Last Night with David Letterman
September 23rd, 2004 - 3:44 pm
A classic Top Ten:
Top Ten Ways CBS News Can Improve Its Reputation
10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on, like cookies are delicious.
9. Move nightly “happy hour” to after the broadcast.
8. Stop hiring guys with crazy names like “Morley.”
7. Can’t figure out if a news story is true? Let Judge Joe Brown decide.
6. Every time Mike Wallace tells a lie he gets a life-threatening electrical shock.
5. Newsroom patrolled by some kind of lovable but strict “truth monkey.”
4. If it turns out the story is wrong, give away 276 brand new cars.
3. After delivering a report, correspondent must add, “or maybe not–who knows?”
2. Newscast consists of Dan Rather sitting down to watch Tom Brokaw.
1. Oh, I dunno, stop making up crap?
I saw it- # 1 got a huge laugh.
So how about the latest: MCauliffe used the word “sugarcoat” (refering to Bush’s NG superiors) 9 hours before the CBS broadcast.
Obviously he had access to the contents of the phony documents before the rest of us. So the DNC and CBS effectively conspired together to defeat the president.
This story is not going to go away.
And Letterman is on frickin’ CBS. That’s got to raise the notability quotient of this thing quite a bit.
Almost as Good as Ace
Hah! Letterman redeems himself after that gross Kerry appearance. This one should make the rounds of every blog in the world in about, oh, five minutes. Just thought I’d do my part.
NOW THAT’S COMEDY
Vodkapundit links to this classic Letterman Top 10:Top Ten Ways CBS News Can Improve Its Reputation 10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on, like cookies are delicious. 9. Move nightly “happy hour” to after the broadcast. 8. Stop hiring…
Just me – the sugarcoat story has been rescinded by its author, noting that the CBS report was available on the CBS website before it was broodcast.
This reduces the damning evidence count against CBS to only a few thousand.
Just Me -
Keepin’ the sphere honest. Geherety (sp?) at NRO has retracted the sugarcoat story. His timeline was off.
Gee, he got it wrong, and came right out and said so six hours later. What kinda bizarre behavior is THAT??
Boy, I jumped at that sugarcoat thing too. Too good to be true. RIGHT, Danny?
>>… retracted the sugarcoat story…< OK then. The truth will out. Good show guys.
So now that the story has been proven to be false, lets focus on the accusation within the story.
or we could focus on how the right continually demands more from reporters than from our president. Didn’t hear a whole lot of howling on here when Bush’s evidence for Iraq was proved to be forged.
jp,
Even though the Bush speech that referenced the forged documents referred to their use by British intelligence and their conclusion that Saddam had attempted to buy uranium from Niger. Or the fact that the documentation fooled more than one intelligence agency – while the forged CBS memos didn’t stand up to 24 hours of scrutiny.
Keep on spinning…
Come on now- there was no forgery involved there, just bad intelligence. I would not have used that as my primary reason for giving Sadaam the boot- probably would have made it my second reason.
I believe that free people have a responsibility to help those who are not free. And a thug who takes and then mantains control of a country can make no claim of sovereignty.
Ah yes- I’d forgotten about the Niger docs. I see jp’s point now.
…actually, there was some forgery involved, apparently by someone working for French intelligence.
The story broke in the European media about a week ago. Unsurprisingly, it hasn’t gotten much coverage stateside.
Truth monkey
I don’t know where monkeys come from … I don’t know how they reproduce … I don’t know what they eat. But I do know one thing: they were born to stop bad journalism. Truth Monkey, from the makers of Bathroom Monkey! (Truth Monkey has been brought t…
Truth monkey
I don’t know where monkeys come from … I don’t know how they reproduce … I don’t know what they eat. But I do know one thing: they were born to stop bad journalism. Truth Monkey, from the makers of Bathroom Monkey! (Truth Monkey has been brought t…
Truth monkey
I don’t know where monkeys come from … I don’t know how they reproduce … I don’t know what they eat. But I do know one thing: they were born to stop bad journalism. Truth Monkey, from the makers of Bathroom Monkey! (Truth Monkey has been brought t…
Dave forgot the most obvious one…the name of the network!
