triumphed?

Well, we made fun of it back then as “Day of FAIL” when the whole thing seemed to fizzle — but now the joke’s on us! Because it turns out the revolution is still in the process of happening, and when the first “occupations” didn’t work out so well, the protesters reserved the right to try and try again until America is properly occupied.

Not only did the revolutionaries not skulk away in humiliation after the first flop, they’ve doubled, tripled and quadrupled down with an ongoing series of new occupations from coast to coast. The new motto of the movement is: “No, we mean it — this time it’s for real!

Occupations have been taking place every day since the original “Day of Rage” on September 17, and more occupations are scheduled practically every day for the foreseeable future. There’s a new one happening in San Francisco later this afternoon; and there’s another one in L.A. planned for two days from now; and probably one in your neighborhood too, whether you realize it or not.


Of the 37 world-changing revolutions that have happened in San Francisco over the last two weeks, I visited only one, last Saturday in Union Square, just to keep tabs on how the future government is shaping up. The first order of business was to display a big map showing some of the “Major City Occupation Movements Across the United States.” In case you haven’t noticed, the following cities have been occupied by the revolutionaries: San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, Chicago, Phoenix, Cleveland, Atlanta, Kansas City, Dallas, Orlando and Miami.


The revolutionaries seized the symbolic heart of the city, Union Square. Witness history! That’s them in the distance, somewhere. San Francisco: Consider yourself occupied!


Once the territory was successfully seized, everyone gathered in an egalitarian circle and the reluctant not-really-a-leader leader-type guy said we all needed to break up into “committees” to address the many tasks of revolution.


I considered joining this committee, but a different guy was acting all patriarchal and taking charge and stuff, and that pissed me off, so I went in search of something more appropriately leaderless.


I considered joining the more free-form “Supply Division and Personell” committee, but I suddenly started itching all over and thought better of it.


This committee was too intellectual, with people making all sorts of important points and engaging in healthy self-criticism. I get enough criticism from the real world already!


“As you can see by this balloon thing I’m wearing on my head, I’m making a serious point here!”


No decent revolution worthy of the name can survive without a designated live-blogger. Every passing moment must be immortalized!


Who are we in solidarity with? “The global movement of the people,” of course.


And what should we end? “Corporate Clownery,” as if we needed reminding.


Oh, yeah, and also “Corporate Personhood,” too. Forgot about that. It’s our “one single demand” and we won’t leave until it is met!


Could this be due to the fact that most corporations are inactive and make no profit and are little more than some dude who filed the $75 registration fee in Delaware for an idea that never got off the ground?


“Capitalism is Over — if you want it.” But how can I start a revolution without my Vibram FiveFingers shoes for the low low price of $99.95?


And always remember: “If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.

To which I might add: If you still haven’t noticed that America is being occupied by swarms of anti-capitalist revolutionaries, you are really not paying attention!

Notice us!

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