» Andrew Klavan

The PJ Tatler

Andrew Klavan

Andrew Klavan’s newest novel is Nightmare City.
Follow Andrew:

What A Great President Is Like on D-Day

Friday, June 6th, 2014 - by Andrew Klavan

Our great president’s love of freedom and America come shining through as he pays tribute to the heroes of Normandy Beach. Yeah… not this president. But now and then, it’s nice to remember what love of freedom and America look like in a Chief Executive:

Cross-posted from Klavan on the Culture

Read bullet | Comments »

News of the Week Recap

Friday, October 18th, 2013 - by Andrew Klavan

So I read in the news that the Republicans sold out all their principles to end the government shut down and I was, like, “Whaaat? The government shut down??? No way!!!” Because, you know, you would think if the government shut down that would be really inconvenient but it turns out, not so much. Only there were a lot of people on television saying, no, this was really, really, serious, dude, because if the government shuts down too long, we’ll default on our debt. And they had really, really serious faces on when they said this so I started to get worried and I was all, like, “Really? You mean, if this government shutdown I didn’t even notice was happening goes on for too long, we won’t be able to pay the interest on all the loans we had to take on account of the fact we were spending too much money?” But in fact, it turns out if we “defaulted,” we’d actually have plenty of money to pay off the interest on our loans, we’d just have to stop paying for all those things we spent too much money on so that we’d no longer be spending too much money. So I was all, like, “Oh, hey, that would be great, right?” But what do you know, the idea of not spending too much money was so unpopular that the Republicans had to sell out all their principles to make sure it didn’t happen. And this was all Ted Cruz’s fault because Ted Cruz had principles so he made the other Republicans look bad. And now, instead of being popular for having no principles, the Republicans have no principles and are unpopular, which is a very bad thing because it’s much better to be popular. So that rotten Ted Cruz ruined everything for the Republicans because instead of having no principles and getting re-elected, they might have no principles and get thrown out of office. And that would mean more Democrats because Democrats not only have no principles, they actually run on the platform of having no principles, so what could possibly go wrong for them? And all this made Barack Obama very happy and he was all, like, “I rock! I rule! I’m a genius!” And then reporters asked him, “So how come everything sucks when you’re president?” And he was all, like, “Huh?” No, I’m joking. Reporters would never ask him that question. They’re reporters. They have to ask about, like, Michelle’s new dog and stuff.

Anyway, this is why I’ve been thinking about a third party. At my place, 8PM. Bring your own government.


Cross-posted from Klavan on the Culture

Read bullet | Comments »

Paul Ryan’s Words Brought To Life

Thursday, August 30th, 2012 - by Andrew Klavan

“College graduates should not have to live out their 20s in their childhood bedrooms staring up at fading Obama posters and wondering when they can move out and get going with life.” So said Paul Ryan at the GOP convention.

And now this absolutely brilliant video made by my friends at Madison McQueen for Crossroads Generation brings those words to vivid life:

Cross Posted from Klavan on the Culture

Read bullet | Comments »

MSNBC and The Big Narrative Lie

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012 - by Andrew Klavan

Most of the time, I have no problem with MSNBC. Why shouldn’t Communist fatheads have something to watch on TV? Conversely, the well-dressed, well-spoken, sophisticated anchors who front the network news and lie by omission and distortion every night while pretending to report objectively — they seem corrupt and wicked to me. They need to be exposed, ridiculed, undermined, defeated and ultimately replaced by people who understand the importance of fair and balanced reporting in a free nation. But MSNBC leftists speaking as leftists — that seems honest enough, no matter what I may think of their philosophy…  which is that it’s a recipe for disaster papered over with a facade of false virtue.

But during yesterday’s Republican convention coverage, The Daily Caller reports (h/t Instapundit), the MSNBC goofs cut away during every speech made by a minority. They didn’t want anyone to see that men and women of color were a cherished and honored part of the Republican party. That’s not their narrative so, by gum, they weren’t going to show it. Which raises — not a complaint — but a question: What good is a philosophy that can’t withstand even the sight of the simple facts? If, for instance, you are pro-abortion, why protest when pro-lifers show films of an abortion taking place? If you’re afraid reality will prejudice people against your point of view, shouldn’t you consider changing your point of view? Am I missing something?