CBS
CBS (say it)
C BS (you should get it by now)
See B.S.
At least we can’t accuse them of false advertising!
People like jp need to be ignored, not encouraged.
He probably still tells people that if we elect Ronald Reagan he’ll get us into a war.
yeah, ignore half of all americans… spoken like someone who definitely understands the intricacies of world politics. I’m comin’ ta take yer gun away redman! I’m rootin’ fer the terrists! blah blah blah
Top Ten ways the Bush administration can improve its reputation:
10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on, like terrists hate our freedom.
9. Move announcements of ineffectual policy initiatives in Iraq to late friday night.
8. Stop hiring guys with crazy names like “Condoleeza” and “Rummy.”
7. Can’t figure out if intelligence is real? Let Rove decide.
6. Every time Bush says a lie he gets an electrical shock.
5. Oval Office patrolled by some kind of lovable but strict “truth monkey.”
4. If it turns out the intelligence is bad… just f-in bomb em anyway. They got a evil dictater!
3. After stating contradictory intelligence, Bush must add, “Like it matters! Bombs away!”
2. Press conferences consist of… oh wait, they don’t let Bush have press conferences. Too many, whatd’ya call em? Questions.
1. Oh, I dunno, stop making up crap?
Now that’s funny! Right guys? Right?
But then again, the report about McCauliffe using the “sugarcoating” reference was really no worse than what CBS did… in fact the underlying story is true, regardless of whether those pesky facts bear it out… and besides… uh…
Is that known as “sugarcoating” the “sugarcoating”?
Ignore jp? Are you kidding? He’s a goldmine of quality entertainment.
Keep posting the great comments, jp. I think you’re absolutely hilarious. I can’t remember the last time someone made me laugh so hard.
(The top ten list wasn’t quite up to your fine form, though. Stick with you usual, predictable commentary. It’s gold I tell ya – gold!)
thanks greg. Usually i feel so misunderstood on here. It’s nice to know someone gets me. And I got your email, and yes, I’m single. And I’m flattered.
You can’t fool me. There’s no way someone as smart, witty, well-informed, and urbane as you could be unattached. I’m sure the object of your affection will lift the restraining order soon and you’ll be able, once again, to delight her/him with the warm, wonderful glow that is jp.
On that day, this comment section will suffer a tragic loss as the leading light of reason and measured debate departs our crestfallen assemblage. But we all know that we must be prepared for that day when we will have to share the miracle that is you with the rest of the world.
Go! Go, my son, with my blessings…
When Glenn posted about blogs not elevating the political debate I thought:
As you said before, blogs mostly process information, and most of that is the garbage dumped on them by the MSM. Blogs basically have the power to call “Bull$#!+” and occasionally to amplify or evolve sound ideas. There is also herd mentality in the blogospere, just like the MSM.
I’ve also noticed in the past that many great discussions occurred on blogs (and still do at sites like Vodkapundit and Chicagoboyz), but when it is clear that facts, logic, and reality aren’t in favor of one side, Trolls move in with distractions. They are a bigger influence than we care to admit. We are all pretty reactionary. Trolls muddle good discussions, influence future posts, and steer the broader conversation to quibbles.
MSM implied that focus on RatherGate lowered the level of the discussion, but there was a rather large volume of quibbles blogs basically were forced to address. And I think to really get to the bottom of where this political discourse is at, you need to address your questions to the MSM. Even if the memos were real, claims genuine, his sources credible; WHY THE HELL WOULD RATHERS DO THAT STORY!
Headline: Bush Skipped ANG Phys, CO Miffed
He could have done this story: Kerry Uses Service as Political Tool on Grandiose Scale
Yeah, it’s just the blogosphere that has failed to elevate the debate. Way to state the obvious Rathers. I think it was safe for us to assume Bush’s CO was pissed he skipped the physical, there might have been a story if we found out Bush’s CO didn’t care and let people skip physicals all the time, maybe worth 15 seconds of airtime.
