Military Brass Institutes Flatulence (Tali)Ban: Mustn’t Offend Afghanis
Maybe it’s time to bring our troops home.
August 26, 2011 - 6:43 am
Military Times reports that Marines have been told “audible farting has been banned downrange because it offends the Afghans.” (Note: Downrange is military-speak for battle zone.)
Apparently, while Americans must be sensitive to Afghanis’ treating women like cattle as a cultural prerogative, natural bodily functions are not to be tolerated.
On the other hand, it looks like a capitalist opportunity for the defense vendor who develops technology that ensures SBDs.
The comments themselves are worth a read.
Update (Bryan): The Marine Corps should re-think this. Unilateral disarmament is no way to win a war.
Things must be going pretty well over there.
So Marines now have to excuse themselves from the war because they have the vapours? That’s nice. It’s taken 236 years, but they’re finally learning to conduct themselves like proper young ladies.
The Taliban will end up having what they want, not because they will win, but because we will lose.
Pathetic.
So it would be inappropriate for me to found an organization that sends donated cans of beans to the Marines in the ‘Stan?
Pity, that.
Must not have gone over well. The Military Times blog with the story has been removed from the website!!
I just clicked on the link I provided above, and the article remains on Military Times.
“… in their general direction.”
Next thing you know, they’ll ban drinkin’ and fornicatin’… Wait, they already did that! Enhance the stress, give no outlet for that stress, and then wonder why too many of us come back with PTSD.
I was reminded of the Bean Scene from Blazing Saddles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs
How about th e scene in “Last King of Scotland”, when Edi Amin has a bad belly ache lol
The Marine brass needs to read the writings of Benjamin Franklin – specifically “Fart Poundly”, readily available on line if they can’t find a copy inside the Beltway (an area that seems to have no shortage of producers of noxious gases). Maybe reading the writings of one of the Founding Fathers would hlep them understand just how ridiculous and effeminate this PC-guided directive sounds.
Oops…Make that Mr. Franklin’s “Fart Proudly”, not “Poundly”. Forgive me Ben, for misnaming one of your best collected writings.
Can be previewed at Google books.
http://books.google.com/books?id=Z8I3bAlV25kC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false
From the forward:
He that is conscious of
A Stink in his Breeches,
is jealous of every Wrinkle
in another’s Nose.
Sounds like a lot of prostiticians I have had the displeasure to write about.
OOHH, I am so thankful this was not in place during my years with the US Army.
Given the diet I would have surely received a ‘Stinky Discharge’!
how is anyone supposed to know beforehand if their fart will make a noise?
Hey, Taliban–I fart in your general direction!!!
The Afghanis my find SBDs far more offensive then the sound of a bit of butt trumpeting. As we all know, whenya hold them in its far more deadly LOL
There’s a funny story in the Arabian Nights entitled “The Day Abu Hassan Farted.”