California is considering banning black cars.
Unbelievable. There’s LOTS of other colors for you to choose, but you have to get all bent out of shape that you can’t have JUST ONE. We’re thinking of outlawing red, too, but still you’ll have lots of OTHER COLORS.
You probably are upset about how we have a camera in one room of your house, even though you get the ENTIRE REST OF THE HOUSE to yourself.
Sorry, but this kind of libertarian extremism gets me bent out of shape here at my gummint desk job.
Dammit, wasn’t supposed to tell you about the camera.
CARB is racist!
I, for one, applaud the move. This is exactly the sort of BS we need to really get the backlash in high gear.
Gino Vannelli won’t be happy at all.
Yeah, but will they ban those black helicopters?
They don’t care what color your car is, they care that you didn’t think to ask them for permission. The goal here is not to regulate cars, its to regulate you.
I’d like to ban California!
So California is swirling ’round the Porcelin Budget Bowl, and they want to control car color?
Hey, Ah-nold: you barely have a pot to piss in. Why don’t you lay off the clowns that come up with these ideas. You need to iron out the budget wrinkles first.
Had this been a plot point in an episode of Knight Rider, it would have been rejected by the audience as too stupid.
Did April Fool’s Day come early this year?? What will California expect of us next? Banning us from wearing black? Afterall, wearing black when it’s sunny out makes us all hot and seeking places where the ac is on.
Did April Fool’s Day come early this year??
It’s like a Yakov Smirnoff routine: “In California, every day is April Fool’s Day!”
HENRY FORD: The customer can have any color he wants, so long as it’s black.
CALIFORNIA: Henry Ford was an evil capitalist. We’ll show him…
Seriously, California used to set de facto standards because they were the largest market, but the state is bankrupt and everybody with money is fleeing. Wouldn’t surprise me if manufacturers just stopped selling stuff there.
Let ‘em ride bikes.
Environmentalism will be the death of American freedom.
dorkafork, “Had this been a plot point in an episode of Knight Rider, it would have been rejected by the audience as too stupid.”
just to up the ante, if this had been a plot point in an episode of Manimal, it would have been rejected by the audience as too stupid.
Any other bad tv shows this would be too stupid for?
If it were in the Simpsons it would be rejected as insulting their intelligence.
I mean, sure Homer can own the Denver Broncos after helping Hank Scorpio take over the east coast, but this is just ridiculous.
Physics is not their strong suit, obviously.
A thought occurs – Doesnt black absorb infrared and as such lowers the temperature of the surrounding air versus white which reflects infrared and would naturally cause the air around the car to grow warmer?
Having it be hot inside the car (because you foolishly bought a black car you philistine!) can cause you to use more energy and thus “heat the world”, but if the car itself, sitting in the sun creates even more hot atmosphere, well, we just cant have that now can we?
A simple test in a mall parking lot should give us the data we need to prove this.
Oh look! Ive just figured out a way to justify the construction of mandatory covered parking for everyone! Covered parking? – the hell with that, cover all the streets too! My god, in our foolishness, we made streets out of petroleum based, non-environmentally friendly black asphalt! We should make all streets and freeways into tunnels with organic sod covered green space on their tops. Wouldnt that be lovely! With bike trails and parks for the kids to play in, who could say no to that!
(Wow, this pseudo-scientific environmental crap can come in really handy when you want to force your costly irrational “I saw it in an issue of Mother Earth News” agenda on other people. )
Aha! So, we will make all dark colors unavailable to you! Thank you for the tip!
You’ll still have all light colors available, which is a spectrum of practically infinite variety, so it will be completely unreasonable for you to complain, especially since global warming might come back again someday!
Oh, what a wonderful business opportunity:
Buy some cheap desert acreage in Arizona, Nevada, Utah, etc… anywhere where there is plenty of sunlight and the land is undeveloped and, shall we say, er, dirt cheap? Cover the ground of your property with mirrors, just standing there, shiny side up. What for? Just hang on for a minute, we are getting to it:
Any optical engineer worth his dime will tell you that each square foot of mirror sends back to space more than any square foot of the top surface of a white car. (this bright theory falls apart if you park your white car in the shade, but a responsible citizen would not do this, would he?)
Let’s see… The top of a typical car is about 50 square feet, in round numbers. 20 percent of that is 10 square feet. Marketing policy? Just scan through the California DMV public records to offer all the owners of black cars in California a good deal on your 10 square feet mirror rental service.
Pricing policy? No sweat! (Whoops…): Adjust the annual rental fee just a bit under the fee the owners of black cars would have to pay for the right to keep their cars painted in black. The car owner signs a photonic power of attorney by which he delegates his civic duty to return 20% of the solar photons impinging on his automobile back to space, and bingo! everything is back in order.
Black, Blue, Red, white, Green, everything, and the more onerous the fee for the privilege of driving a black car, the more prosperous the solar reflection industry!
Business development? Simple: Use the airwaves to paraise the supreme wisdom of the California department of optical responsibility, so the other states soon follow the luminous legislative momentum, and bingo, your market expands in just a few years!
Financing and promotion? Al Gore will be so happy to assume both financial and promotional responsibilities, and presto! You have a guy who can read a power point presentation with a baritone voice and a Nobel prize to boot! He can explain convincingly that optical shame is fungible, so a mirror in Utah can provide optical responsibility for a black SUV in Connecticut!
Oh, what a deal! How come we did not think of it earlier?
Is this truly a surprise to anyone? California has been reductio ad absurdum for some time now…
Prof.Guvinoff: if I were you, I’d make those mirrors parabolic and aimed them at Sacramento… even better, you can plant Larry Niven’s Slaver Sunflowers!
Professor Guvinoff, you forget the mating habits of the Desert Rock Condor, which require a lot of swooping and wheeling over vast areas of the southwestern deserts. Fried specimens could be a problem. Then there are airline flight paths.
However, a photonic fee on ALL taxpayers, regardless of car color or even car ownership, can subsidize the erection of 35,000-foot poles to keep these plates in the sky, placed at sufficiently wide intervals so condors or planes won’t smack into them. And don’t say it’s too difficult or expensive. We can’t afford NOT to do this.
Albedo offset credits. I like it.
They would do a lot more good if they just painted the roads white. No matter what you think of global warmening, the heat sink effect is real. If we’re going to pretend that the government can control the weather, we might at least do something that would make our cities a little more bearable in the summer.
Peter Jackson (28)
Hey, the yellow brick road came very close to your proposal.
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