Movie Talk/Late Night Ramble
NOTICE: This Ramble will be ramble-y-er than usual. Bruised a bunch of ribs camping the weekend before last in an A.R.I.* Endured the pain for a week, then finally visited a doctor today. I’ve got just enough Vicodin to let me sleep the next ten nights. You’ve been warned.
A couple times each week, I visit Apple’s movie trailer site – and I watch all the news ones. I watch the trailers for movies I’ve already seen, for movies I’ve never heard of, and even the trailers for movies I know I wouldn’t watch for free on network television. I just like movie trailers.
The trailer for “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo” had been up for a couple days, but I just couldn’t bring myself to click on the link. Rob Schneider is not now nor has he ever been funny. It’s not that I don’t enjoy lowbrow stuff – far from it. Give me a couple beers and some Three Stooges, and I’m a happy man.
But Farrelly Brothers-style comedy just isn’t funny. There’s enough humor in the human condition as is, that I find it impossible to laugh with (or even at) characters who don’t behave like real human beings, responding to impossible situations.
Case in point: “There’s Something About Mary.” The hair gel scene is empircally not funny. Semen doesn’t just hang there, and women don’t grab random blobs of “is that hair gel?” off of people’s ears, then apply to their own hair without so much as a mirror. You want funny? Watch Bill Murray’s flower-golfing scene in “Caddyshack.”
But back to Deuce Bigalow’s European Vacation or Whatever.
Finally, I succumbed to my Watch All the Trailers Rule, and loaded it up. There wasn’t so much as a grin to be had. Halfway into the trailer, for reasons I don’t understand, a fat American woman in a bad dress is shown speaking practically to the camera. She says “Give thanks to America for bringing freedom to Iraq” or words to that effect.
And then a brick flies in from off camera and hits her in the face.
I know Hollywood doesn’t approve of the Iraq campaign. I don’t expect serious debate in a Rob Schneider movie – and if there was some, I’d hold it in contempt. But just what the hell is going on here? Making a political statement with a thrown brick? That’s supposed to be funny? That’s supposed to have a point?
That’s in a Rob Schneider movie?
What the hell?
I know the audience for these films – young folks without enough real-world experience to appreciate just how funny real-world behavior can be. I know, because I used to be one of them. We all were once: It’s called “youth.”
So it’s come to this: Hollywood now feels the need to propagandize – with a brick! – in a summer teen flick. Or maybe “need” is giving too much credit. Maybe “audacity” is a better word for it. Whatever the case, at least we know where they stand.
Me, I’m not standing anywhere. I’m sitting in front of the laptop computer – having earlier tonight attacked my desktop monitor with a brick.
*A.R.I. = Alcohol Related Incident.
Son, as many a cracker has learned every fall in Georgia, Wild Turkey does not bring that tree stand any closer to the ground…
Bruised ribs in an alcohol related incident? Ah yes – back in Seattle they called that a Kazuhiro Sasaki. Playbook says you claim “injured while carrying luggage.”
(Disclaimer: probably just a filthy rumor)
If I had spent untold dollars on a movie that no sane person would pay to watch, I would consider trying to create a stir. Fuck them for trying and fuck them for making a stupid movie that nobody would watch. Rob Shneider will do anything for money, it has been clear from the start. SNL is possibly the worst show that has ever been broadcast. (Yes, I know COPROCK is worse, but SNL lasted and coprock didn’t.)
My deepest condolences on the Vicodin. I had to take that stuff after dental surgery. The horror.
Teens went to see Deuce Bigelow?
And Hollywood wonders why they are having sagging sales…when you insult over half of your viewing audience, you are going to lose money.
On another rant…Deuce Bigalow deserves a sequel? Who in their fucking mind thought, “We did such a good job with the first one, let’s do it again…”
As to the ARI, my condolences…I have a scar on the back of my head from my latest one…good Lord, you’d think I’d learn by my thirties…guess not…
On another rant…Deuce Bigalow deserves a sequel? Who in their fucking mind thought, “We did such a good job with the first one, let’s do it again…”
It’s cheaper than paying someone for an original idea, they probably have Schneider on some sort of contract, and, most importantly — it’ll rake in the dough overseas.
1. Rob Schneider is definitely NOT funny.
2. There’s Something about Mary is hilarious, but I agree about the “hair gel” scene.
3. I’m not so sure it’s so much about Hollywood trying to push a political agenda as their just being so insulated that they think everyone really agrees with them, election results be damned. And besides, Bush only won because the Christers voted on moral values (i.e., kill gays) and because of Diebold tampering. Don’t you read the news?