Taking another, more honest tack on the issue of minorities speaking at the convention, David Horsey wrote at The Los Angeles Times that this put “a brown face on a white party.” Hey, fair enough. I would have said the GOP was using brown faces to show minorities they’re welcome and to overcome the ceaseless media portrayal of the party as racist. Black conservative speakers demonstrate that there’s another, better, prouder way to live than being dependent on the federal dime. But Horsey has the right to note the facts and speak his left-wing mind about them. Why not

But not to note the facts at all? Even MSNBC should be ashamed of itself — or perhaps they should be converted to conservatism by recognizing leftism’s need to hide reality from itself!

The left wing complaint against Fox News has always been that Fox is biased toward the right. In practical fact, this means Fox runs popular shows by Sean Hannity and the libertarian Bill O’Reilly, and sometimes overweights the All Stars panel with conservative voices. But no one ever accuses news anchor Bret Baer of failing to show the world more or less as it is. Why would right wingers watch him if he did that? All of us sometimes explain away facts that challenge our opinions — but just pretending the facts aren’t there? How can that be of service to anyone?

MSNBC’s convention coverage would be hilarious if it weren’t pathetic. Oh, hell, it’s hilarious anyway.

Read bullet | Comments »


Thursday, June 28th, 2012 - by Andrew Klavan
YouTube Preview Image


“Congress had the power to impose the exaction in Section 5000A [the Obamacare mandate] under the taxing power, and that Section 5000A need not be read to do more than impose a tax. This is sufficient to sustain it.”

And this, from ABC News, by way of Drudge:

OBAMA: “For us to say that you’ve got to take a responsibility to get health insurance is absolutely not a tax increase.”

Cross-Posted from Klavan on the Culture

Read bullet | Comments »

Separated at Birth?

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

As rebels stormed Tripoli yesterday and Libyan dictator Moammar “Get Me Outta Here” Gadhafi ran for his miserable life, Moammar jr, otherwise known as Seif “You Can Call Me” al-Islam showed up at the city’s Rixos Hotel where a bunch of foreign journalists were staying and declared, “We broke the back of the rebels. It was a trap. We gave them a hard time, so we are winning.”

All well and good as far as it goes, but two telling facts went unnoticed by the mainstream press.  One, Charlie Sheen has never appeared anywhere at the same time as Seif al-Islam.  Two, al-Islam has just signed a multi-million dollar contract to co-star in the new TV series, “Two And a Half Murderous Thugs.”

Coincidence?  I think not.  Duh, winning.

YouTube Preview Image


Read bullet | Comments »

Obama is On It!

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

Whew, what a relief!  After telling Rick Perry what he can and can’t say…  and explaining to car makers what they should and shouldn’t sell…  President Obama is turning his all-encompassing mind to another problem:  joblessness.  And he’s going to get to that little issue right after Labor Day!  When he gets back from vacation on Martha’s Vineyard.  Here’s part of the exciting report from the AP:

Seeking to jolt the economy, President Barack Obama will unveil new ideas to create jobs and help the struggling poor and middle class in a major speech after Labor Day. And then he will try to seize political advantage by spending the fall pressuring Congress to act on his plan.

So hey, have a nice rest-of-the-summer, Unemployed People.  And if you’re being unemployed anywhere near the Vineyard, try not to make too much noise and disturb the president in his hammock…

I mean, really…  whose idea was it to elect this clown???

Read bullet | Comments »

PJTV’s Own Justin Folk Wins The Big One!

Monday, August 1st, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

This is terrific!  Justin Folk – who does the brilliant backgrounds on my Klavan on the Culture videos at PJTV – has won the 100-thousand dollar Powerline Prize for dramatizing the debt crisis.  His wonderful video:  “The Spending is Nuts” took the honors.  Among other things, this means Justin will now be paying for lunch!  But seriously, no one could deserve this more.  The guy is both wonderfully talented and a decent humanoid, a combination that doesn’t come along all that often.

Hit the link to read the full story and see the winning vid.

Read bullet | Comments »

Why The Democratic Party Is Doomed

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

From the capacious mind of Richard Miniter comes the prediction that the Democratic party is doomed.  In an article for Forbes, Miniter says Barack Obama,”is not the new FDR, but the new Gorbachev: a man forced to preside over the demise of a political system he desperately wants to save.”  The argument is somewhat Marxist, ironically enough, in that he says that leftism essentially produces its own gravediggers:

“This week’s fight over raising the federal debt limit exposes a key weakness in the warfare-welfare state that has bestowed power onto the Democratic Party: Without an ever-growing share of the economy, it dies. Every vital element of the Democrats’ coalition — unions, government workers, government contractors, “entitlement” consumers — requires constant increases in payments, grants and consulting contracts. Without those payments, they don’t sign checks to re-elect Democrats.”