And, JP, I don’t remember the Niger docs having anything to do with the war. I think that was another manufatured scandal.
Re: McAuliffe & “Sugarcoat”
Fake, but accurate?
Has it escaped everyone’s notice that Our Commander in Chief GOT OUT OF SERVING IN VIETNAM by special favors, STILL denies there were special favors, although those who got them publicly say they helped. Our Commander in Chief NEVER served in a war….yet he’s “leading” our country in two wars….
PEOPLE, he’s freaking playing GI Joe with our children!!!! He’s sending them to do something he was to scared to do.
WAKE UP!!!!!
Do you know how you can tell W is lying?
Cheney’s lips are moving.
AND, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’s discovered that Cheney or someone in the W admin are behind the “fake” documents.
They’ve got to figure out how to deal with the fact that W didn’t serve….so they leak fake documents, make CBS look bad and it takes the heat off the wimp in the White House. They story is now about CBS….not about what’s really happening.
Wag the dog.
DJL- I don’t think anyone who flies a fighter jet is afraid of goingin harm’s way. Powerline has a pretty interesting statement by an Air Force officer who brings up some pretty good points about Bush’s Guard Service.
However, since I want Bush to win (on account of the fact that Kerry has no credibility on anything), I hope you will continue to stress how important this subject is. Enjoy the next four years!
DJL, please follow the story before making comments.
Self-proclaimed source Bill Burkett gave CBS the documents with the assistance of ex-Clinton aide Joe Lockhart, not Karl Rove or Cheney. It was a lame Democratic hit piece that was botched by the liberal media.
Bush served honorably, and has never made his NG service an issue in the campsign. Maybe you should be asking why Kerry is so desperate to dwell on 30 year old ancient history instead of the issues of the day.
DJL,
So you did vote for Bush the Elder and Dole over Clinton, right?
News from various places
Quick stops: From the Club for Growth…side by side photos of Bush and Kerry and their wives. Test your knowledge on the space program, take a quick quiz here. Lots of Dan Rather cartoons can be found here. Letterman Top
Yes, and I voted for W last time and have lived to regret it. He is rapidly bankrupting our country. Performance evaluation???? I’d put him on a 90-day probation. Really, I’m scared. And it scares me that people are so blindly following.
Letterman rips CBS
Here’s his Top Ten list from two nights ago: Top Ten Ways CBS News Can Improve It’s Reputation 10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on, like cookies are delicious. 9. Move nightly “happy hour” to after the broadcast. 8.
before the attention shifts too far away from me and my ‘trolling’, I think it’s too self-congratulatory for you guys to claim I muddy the waters of your great discussions. Yes, the guys who runs this blog does a great job of posting interesting, conversation provoking things, and *sometimes* provides higher level commentary on those posts/article/happenings, but…
I don’t think too often I just muddle the waters. If I take a very contrary stance and people on here respond and we argue about it in the comments section we both become more informed. I’m sure it pains you deeply to be questioned about your beliefs, because of course, you like every other American is always right all the time when it comes to their political beliefs, but it’s silly and republican to think there’s no benefit from arguing with stupid trolls, like me, who happens to represent the thoughts and beliefs of about 50% of Americans.
All the comments section on this blog is, is a bunch of people slapping eachother on the back, propping eachother up with yes, yep, oh definitely, oh that’s the only way to see it, and on and on and on. It’s not good conversation, it’s mutual masturbation. You should thank me for saving you from the idle self-worship of mutually delusional banter.
To all the morons who believe the line of garbage DJL is spewing:
PEOPLE, he’s freaking playing GI Joe with our children!!!!
Go find a brain to think with!!…for a change. I assure everyone who has ever stood and took the oath of service to our country fully understands that someday they may be asked to serve in harm’s way. Everyone who serves is 18 or older, is legally entitled to vote in this country, and is far from being “children”. These individuals understand what serving their country means and are real live full-grown adults. Anyone who enlists and then complains about the prospect of serving during a war is either an idiot or an opportunist willing to take advantage of the benefits that military service offers (i.e. GI Bill, health coverage, job security) without a willingness to defend our country when called upon. This “victim” mentality you bleeding heart anti-war types take by calling our active duty and national guard troops “children” is a disgrace and an insult to service members and veterans everywhere.
