Thanks to all who made our latest contest red carpet worthy. Most of the captions from the huge list of submissions received five stars and made the contest worth sitting through to the very end. Now unfortunately, my usual two man judging panel has abandoned me (one is still mountain climbing in Africa, while the other is at his office making the world a better place) so I am left alone to select the winner from this never ending list of captivating captions. (Poor pitiful me!)
And the winner is..… a long list of A-list captions!
Best Actor goes to cfbleachers. Now watch our “King of the Caption Kings” in action — first with this amazing ten-part caption:
We would like to give the American People the following awards from the White House:
1) Your accumulated wealth: Gone With The Wind
2) Your free speech, especially to denounce Islam: Citizen Caned.
3) Obama’s media and your information stream: The Lyin’ King
4) Securing your borders: Guestbusters
5) California, Illinois and New York fiscal health: The Thin Blue Line
6) Democratic Party booing God and Jerusalem: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
7) New York Times articles on Obama: Pulp Fiction
8) Gutting the military by sequestration: Apocalypse Now
9) The MSNBC lineup: Snow White and the Seven Mental Dwarfs
10) Obamacare’s many loopholes for cronies: Easy Rider
Then, as an encore, cfbleachers had these three winners:
We finally got gas prices to over $5 per gallon, combined tax rates over 50%, full groping at airports and we are renaming the American people. Les Miserables
We pushed the debt to $17 trillion, but what do we call the loss of $85 billion of it? Skyfall.
And the winner in the complete fiction category…the White House.
Let’s hear it for cfbleachers!
Next, Best Director goes to RockThisTown, another “Caption King” who is determined to dethrone the reigning cfbleachers and nearly did with these brilliant captions:
“Barack sends this message to you beautiful people: his next appointment to the Supreme Court will be . . . George Clooney!”
“Barack and I are thrilled to be a part of fantasy, make-believe, fairy-tale, special-effects-enhanced, big-budget entertainment. And we’re both glad I’m here in Hollywood too.”
“And the nominees for Best Supporting Role in a Fictional Setting are: Jay Carney, David Axelrod, Janet Napolitano, David Chu & John Kerry.”
“And the winner of Best Performance at a National Political Convention is . . . Clint Eastwood! CLINT EASTWOOD!!? OMG! THIS MUST BE A MISTAKE!”
“And the winner for Best Picture is, and btw this is a title Barack and I just love . . . . . . Brokeback America!”
“Barack wanted me to convey his regrets that he couldn’t be here . . . but he’ll finish his golf game in time to watch it on TV.”
“I’m sorry, but in our next category, there’s been a delay in tallying the votes because too many Academy members voted ‘PRESENT’.
“And as a special goody bag gift, you’ll all receive a DVD of Barack’s speeches!”
“To all you losers tonight, don’t despair – next year Barack & I will be glad to share our voter fraud tips with you!”
Best Supporting Actor goes to fortibus85 with seven terrific captions:
“The President and I decided that everyone deserves an award.”
“Please ignore the lack of diversity behind me.”
“See, this is how much Barack and I love our military!”
“I have never been more proud, of myself.”
“My dress needs some sequestration. What? Oh, I think I mean sequins.”
The Newtown Children’s choir wasn’t available to stand behind me.
More security in the frame than at the Benghazi consulate.
Finally, here are the rest of the best:
“Tonight I am wearing this dress to symbolize the awful oppression experienced by the workers of the tin foil mines in South Africa.” Submitted by FailBurton
I’d like to thank the Academy for my Oscar in my fictional portrayal as someone who cares about her country. Submitted by rbj
What does the White House and the Oscars have in common, It’s got a leading man, and a cast of characters you would not believe. Submitted by Donald Eugene
And the “Best Bangs For Our Bucks” award goes to…. Submitted by Chris in N. Va.
“And the winner of the Best Cartoon Character is . . . . Joe Biden!” Submitted by HiPlanesDrifter
Finally, I would like to thank all of you who have ever submitted a caption and see you next time a photo is worthy of a Tatler Photo Caption Contest!