4. You mean to say you aren’t abstaining from alcohol for as long as Melissa has to? I’m shocked! (No, I’m not, and my husband isn’t either and I don’t want him to.)
There’s Something about Mary is hilarious…
I guess. Obviously some people thought so. But I bought the DVD and tried three time to watch it. Never got more than about half way through.
The ironic thing to me is that the funniest movies in the recent past have been animated flicks such as The Incredibles. I hear Weddings Crashers is pretty good. If so, it will be the first live-action comedy worth the effort in a long time.
Hey Steve
I agree with you on both counts in your post. Watching trailers on Apple till the wee hours of the morning is one of the many reasons I’m glad I have a computer. And I further agree with the fact that it’s disappointing to find out that support for the war in Iraq has become a negative stereotype. (does that mean that support for the Saddam regime or the terrorists is a positive stereotype?)
By the way, I found this link from Rob Schneider. Watch out, he gets pretty mad when you make fun of his movies.
http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/gossip/rob-schneider/by-request-rob-schneiders-attack-ad-032113.php
I don’t think There’s Something About Mary is going to be nearly as funny on DVD. I saw it in a crowded theater, and laughter really is infectious.
I saw the EuroDeuce trailer before Wedding Crashers (very funny, btw. o/t: where did all the R rated movies go? Even the horror movies are rated PG13 these days) and I had the same reaction. I don’t trust comedy trailers to begin with since almost any movie has at least five or six funny scenes. If the trailer can’t even bother to make me laugh the movie is going to be really bad.
Re: sequels. Some article at Slate mentioned that in all the analysis of movies Hollywood has done they’ve only found one variable that strongly correlates to profits: sequels. They also found that sequels with new titles (Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo) make more money that sequels with numbers in their name (Blade II).
That explains a lot to me. Why else would they make Deuce the Deuce (which, it seems to me, would have been a much funnier title) and The Whole Ten Yards?
OK, just to prove that this isn
I like all types of comedy, from Peter Sellers to Farrelly brothers to Coen brothers, and most things in between. Film is like music; if it’s well done, it’s compelling. Schneider is a great example of a mildly amusing comic actor completely out of his depth (takes a bit more to carry a feature film than it does to stand around a copier making smartarse comments), which could be called the SNL Curse. Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that easily the funniest movie ever is called “Battlefield Earth”. Check it out tonight!
I think you missed the point of the joke. This is Deuce Bigalow: *European* Gigolo. My guess is that in full context, you’ll see the woman being hit by an angry European (French? Italian? Maybe even Arab immigrant?), in which it would not be unsound to see a violent display of that sort in response to their insular views being disagreed with.
That being said, I found nothing funny in that entire preview. Poor form all around.
Did he throw the brick thru the monitor or just bang it on the top?
Is this guy always violent?
Vicodin? Pfft. Get yourself some Ultram. Then you’re cooking with gas.
Trailers are OK I suppose, but its the people who live in parks full of them who are really entertaining…
BLOG: Quick Links 7/27/05
*Gerry Daly has a must-read work of original research on John Roberts’ Supreme Court arguments and the Justices he was able to win over to his side in non-unanimous cases. *I do not find this reassuring. *More bad thoughts on…
Agree with you about the infamous semen scene. What I thought was ridiculous about it (if my memory serves me well) was that Ben didn’t know that it had hit his ear. Huh? Makes it unreal enough to make the next bit unfunny.
Meet the Fockers had a credibility problem in too many scenes too.
And by the way, have you seen War of the Worlds yet? Am curious about your opinion.
Hollywood has a myriad of problems among them are a lack of original ideas or as the Late Gregory Peck said”directors don’t know how to write scripts”.That is true in many ways,but also they make way to many sequals,too many films for teenagers and kids,and the biggest issue I have with the Hippies who have been ruining Hollywood of late is why are they remaking old movies?They are so airheaded and lackluster they have to do movie re-makes?Usually when they do it they ruin a film.An example of this,Steve Martin is talented,but seeing him as inspector Cluseau is not a good idea.I liked the original Pink Panther series.Peter Sellers defined that role and no one can fill his shoes.
Hollywood, In A Nutshell
Steve Green (who gains bonus street cred for his admiration of debonair William Powell), highlights exactly what’s gone wrong with Hollywood, by examining, of all things, the trailer for Rob Schneider’s Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo:The trailer for “D…
a.r.i. is a good one, but when you end up not remembering how you substained said injury, its called a m.a.r.i. a mysterous alchol related injury…
Not good news….broken ribs tend to hurt for 4-6 weeks. Better start rationing that Vicodin….
“Bark like a dog… bark like a dog for me.”
THAT was the best scene in Caddyshack.