This morning’s tent revival/snake oil sales event by The Idiot King basically consisted of him telling the faithful that everything is going to be all right BECAUSE SAID SO, followed by the fake healer staple of an audience member fainting.

Rational people know that this isn’t going to get any better in a hurry, which means an almost endless diet of “Let me be clear…” opportunities from our clueless leader in the coming months. Here’s a preview of some excuses and talking points we can expect to soothe to the low IQ voters.

“Have you tried rebooting your computer?”

“Many of the people who are saying they can’t sign up are Republicans so…Bush.”

“The dog ate the new website designer. Then I ate the dog.”

“We wouldn’t have trouble finding competent web designers if we just spent more on education. Also plus infrastructure.”

“Ted Cruz is holding the Internet hostage.”

“Ted Cruz is holding the insurance companies hostage.”

“Ted Cruz is holding your doctor hostage.”

“Website partially fixed-it will now tell you exactly who or what Ted Cruz is holding hostage that day.”

“What I meant by ‘If you like your plan you can keep it,’ depends on what your definition of ‘like’ is. And ‘your’. And ‘keep’. And…English is racist.”

“I just haven’t adequately explained how paying more is less.”

“Have you tried rebooting your suspension of disbelief?”

“I’ve proposed legislation to do away with the unfair, bullying concept of “more” in mathematics.”