My bride thinks that Jesus drove a Volvo, because I’m always shouting, “Jesus Christ, would you get out of my way?” at them.
Funny, I always thought he drove a Cincinnati Metro Bus.
But sometimes I think he takes on the shape of a golf ball. “Jesus Christ! Hook…HOOOOOK!!!”
Obviously Jesus would drive an early-mid 70s Mercedes.
I mean, what else could He possibly drive?
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I swear the next good driver behind the wheel of a Volvo will be the first. When the main appeal of the car is that it will keep you safe if you crash into something, well that’s not a demographic that’s going to rate very high in the “skilled driving” ratings.
I’m with ya! Way back I learned that Volvo drivers, especially those of the female persuasion, truly know that they were superior to the mundane masses forced to drive inferior cars. To this day I have a negative initial impression of folks who drive them.
Ahem. The most annoying driver on the planet is not behind the wheel of a volvo.
The most annoying driver on the planet ALWAYS chooses a Subaru wagon- the kind with lots of back window space for Earth First! and Greenpeace stickers.
Not as many Volvos here, but plenty of Audis for bad drivers to lease.
But to be honest, the worst drivers I see are suburbanites driving monster SUVs without a clue about the steering and acceleration characteristics of their massive vehicles.
I actually has a t-shirt which read “Volvo Aware Motorcyclist”
Two words: AIR HORNS.
Jesus was a carpenter. He would drive a pickup truck today.
I used to have a Volvo 850 turbo – I did not drive it slowly.
Ditto on the suburban SUV drivers – these people think they are driving a damn Boxster!
There IS an exception…
Inhabitants of the 444 and 544 coupes built from 1956 to 1964 are clearly outside the designation.
It’s an intimate little retro-ride for those folks who eat well, drink well, smoke well, drive well, appreciate good car flesh and, well, give not a shit otherwise.
When in South Central Texas, Jesus’ mode of transport varies. What does not vary however is the fact that said transport is never, EVER one solid color and is usually sporting evidence of mutiple collisions.
And he will likely have a dancing version of himself mounted to the dash.
The Bible is clear that God is a Plymouth man – “And the Lord did drive them out in his Fury”. Jesus and the disciples were Honda men – “they were all of one Accord”. Groan…
In the end, however, Jesus entered Jerusalum in his “triumph”
As I revealed today, he drove a Chrystler.
Nope…worst drivers are small (sub-5-foot) Asian women who drive SUVs with tires taller than they are. I swear, they drive these things that are designed to invade small countries at no greater than 2 mph over every speed bump.
Hey, Stephen, if its a green 940 – watch out, its my wife and she’s probably armed.
And if it’s a brown 1975 242DL, it’s me and I’ve been crashed into twice by other drivers, and their cars were much more damaged by the collision.
As for what Jesus drives, I have always pictured Him driving a kind of battered extended-cab pickup, loaded with tools, a ladder and a couple of disciples.
I just saw CNN at the gym. They were asking what would Jesus drive!
I hope they send you a nice bottle for the idea.
Wednesday headline on Detroit News (one of two dailies): What Would Jesus Drive?
Gotta wonder about that. So what do other Palestinian Jews drive?
Just heard a really good one on the radio today, purely by coincidence regarding Jesus and driving.
Jesus must drive a Honda.
Because he’s in accord with all the disciples.
Everyone knows that Jesus’s prefered mode of transportation (other than his feet) was an ass. Expect ass sales to skyrocket in 2003!
Jesus drives a 68 caddy convertible, sky blue, with a statue of St. Joe glued to the dash cruising the American midwest on full moon nights. He blows down corn country highways at just under a century with Elvis on max and one rear speaker out and He don’t care as long as Elvis don’t. He wears a engineers hat – the type with blue pinstripes – and no ponytail. He has one of those lit up license plate holders on the rear, soft glowing pink.
I’ve seen him.
An old joke here in Washington state:
Scientists have identified the slowest object in the universe.
A Volvo with Oregon plates.
Simple and fun solution on any four-lane (or more) when the slow vehicle is riding the left:
Once you finally get past, change lanes in front of them — and then very slowly let off the go-faster pedal, until the driver finally figures out what’s going on and gets over to the right to pass you. Then floor it, having done your good deed for the day.
I think my most memorable incident involved a soccer-momesque woman in a Lincoln Navigator. With my ’88 Corolla GTS.
I saw a woman moved to tears while trying to negotiate her Ford Excretion (whatever it’s called) in a smallish parking lot.
Her turn quickly became a nine- or ten-point turn, with probably 80 looks over her shoulder, and me grinning like a mad fool and laughing.
Of course, she could have crushed me like a bug with her monster truck, but she was probably too busy trying to get the DVD player operated for the snot in the back seat.
Everybody knows that the messiah drives a Passion Purple ’70 426 Hemi ‘Cuda. Don’t believe me? Get the Ministry album ‘Jesus Built My Hot Rod’ or ‘Jesus Chrysler Superstock’.
Volvo: Tofu with tires. The bland leaving the bland.
BMW: the ultimate driving machine, driven by the ultimate driving idiots.
Benz/BMW/Lexus SUV: If you order one, there’s a 3 month wait for the mandatory lobotomy.
Jesus had quite an entourage, so I figure he’d drive an Econoline 350 15-passenger van.
Ummm…mea culpa. I used to drive a ’73 Volvo 142 that was modded a bit. After I tore the entire car apart in a vain attempt to make it Pretty Once More (truth was, likely it never had been), I swapped all those neato parts (overbored engine, CFI injection, ported&polished heads, performance camshaft, header, exhaust, higher rate springs, sway bars, KYB gas shocks, better wheels and tires…) into a ’72 145. So I was the idiot driving a blue Volvo station wagon driving like a bat out of hell on I-4. Probably not what you had in mind when talking about worst drivers, though…
I’ve been wanting a P1800 for a LONG time now. Santa, if you’re listening… Seriously, a sport coupe with tail fins. Who could ask for more? Even if it wasn’t really all that sporty.
Speaking of air horns…
I think there ought to be a height requirement for women who drive SUVs. At a skosh over 5’9, I can easily get into my Dodge 2500 Diesel Quad Cab, see beside, around, and behind it, and it is equipped with air horns (thank you honey). You have no idea how fast an inattentive driver becomes an attentive one with just one little tap of the horn…and from then on, they’re just not a problem.
| VIEW MOBILE SITE
Copyright © 2005-2015 PJ Media All Rights Reserved. v1.000037