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September 3, 2012 - 4:03 pm

Joe Biden earlier today inaugurated the Democratic Party’s new audience-participation campaign motto:

Let me make something clear, say it to the press: America is better off today, than they left us when they left. And if it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail why I say that…

Obama campaign officials later explained that the president plans to use Biden’s formulation to clarify every single aspect of Obama’s record. While the campaign’s staff speechwriters will supply many of the variants in upcoming weeks, Obama for America 2012 invited voters to submit their own versions; lucky winners will be selected for inclusion in speeches by the president himself.

A White House press release revealed the following examples which Obama plans to use in his convention acceptance speech and on the campaign trail; voters (no ID required) are encouraged to submit their own in the comments section below.

“If it weren’t so hot”: Motto for an Obama Future

 
• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail how four straight years of 8+% unemployment proves that my economic theories have succeeded.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail why plunging the nation $16 trillion into debt is wise fiscal policy.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about how you didn’t build that.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about how aborting babies in the ninth month of pregnancy is a popular mainstream position.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail why I support the Islamic extremists who have taken over Egypt.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about how selling guns to Mexican drug cartels is a good way to safeguard America.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail how I personally helped cause the housing crisis.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail how the grade I give myself for my first 4 years is an ‘Incomplete.’”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail how I promised high energy prices, then got what I wanted, then pretended it was bad news.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail why I recycle the exact same speeches and campaign promises I gave back in 2008, as if I had achieved nothing.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail as to why the entire Senate, including all Democrats, voted down my proposed budgets 99-0.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about why I can’t run on my record.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail what I really mean when I say the Constitution is a ‘living document.’”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail, but since the media covers for me every time, I don’t really ever need to go into detail anyway.”

(To be used in Biden speeches) “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about how they’re gonna put y’all back in chains.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about what ‘more flexibility after the elections’ means when translated into Russian.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about how Obamacare is a tax but it’s not a tax but now it’s a tax again.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about what’s in my college records.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail as to how everything my opponents say, do or think is racist.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about why you personally must pay for other people’s condoms.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail about all 57 states.”

• “If it weren’t so hot, I would go into detail as to how saying we will withdraw all troops from Afghanistan does not actually mean we will withdraw all of our troops.”

Now it’s your turn…

• “If it weren’t so hot, I’d go into detail…”

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