Pretty soon only criminals will have bear spray and samurai swords, or something.

I soooo want our friends at Next Media Animation to animate this story. It has everything — wacky California, a stupid criminal, an attractive and plucky woman, and the attractive plucky woman mashes a criminal with creativity and style. While tweeting about it.

Sonya Yu, a San Francisco photographer, learned that the thief had been roaming her neighborhood stealing packages from doorsteps. He had allegedly stolen $1,000 worth of deliveries from Miss Yu herself.

On Tuesday, she put out a ‘bait package’ and waited on her balcony to see whether the burglar would try to steal it.

‘Apparently, our neighborhood thief has a violent rape rap sheet. My bear spray, bokken, & I are still not intimidated,’ she tweeted about 2.10pm.

A bokken is a wood samurai sword used for training.

At 4.45pm, she tweeted about writing her wedding vows and how she was certainly going to cry as she read them at her wedding.

Then, 30 minutes later, she tweeted: ‘I GOT HIM WITH THE BEAR SPRAY BUT HE ESCAPED.’

’8 COPS HAVE HIM & I JUST CONFIRMED ID,’ she wrote minutes later.

‘HE IS BEIN TAKEN AWAY IN AN AMBULANCE CUZ OF THE BEAR SPRAY I DOUSED HIM WITH,’ she added.

That’s just awesome. But not everyone is cheering our hero.

One angry online commenter wrote: ‘This is assault. Cops can’t beat suspected criminals who are fleeing, and citizens can’t blast them with bear spray. He had a knife? Please. You mean the one he opens packages with? Sonya was not in physical danger on her balcony… y’all are a bunch of Texans if you think this violence is justified.’

If that doesn’t typify some dolts…

At any rate, by the power inherent in me as a sovereign citizen, I hereby name Sonya Yu an Honorary Texan.

We do have a castle law here, and we’re looking at changing our gun law from concealed firearm carry to open carry.