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VodkaPundit

SOTU Drunkblogging – LIVE!

January 31st, 2006 - 7:00 pm

6:52pm Maybe not actually drunk, but I am working on a nicely icy gin martini with my patented “confetti twist” of lemon. Sipping and waiting.

And – oh, yeah – all times Mountain.

6:53pm Cindy Sheehan has been arrested. Expect cries of “fascism!” before her cell door is all the way closed.

7:01pm Laura Bush is wearing a lovely purple pants suit.

7:04pm Condi is wearing purple, too. How embarrassing.

7:09pm Can’t remember the last time Bush was late to a speech. Maybe he’s thinking, “It worked for Clinton.

7:10pm The President looks good, but with an odd purple aura you can see right on the screen. Possibly it’s time to replace my $60 Orion off-off-brand Emergency Backup Office Television.

Scratch those comments about Laura’s and Condi’s outfits.

7:11pm Is that Nancy Pelosi standing behind Bush?

7:13pm Dick Cheney and Dennis Hastert seem so lifelike.

7:14pm Starting out with props to Coretta Scott King is a nice touch. And as I’ve said before about this guy and race: I think he means it.

7:16pm “Even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone.” Where is he taking this?

7:17pm OK, Bush is setting this up like he’s going to make big proposals. Now, I didn’t “cheat” and read the pre-released speech, but that’s not what I was expecting.

7:18pm America will “continue to lead” in free trade and free elections. I wish he’d just stop right there and walk out of the room.

7:19pm All the talk about elections is fine – but will he mention Palestine?

7:20pm “No one can deny the success of freedom.” Will someone please tell him just to stop while he’s ahead. It’d make a fine speech right there.

7:21pm It’s all fine and good for Bush to remind us of the evils of terrorists, but the All But Required PC Boilerplate gets tiresome.

7:23pm “We will never surrender to evil.” Perfect applause line. But I can’t shake the feeling that that sort of talk is becoming boilerplate, too. It’s been four years since the last big attack, and it seems we’re getting complacent.

7:24pm “Our work is Iraq is difficult, because our enemy is brutal.” And also because it’s tough to keep up moral with Nancy Pelosi in the room. Just sayin’.

7:25pm “The road to victory is the road our troops will take home.” Nice, but the next statement was pure BS. Bush claimed the military would make the battlefield calls, but in 2004 Bush himself called off First Fallujah for political reasons – disastrously. Let’s hope he’s learned his lesson.

7:27pm “…Stand behind the American military in this vital mission.” Somewhere in LA, Joel Stein’s nose started to spontaneously bleed.

7:28pm “I know what honor is.” When the President – or anybody else – reads these things, there’s no need for comments. And certainly not any smartass ones. So I’ll shut up for a minute.

7:31pm “Elections are vital, but they’re only the beginning.” Has Bush been reading InstaPundit?

7:32pm Bush just used “Iran” and “regime” and “must come to an end” in the same sentence. Hoo-boy.

7:34pm “Our nation hopes one day to be the closest of friends with a democratic Iran.” Has Bush been reading VodkaPundit?

7:35pm Bush is using his HIV/AIDS aid programs to segue into the Laundry List Portion of the evening. Here’s where things get boring, as the President tells us exactly how he and Congress have wasted out money in the last twelve months.

This would be an excellent time to pour another martini.

7:36pm My bad. Bush used his last comment as a way to segue into asking Congress to reauthorize the PATRIOT ACT (speaking of government laundry lists).

I think I’ll make mine a double.

7:37pm “We will not sit back and wait to be hit again.” That line cost the Dems at least two House races next fall.

7:39pm “Support the men and women who defend us and lead the world to freedom.” Somewhere in LA, Joel Stein’s other nostril started to bleed.

7:40pm Here’s where we fall into the Danger Zone. Talking about our free economy, and how wonderful it is, Bush is about to propose all sorts of new government programs. Sigh.

7:41pm “Americans should not fear our economic future, because we intend to shape it.” Who is this “we?”

7:43pm “Make the tax cuts permanent.” Fine! Please! And let’s cut some spending, too, shall we?

7:44pm Bush is bragging about having made teensy cuts in the very smallest bits of Federal Budget. Shameful.

7:45pm “Earmark reform” might be the most beautiful pair of words you’ll hear all night. Bush wants a line-item veto

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