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The PJ Tatler

by
Leon de Winter

Bio

March 13, 2012 - 2:32 pm

Many people tried to figure out on what point President Obama decided to call Sandra Fluke, the woman Rush Limbaugh called ‘ a slut’. I have a source within the administration who has the transcripts of the conversations that took place in the Oval Room on March 2nd, the day the President called Ms. Fluke. He handed me copies of the transcripts.

I can testify these transcripts are genuine. Here is the key part: 

Advisor: Mr. President, it is time you make one of your famous ‘let me call a citizen’ call.

President: Sure. Anybody in particular?

Advisor: Maybe relatives of the people who died in the tornadoes? It has been hell from Illinois to Louisiana. Twisters in southern Indiana, southern Ohio, most of Kentucky, central Tennessee, northeastern Mississippi and northwestern Alabama.

President: Wow, that’s bad. Lots of folks died, I assume?

Advisor: Yes, Sir.

President: I guess they all love their guns and God? Didn’t help much in those tornadoes, did it? F**k ‘m.

Advisor: Yes, sir.

President: What else?

Advisor: Sir, today, students at Ohio’s Chardon High School will go back to school the first time after a gunman killed three teenagers in the school’s cafeteria.

President: Hate those things. Adolescent f**k ups. Ohio, you say?

Advisor: Yes, Sir.

President: Could be a candidate for a call. The school’s principal or so. More?

Advisor: Two of our troops in southern Afghanistan were killed yesterday, sir. Still a reaction to the burning of the Quran.

President: Should I call that s**thead Karzai again? I apologized didn’t I?

Advisor: Maybe you should call relatives of the troops, Sir.

President: Isn’t there a religious guy, a Taliban freakin’ s**thole or so, in Afghanistan that I can call directly? Maybe that will work.

Advisor: That is a good idea, Sir.

President: What’s more?

Advisor: Rush Limbaugh called a woman a slut, Sir.

President: He did WHAT?

Advisor: Sir – Rush Limbaugh – called – a woman – a – slut.

President: A SLUT! Are you kidding? He called a woman – a SLUT?

Advisor: Yes, Sir…

President: That’s unacceptable! Totally unacceptable! There is a guy on the radio who calls an American citizen a slut? I cannot believe that!

Advisor: It is absolutely true, Sir.

President: This is beyond… Rush Limbaugh calls a woman a slut… This is crossing all the lines… This guy is calling a person a slut…

Forget about those tornadoes and troops. Get me the woman on the phone! Right now!

I have the transcript here in my hand to prove it. This is how it went.  

 

Leon de Winter is a novelist and columnist for Elsevier Magazine in the Netherlands. His last novel, The Right of Return is a thriller set in Tel Aviv in 2024. He presently lives in Los Angeles.
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