Flip Flop to Hip Hop?*
*AKA, “Abandon Hip?”
For a few weeks now, I’ve been collecting advice from pundits to John Kerry and headlining them under “Abandon Ship!” The idea is, guys who appear to be winning don’t get that kind of advice. But this has got to be the strangest one yet – John Tierney in yesterday’s New York Times:
So how can the ever-patrician Mr. Kerry appeal to poor and working-class voters? Russell Simmons, the hip-hop music and fashion mogul, recommends that Mr. Kerry spend more time visiting inner-city neighborhoods, preferably accompanied by rap stars, while still remaining true to his class. Mr. Simmons points to his own success as a marketing consultant to Courvoisier, the cognac with a Thurston Howell image that became a staple of hip-hop culture.
If you hear Kerry use the words “homies,” “bling-bling,” or “chillin’” this week, you’ll know why.
The image of John F’n Kerry “gettin’ down wit” the homeis is an image that is too, too painful to bear. It’s like a poor wounded animal that needs to be put out of our misery.
i would contribute to his campaign just to see that. that’s too funny
3-to-1 it’s “chillin’”.
32-to-1 he mentions his “beeyatch.”
250-to-1 on any mention of “hittin’ da chronic.”
The Bulworth strategy?
Angry black woman: Are you sayin’ the Democratic Party don’t care about the African-American community?
Kerry : Isn’t that OBVIOUS? You got half your kids are out of work and the other half are in jail. Do you see ANY Democrat doing anything about it? Certainly not me! So what’re you gonna do, vote Republican? Come on! Come on, you’re not gonna vote Republican! Let’s call a spade a spade! I mean – come on! You can have a Billion Man March! If you don’t put down that malt liquor and chicken wings, and get behind someone other than a running back who stabs his wife, you’re NEVER gonna get rid of somebody like me!
or…
Reporter: Senator, do you plan to make rap a regular part of your campaign?
Kerry : A part of my campaign? Now that just sounds insane!
this might work…
Kerry : Yo, everybody gonna get sick someday / But nobody knows how they gonna pay / Health care, managed care, HMOs / Ain’t gonna work, no sir, not those / ‘Cause the thing that’s the same in every one of these / Is these motherf-ers there, the insurance companies!
Cheryl and Tanya: Insurance! Insurance!
Kerry : Yeah, yeah / You can call it single-payer or Canadian way / Only socialized medicine will ever save the day! Come on now, lemme hear that dirty word – SOCIALISM!
Yeah, don’t think for a minute that someone at the Times was creative enough to come up with this on their own…
Why all the laughter?
Is the election tomorrow?
What Mr. Simmons suggest is for Kerry to become Bullworth.
This is a strategy that could take Kerry all the way to the White Hizzie.
Wait, isn’t the Courvoisier what “The Ladies Man” drinks?
I’m a blog pimp, and your links are my whores!
No time for the morning breakfast roundup today. My students were pissed! Note to students: it might help if you, er, actually read the textbook. So what is up in the blogosphere? -Bill at INDC on Iraqi WMD. Also, Mary…
Kerry should show up at the first debate this Thursday with a bottle of Couvasier on his lecturn. And say, “youknowwhatI’msayin’” after every comment, repeat he’s “tough” and “won’t take any sheeit”. Oh, yeah. I’d love to see that.
Well, he may already have an illegal AK (we’d know if he did or not if he’d, you know, tell us), so he might as well go full-bore G-Homie.
Keepin’ it Real, Massachussetts style. Boy-ee.
Man. I’d pay to see that.
The doubly funny thing is, he’s in Wisconsin all week.
“Yeah, well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once, forget it!”
Maybe he can take some of the youngsters windsurfing.
‘Kerry should show up at the first debate this Thursday with a bottle of Couvasier on his lecturn. And say, “youknowwhatI’msayin’” after every comment, repeat he’s “tough” and “won’t take any sheeit”. Oh, yeah. I’d love to see that.’
Dat’d be da shiznit, awright.
Don’t forget – TerAYza wants to be our first African-American first ho, uh, lady.
Clinton was our first black president, and Tuh-Race-Uh can be our first black first lady.
Yo
I say he quotes Will Smith..
Gittin’ jiggie…
If he dances, I will be ill…
Word….
The whitest man in America is gonna be chillin wit da hommies.
God bless the Democrats for nominating this guy, he’s an endless source of amusment.
Red Stripe!
Its beer!
Beer!
Criticize the man if you must, but I think it’s beyond debate that the man is big pimpin, that his ho has some serious bling bling, and that he represents.
KnowwhuddI’msayin?
If elected, I think we should refer to him as President Thug.
Of course, I should also pointed out that he represented before he didn’t represent.
Tierney actaully has some brilliant advice here that Kerry would be well advised to listen to.
The other I advice (of equal worth) I have for him is that Kerry is seriously underestimating the pedophile vote. He really should appear at a couple of NAMBLA events, and tell child molesters he “feels their pain” etc.
Hell, he could appear with P. Diddly… there’s a twofer!
I don’t know why Kerry wouldn’t listen to such sound advice as this.
Actually, he probably does. Explains a lot, come to think of it.
(Oh, and get Tereeza out there too…. heh.)
Haven’t we seen this movie already? (And boy did it suck!)
Stephen Green’s “Abandon Ship” update of (usually quite) bad advice being offered by pundits to John Kerry takes a high-larious turn of events….
>3-to-1 it’s “chillin’”.
>32-to-1 he mentions his “beeyatch.”
>250-to-1 on any mention of “hittin’ da chronic.”
500-to-1 if Teresa and “Ho” or “bootie” appear in the same sentence.
1000-to-1 on any mention of “pimp hand” after a member of the Kerry team says something stupid again.
“Anything goes when it comes to hos/
Because legislatin’ ain’t easy.”
Apologies to Easy E.
If I have to improve my image of “Genuinous” then I most likely don’t have it.
Channeling LeMonjel’lo:
‘Yo! Can I get a Courvoisier and Cherry Coke in a pint glass with a cherry?’
(/second city in color)
What can I say. Russell Simmons of Def Jam and creator of Phat Farm is one of the most incredibly left wing people you will ever meet. I do not hesitate to say he is more asian than most asian Americans.
Can he pull it off?
No.
Will he do it?
Of course not.
Of course supposed NeoCons don’t care about minorities in general, let alone blacks.