Read the whole thing here.  It’s worth it.

Read bullet | Comments »

Klavan on the Culture: Michele Bachmann Makes a Gaffe!!!

Thursday, July 14th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

Okay, this is really going to be great.  Our friends in the Mainstream Media have invited PJTV’s Klavan on the Culture to join them in waiting for Congresswoman Michele Bachmann to make a gaffe.  The way she is, it could happen any minute.  But you have to keep watching…  keeeep watching…

Justin Folk does the gaffe-free visuals.

YouTube Preview Image

Read bullet | Comments »

The Violent Left

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

Excellent piece by A. Barton Hinkle over at Reason.com, carefully comparing the way our increasingly despicable news media play down violence at left wing demonstrations while playing up any unpleasantness at right wing gatherings.  Hinkle ascribes the discrepancy to:

…big-government bias. To much of the establishment media, a preference for limited government is a dangerous idea. Ergo, its supporters must be dangerous, too. But liberals don’t find a preference for big government threatening, so they view its supporters as non-threatening as well.

The predominance of left wing violence is a major theme in Ann Coulter’s new book Demonic as well.  The dangerous confusion of political beliefs with virtue makes people feel justified in all sorts of horrors.

[h/t to Instapundit for the Reason link.]

Read bullet | Comments »

The Shame of LA

Friday, July 1st, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

If you’re looking for signs of the decline of California – and bankruptcy, swarming illegals and one feckless governor after another don’t do it for you – look no further than our loss of the mighty John Nolte, who packed up his beloved wife Julie and left Los Angeles yesterday to go home to North Carolina.  Nolte, who will remain the editor of Breitbart’s Big Hollywood, is not only a voice for righteousness in the entertainment industry, striking out fearlessly against the left-wing blacklist.  He’s a righteous dude altogether.  In fact, a lot of the power of Big Hol comes from the fact that when Nolte slams you, you’ve been slammed by a man of open-hearted kindness, patience and decency.  Which has got to hurt.  And he slammed LA big time on the way out, saying in his goodbye post:

There is very little… my wife and I will miss about the city itself. We learned pretty quickly that all the cliches are true about the crime, traffic, smog, tremors, and artificiality of it all. Simply put, this city is a dump with a 10% sales tax where light bulbs are contraband the seasons change from hot to scalding and throwing your garbage in the wrong bin ranks as something close to a capital crime. No offense, but I see Los Angeles as nothing more than a big, fascist, one-story ghetto and those of you who love it are welcome to it.

Ouch-y.  I can only add:  nuts to you, LA.  You cost me the company of a good friend.  Safe home, mighty John.

Read bullet | Comments »

Greek to Us

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

What’s going on in Greece would be unbelievable if it weren’t merely what has been going on in Wisconsin writ large.  What is the moral reasoning here?  Greek public union thugs protest and riot to insist that people in France and Germany keep paying their way?  Wisconsin public union thugs thuggishly protest and manipulate the law to get the rest of us to keep them fat?  At what point, I wonder, do you begin to believe that other people’s money is somehow yours by right?  Whatever point it is, could we please stop the bus before we get there?

Read bullet | Comments »

I Could Back Bachmann

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

Congress-lady Michelle Bachmann’s strong showing at the GOP debate Monday was no surprise to me at all.  I’ve seen her speak in person twice.  The first time, she was off-the-cuff, unrestrained and mesmerizing.  Speaking of conservatives, she said (I’m quoting from memory), “We’re right.  We’re in the majority.  Why should we be afraid to speak out?”  Yeah, mama.  The second time I saw her, I thought she was more cautious and gave more of a hit-the-beats stump speech.  If that first Michelle shows up – or this one – I believe she could be president, no bad thing for the country.

Read bullet | Comments »

What Breitbart Knows

Monday, June 6th, 2011 - by Andrew Klavan

Watching Breitbart crush Weiner beneath his heel like an insignificant weiner, it occurs to me that Breitbart’s genius – and he really is an information genius – consists almost entirely of two pieces of knowledge:  one, leftists will lie knowing the media will back them and two, the media will back them.  With those two principles, he manages to make utter fools of both lying leftists and their corrupt mainstream media cronies again and again.  Not to mention again.  It’s wonderful.

Read bullet | Comments »