Hillary Clinton, I insist that you have me arrested. I am thinking of making a movie about Mohammed.
I don’t want to brag, but as a film professional with an Academy Award nomination in screenwriting, I may do a better job than Nakoula Basseley Nakoula, alleged creator of the Innocence of Muslims.
But I have to admit one thing. Hopeless and inept as Nakoula may be as a filmmaker, I agree with the intentions of his movie. I too have a serious problem with Islam because I happen to abhor misogyny and homophobia, both mainstays of that faith. And, like most Americans, I prefer freedom of religion to jihad, Sharia law, and a global caliphate.
Don’t let me criticize any of that.
I also happen to agree with Nakoula that making a movie about a faith whose prophet married a six year old and deflowered her at nine is of thematic and dramatic relevance. As a father, I am seriously concerned about child abuse, as is most of our film-going public, I would imagine.
Indeed, the beginnings of Islam are the very stuff of great theatre and cinema, reprehensible as the actions of the protagonist may be. In fact, it may be great because of those actions. After all, Richard III is not a classic for nothing.
So I am very tempted by the subject of Mohammed.
Arrest me, Hillary Clinton, before I start. Call Eric Holder!
And while you are at it, tell him to round up Salman Rushdie. His novel about Mohammed is obviously blasphemous. He was lucky to escape that fatwa. We should have one of our own.
And arrest those Danish cartoonists too – ink-stained wretches!
Arrest everyone who dares to criticize a religion that wants to take the world back to the seventh century. After all, you’re a “progressive.” You’re on the side of human rights.
And make us apologize for our work, too. We didn’t mean a word we said. I’m sure the thoughtful folks in the Arab Street will accept our apologies and return to their peaceful, meditative lives.
But most of all, arrest me because I might even make things worse.
My film is likely to be inspired by a fascinating lecture I heard by the very Rushdie during which the novelist, who read Islamic history at Cambridge, explained the origins of that faith. He said it began with Mohammed’s ruthless and violent battle with the mother cults that then controlled Medina over local trade routes. It was about money then, but, as I will show in my movie, that war evolved into a kind of perpetual “War on Women” that has been waged by Islam since.
Interesting, huh? Good cinema. Action, adventure, sex (matriarchy vs. ultra-patriarchy), even a little meaty conversation like Lawrence of Arabia.
Don’t let me do it. There’s only one “War on Women” and you know it — the one your fellow Democrats ascribe to Mitt Romney and company. I wouldn’t want to undermine that.
So stop me, Hillary, before I write. The Bill of Rights is a fusty old document anyway, obviously subject to revision by an UN-approved committee of trans-global multi-culturalists.
Censor me all you want. I’m ready. I don’t want to cause any international incidents. I have enough sleepless nights as is.
But you will excuse me if, in the process, I think of you as the deepest of reactionaries. I knew you were a big time liar when you blamed the “right-wing conspiracy” for your husband’s obvious serial adultery. That was nothing compared to this, however. By blaming filmmakers, even the most amateurish ones, for the murderous actions of fanatical Islamists, you have placed yourself in complete opposition to everything our country ever stood for and to the essence of the U.S. Constitution.
ADDENDUM: For an insight to the degree to which our State Department has lied to us and to themselves about the situation in the Middle East, go here. Any Jews who now vote for Obama are “useful idiots” beyond anything ever conceived by Lenin.