Further those “Christian” Tomatoes
The hilarity never stops among those lovable jihadists. When they’re not trying to calculate exactly how thick a stick you may use to beat your wife (all the best authorities seem to concur that it’s about the thickness of your thumb), they’re pouring through the vegetable kingdom in order to discover cruciferous foods that they can then ban. (Interesting, is it not, that a Google search for the allowable thickness of the stick with which to beat your wife brought up 122,000,000 “hits,” so to speak; clearly it is a matter of concern among the followers of the Religion of Peace.)
Regular readers will recall that just the other day I reported in this space on the unhappy fate of the noble tomato. Slice it down the middle and, lo! there you’ll find a delectable cross shaped structure holding in the luscious fruit. But wait just a second, Mohammed, that tomato, containing in its inmost heart the shape of a cross, may be the work of the devil! So hands off.
I reported this in general terms the other day. It is one of the benefits of being at The New Criterion that we attract the very highest quality intern. One of our current crop, a student at Yale, is Nicholas Aubin, and, seeing my post, he helpfully provided this translation of the Arabic script:
It is a sin to eat the tomato, because it is Christian and it praises the Cross instead of Allah, and bears witness to the fact that Allah is one third of the Trinity. God Forbid…. Swear by Allah that you will spread the news of this, because there is a Sister from Palestine who saw the Prophet Muhammad in a vision, and he called out a warning of death to those who eat of it.
Don’t say you weren’t warned!
But don’t Muslims claim that Jesus was a prophet?
Yes, Jesus is one of their prophets but they deny the crucifixion, that he died on the cross so fish imagery is ok with muslims but cross imagery they view as something of a provocation. So if you see ME christians with crosses out, that’s a braver action than americans would normally associate with the action. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
– plant some Red Crusader Cross ones today.
By flipping the dogma, we deduce that true Christians MUST EAT TOMATOES. And ONLY good Christians may eat tomatoes. And that professing Christians who break out in a rash when eating tomatoes must be BURNED AT THE STAKE.
And since Wikipedia informs me that 150 million tons are produced annually, and there are an estimated 2.1 billion professing Christians, EVERY GOOD CHRISTIAN MUST EAT 142.86 pounds of tomatoes per year.
How will the Faithful prevent this travesty? By fatwa against tomato growers! By sharia law which declares that catsup manufactures must narrow their bottlenecks by two-thirds.
Or is this actually just the spokes of Charles Xavier’s wheelechair?
Oh, for the Love of Life Orchestra. If Allah is the one true G-d Who made all things, the tomato is exactly according to spec. To quote from the famous play, “Figure somebody pulled off another Creation somewhere, over in the next county?”
The confusion here is that “Islamists” are not really monotheists, they are polytheists. Hence the war cry of Allahu {notice the hu invoking the Hubal, or Moon God of the pre-Islamic Arabs} Akbar, not meaning “great”, but rather greater. Hence “Our God, Allah, is greater than your God”. See WikiIslam for more on this. If they truly believed there was only one God, called “Ilah” in Arabic, they would not be offended by people using other names for God. But in a world of many gods, Our God Can Beat Up Your God, is a natural response. Furthermore, Ilah is a nonmaterial God. Unlike the Judeo-Christian God Jehovah, who created the world and then walked in the Garden with Adam and Eve, and spoke directly to Moses and many of the Prophets. Ilah is wholly distant and uninvolved in the material world. Thus an Islamist doesn’t think in terms of “God created the World”, much less the tomato. I had to laugh about the remark that anyone who eats the tomato will die. As Comatus notes above, the tomato arrived in the ME a mere 200 years ago, yet everyone who lived there before then died. So yes, if you eat tomatoes, you will die. And if you don’t eat tomatoes, you will die.
Because of the shape of the cross in the tomato in the picture above, some scholars would refer to it as a Greek cross. The Greek cross has four equal arms. This shape of the Greek cross predates Christianity and is found in several cultures.
The Cross on which Jesus was crucified is usually referred to as a Latin cross. One side of that cross is longer than the others. Christians did not invent this kind of cross.
I suggest that our Muslim friends examine more tomatoes and read a little history.
Onward, Christian tomato …
But when I cut the tomato yesterday, it was kind of mushy inside. Is that a New Age tomato?
You’d think that a Muslim who says that the tomato has theological meaning would have to be stoned to death. After all, the tomato is part of Allah’s creation, and to suggest that Allah would put the symbol of another religion into a vegetable is to question the true religion of Islam.
I worked in Saudi Arabia in the ’80s. If a Saudi and an expat got into a car wreck, it was automatically the expat’s fault, because the wreck could not have occurred if the expat hadn’t been there.
But Allah must’ve wanted that expat there, right? So it’s either Allah’s will (and not the expat’s fault) or Allah ain’t in control.
In other Islamic news, women are not allowed to handle bananas and cucumbers: http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2011/12/islamic-cleric-bans-women-from-handling-bananas-cucumbers-other-phallic-produce/
But it’s just a couple of lines running across the diameter of the round fruit. The shape is a consequence of what it means to support two sides of a sphere.
