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Return of the Living Dead Severed Penis Part III

February 28th, 2002 - 1:23 pm

Emily Jones, my favorite Bellicose Girl (her word!) sends me comedy gold from Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Global News Gatherer Is Another Man’s Kindey Punch”). That’s right, kids — The Case of the Severed Penis has been solved.

A lingering mystery involving what appeared to be a severed human penis found in a Nebraska car wash has been solved, police have said, with tests showing the organ was a cow’s teat.

Yeah, they were certain even at first that whatever it was, it hadn’t been circumcised.

“I’ve learned more about cow parts and human parts in the past two weeks than I cared to,” said Police Chief Larry Thoren.

Thoren went on to say, “Them cows is smart — they got teats. ‘Ceptin they sometimes look like a male organ. Can I say ‘male organ’ in a family paper?”

Police launched a possible homicide investigation after the part was found near a vacuum cleaner at a car wash in Hastings on February 12. Local medical officials said they thought it resembled a human penis and it was sent off to a state crime laboratory for further tests.

Industrial vacuum cleaners… mystery flesh must be severed male human penis body part… What do Nebraska cops do in their lonely free time that would make them jump to such a conclusion?

Thoren said test results showed it to be a cow’s teat, nothing udder.

Do yourself a favor and leave the jokes to the Bloggers, pal.