So, DJL. For whom would you have voted in 1944? Certainly you would *not* have voted for Roosevelt, as he never served, due to Polio. And clearly, since he never served, he must have done a truly horrible job as CinC of our armed forces during WWII.
Just curious.
Leno had a few good zingers too:
# At one point, Bush said, “We are determined to destroy terror networks wherever they operate.
DJL stated:
“And it scares me that people are so blindly following.”
If you’re scared that people are blindly following Bush, are you scared that people are just blindly pushing Kerry because he’s not Bush?
There the extremists in each party and then there are those that are just lazy who won’t be looking for the differences and considering what is important for the near future of this country. But then there are a lot of us who are taking the time to make those considerations. Most of us won’t be following blindly at all.
It may benefit everyone, if people making those assumptions about those that prefer Bush at the moment, take a little time to realize that many of us are actally responsible.
You guys are like piranna on an old water buffalo, who just happened to wander unsuspectingly into the blogoswamp.
The feeding frenzy is hard to watch, but I just can’t take my eyes away until all the flesh is gone. Call me voyeuristic.
Why you be hatin
Top Ten Things Dan Rather Would Never Say On The CBS EVENING NEWS – produced by David Letterman in 1995!
10. I’m Dan Rather, your love anchor
9. Connie, mind if I borrow your mascara?
8. Wanna buy a fake Rolex?
7. And now a report from our White House correspondent, Howie Mandel
6. Maybe Letterman ought to spend some of that big-time TV money on better wigs
5. That’s the news, I’m Oprah Winfrey
4. Hey, let’s bomb Alaska!
3. Honey, I’ll be home soon–have the tequila ready
2. Good evening. I’m Dan Rather and I’m not wearing pants
1. I made that last story up
Well, apparently that last one is no longer true.
Since CBS News, Democratic National Committeee, and some private citizens
are linked to a potential criminal collusion, fraud, and treachery – could
charges be forthcoming from the State of Texas, U.S. Dept. of Justice, and a military tribunal? (it involves a Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces and Texas Air National Guard…) Pick ONE or ALL
“stupid trolls, like me, who happens to represent the thoughts and beliefs of about 50% of Americans.”
Well let’s be scientific here. The anti-war left makes up about half of the Democratic base. Let’s take a middle of the road poll, putting Kerry’s support at about 43% (and falling) and see where that puts you…
So really you represent about 21.5% (and falling) of the nutjob partisan left in the country.
And if you’d like to actually debate ideas instead of tossing out throwaway lies about Bush and the Republicans, feel free. Debunking and humiliating trolls is my favorite online past-time.
Bring it on!
No one asked me, but:
During the 60′s, there was a real threat to the Gulf Coast – from Cuba.
Seriously.
Consider: if the Soviets manage to slip some medium bombers past our photo-hounds, we suddenly have a problem. And if they use them – in a coordinated strike targeting Europe as well – then fighter planes on the Gulf Coast suddenly find themselves on the frontlines. With obsolescing planes, haphazard ground radar, little “regular” Air Force support, and oh yeah, New Orleans and other major cities to protect.
Thankfully, history went a different direction, but who knew that in 1970?
jp-
We’re self-congratulatory? Look at you, Mr. I-raise-the-level-of-discourse. We wrongly think we’re right all the time, so you’re going to set us straight? People here and at similar sites are not of a single mind, but happen to agree on some basic fundamental truths. It’s comforting to find such places, what with the world full of lying news networks and off-the-rocker nutters like yourself out there. I’m sick of people like you or I wouldn’t be here.
Now, if you have some rational anti-war talking points, feel free to bring them up. Let me get you started:
Can we truly hope to win the hearts of Arabs through military strikes against Arab regimes?
Can we hope to implant workable democratic values in a culture that, as a matter of religious faith, harbors great antipathy toward the very notion of personal freedom?
