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San Francisco mandates “Sad Meals” at fast-food restaurants

September 27th, 2010 - 12:59 pm

In a drive to discourage unhealthy dietary choices, San Francisco today banned “Happy Meals” at McDonald’s restaurants. Instead, all fast-food outlets will now be required to serve “Sad Meals” as a way to make tasty food unappealing to kids.

The new regulation outlaws giving away cheerful plastic toys with each Happy Meal, as well as any similar enticing promotion at other fast-food franchises. In their place, restaurants must now include items which make children feel bad or ashamed.

The vote to replace “Happy Meals” with “Sad Meals” in the city was unanimous, with the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voting 9-0 on the legislation, officially entitled the “Eat and DIE! Amendment.”

“It should be the responsibility of the industry to promote healthy choices,” said Supervisor Nan E. Stait, chief sponsor of the legislation. “If we can ensure that kids feel really awful when they eat food they crave, we can slowly wean them off high-fat and high-sodium diets.”

Starting on January 1, 2011, all nationally franchised restaurants doing business in San Francisco will be required to include creepy, insulting and/or humiliating promotional toys with any meal that fails to meet the city’s exacting nutritional guidelines.

The “Sinister Clown” wind-up toy

Restaurants will have several options from which to choose, with various designs unveiled during today’s San Francisco Board of Supervisors meeting:

  • Circular metallic stickers featuring a frowny-face and the words “I’m a fatso!” or “Lard-butt.” Parents will be required to affix the stickers to their children’s foreheads during meals eaten in public.
  • Wind-up toys which speak any of ten different phrases, including “You’re morbidly obese!”, “Sure, keep stuffing your fat little face,” and “You make me sick, you disgusting pig!” Children can choose either the Sinister Clown, Nagging Granny, or Scary Bully designs.
  • Miniature flipbooks featuring full-color photos of actual surgical procedures taken during heart bypass operations and liposuction sessions.
  • A new line of collectible figurines called Chubbies, with names such as Friendless Fritz, Diabetic Debbie, and Acne Ashly.

“We will roll out additional promotional designs over the upcoming months,” said Reg U. Latory-Ovareech, spokesman for the Board of Supervisors. “The worse we make these kids feel now, the better off they’ll be in the long run.”

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