To create lasting peace and freedom in the Middle East must we first be prepared to apocolyptically destroy it and the Islam faith?
Would a better and more temperate long-term policy be to grant Israel a new “holy” land in Florida, leave the Middle East to rot by disengaging militarily, culturally, and economically, and treat the (hopefully) resultantly reduced risk of terrorism as a criminal issue?
However, you are a wanker troll. Not a valued conversationalist. You make shit up. You do not represent rational thought, but only reactionary, thoughtless, partisan drivel.
If it were possible to “muddle” the waters, you’d do it.
Wrong again, jp.
Bush said something along the lines of “British intelligence has evidence that Saddam has tried to purchase Uranium FROM AFRICA”
Not “Niger”, “Africa”. I guess that left-wing education left you not knowing that there are more countries in Africa than just Niger?
BTW, British intelligence STILL stands by those reports, after further looking into them this year.
All this has been well pulicised, but somehow you missed it.
Should we assume that all your comments are that ignorant and divorced from reality?
Gregory Hill:
No, by modern lights, FDR did not serve due to cowardice, not polio.
FDR was born in 1882. He did not contract polio until 1921, when he was 39. Clearly, he could have joined the military when he was hale and hearty.
He, by the lights of the modern-day Democrats, was a “chickenhawk” or worse, since he sent men off to die (as Assistant Secretary of the Navy), yet himself never spent a day in uniform when he could have.
Note that, for example, he could have joined the US Army and fought in Mexico under Pershing in 1916, or in Central America supporting United Fruit.
Amazing how moonbattery only changes the names and dates, never the underlying memes.
And, no, I don’t actually think FDR was a chickenhawk, any more than I think that of Dubya. I don’t think that FDR KNEW!, and find the same arguments applied to Dubya equally offensive.
Letterman on CBS News
Top Ten Ways CBS News Can Improve Its Reputation.
Classic stuff, courtesy of Stephen Green.
Every President in HISTORY has sent “gi joe/our children” into some conflict, some place.
I find it appalling that since we have to make IRAQ and Afghanistan our BIG STAND IN THE SAND, everyone lashes out. WE had to finish off Iraq. The elder Bush pulled out and nothing changed, lest we forget. So we went in and cleaned house.
I think old war records are moot, and pointless. If what I did thirty years ago makes me a better man now, I call you a Liar. If what I did thirty years ago makes me a worse man, I call you a Liar.
Face the facts, old war records are not an issue, balancing the budget, getting rid of this racial tension, fixing what is broken and making America stronger, faster, better, IS the issue. And if along the way we invade something, so be it.
We have stuck our noses throughout history. Lest I remind you We also dropped TEA into Boston Harbor to protest the TAX, Which I am SURE DID THE HARBOR WILDLIFE AND MARINE LIFE WORLDS OF GOOD, so I don’t want to hear about how we are so perfect in OUR CORRECTNESS, we have made a lot of errors in sticking our noses up, instead of sticking them down to the ground and working on making America GREAT. Stick it, and stick to the issues.
Iraq was needing an invasion, as was Afghanistan. Like the Boston tea party has anything to do with that, but it is no more than bush war records having anything to do with the decision to drop the atomic bomb. In this country there are a certain kind of people that are so sideways in looking at things, that they make a big splash in the puddle, run away and watch the rest of us scurry to catch a wave to ride on in it.
It is so sad.
I hope one day we get back to blaming ourselves for what WE do wrong and not bashing one another and blaming others for what they do wrong.
We invaded Europe to over come HITLER. We went to Iraq to over come a HITLER wanna be. AND YES FOLKS, HE WAS A MAN WITH TOO MUCH POWER. SADDAM INSANE.
I SAY MOVE ON AND LETS FOCUS ON WORKING TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps , what I do on a daily basis decides whether or not I am a better man….
Jeff: “If what I did thirty years ago makes me a worse man, I call you a Liar.”
Damn, Jeff. You just took away the best criticism we had against anti-war pacifist John’s behavior after his return from Vietnam.
But wait…….isn’t he still behaving that way today? I take it back.