Any time lines cross, it’s gonna make a cross shape of some kind. I’m sure every modern Mosque has many crosses in its structure. I’m sure the letter T is used by most European and American Muslims at some point. I’m sure the roads to Mecca form crosses many times. Scales of justice, cranes, window panes, etc etc.
It’s just what happens when two lines intersect. The crucifix was not designed with meaning, but instead to kill people with two wooden boards that run across eachother, naturally crossing.
And as mentioned before, Jesus is holy in the Muslim faith. They do not dispute that he was crucified for his service to God, but that he was the Son of God or God himself. Refusing to eat something with a cross shape in it is pretty intolerant. Kinda insecure, really.
If the muslims regard Jesus as holy and working for God why do they hate christians so much and call them unbelievers ? and convert them by sword or death if we share the same beliefs. I think they follow another and just use that claim of jesus to gain entry to new lands.
Of course, this whole controversy is made even more amusing by a couple of facts:
1) The tomato is native to Mexico, and was introduced to Europe by the Spanish after 1500. It was unknown in the Old World before then.
2) The Aztecs, who grew lots of tomatoes, certainly weren’t Christians.
So all the tomatoes I’m growing in containers on my deck are haram. Good to know. I suspect it will make them taste sweeter.
Almost all of the people who died in the USA last year had eaten tomatoes or a sauce from tomatoes.
Oddly enough, *every single one of them* breathed air, too.
And certainly imbibed Dihydrogen Monoxide, too.
Has any plant been so reviled? The Hebrew name is a cognate of the word for syphilis. And it’s poisonous, you know. Also, native to the Americas. What’s not to hate?
The tomato arrived in the ME less than 200 years ago. That cross is probably some kind of Inca yin-yang symbolizing the division of the universe into positive and negative energies. And at its core is, doubtless, a Higgs boson.
There are many, many reasons to disdain Islam as it is practiced today by backwards and explosive types, but perhaps the existence of many thousands of hits regarding the “rule of thumb,” which supposedly derives from the maximum thickness of a stick for wife-beating, is not one of them. This hoary etymology legend doubtless accounts for many of these hits.
http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=95;t=000001;p=0
Italian plum tomatoes have, at the most, two interior lobes maintaining the shape of the fruit. Beefsteak or Big Boys have multiple lobes, frequently forming no clear structural pattern. Cherry or grape tomatoes, of which I’m putting a whole bunch in the spaghetti sauce I’m making tonight, have not much at all inside. What stupid, brutal, overgrown, lethal children comprise this wretched, loathsome, under-brained, second-class culture. It’s just a damned berry, you Muslim mooks.
Oops, that’s not telling them anything new. It is a berry of the damned.
For some reason, I really want to get a couple of tomatoes, a salt shaker, and a beer right now.
In other news: Christians ban crescent rolls! (I always knew that little dough boy was up to no good.)
From what I’ve heard, the Christians INVENTED the crescent roll. Supposedly it dates from the late 17th century, when the Turks failed to take Vienna, and the Viennese celebrated by …making all those lovely crescent rolls and gobbling ‘em up
Weren’t we once told to avoid tomatoes because they were thought to be poisonous?
Apparently, some still are…
Tomatoes have been Christian for quite some time now:
http://www.veggietales.com/characterpage/bob/
What’s next lettuce?……Because that will throw the BLT on their hot list for evil sandwiches.
So silly.
First of all, many (if not most) of the commercial cultivars of tomato don’t have four seed compartments. They have three, six, or some other number. So no matter how you slice them, you won’t end up with the evil cross shape.
And even with the diabolical Christianist tomatoes, all you have to do is cut them lengthwise instead of “crosswise” and you should be able to satisfy even the most fanatical Wahabbist.
Just stay away from the Roma tomatoes… Hey “Roma”…Roma = Rome! It’s the Papist plot! but then again isn’t everything
Three seed containers = triune tomato = christian
Four seed containers = cruciform tomato = christian
Six seed containers = hexagram tomato = jewish
Any way you slice it, a judeo-christian fruit….
The standard “logo” on an outhouse door is a crescent.
Just sayin’.
Well, now, this all makes sense.
Many Christians in the strict Prohibitionist crowd have some trouble with various references to wine in the Bible, especially as they relate to the ministry of Jesus.
Clearly, Jesus didn’t turn water into wine; he turned water into tomato juice. The guests were already drunk, so they couldn’t tell the difference. At the Last Supper, they drank tomato juice, not wine. I mean, just think about it: if you are going to pour some potable liquid into a glass and say “This is my blood”, wouldn’t you use thick, red tomato juice?
They probably did drink wine at the Penultimate Supper.
I don’t disagree with the thrust of this post, but the ‘how many hits something gets on Google’ is a completely meaningless barometer of anything.
For example, if I type ‘Roger Kimball space alien’ in google I get over 7 million hits…ergo you must be a space alien, or many people must think so.
Why don’t they just slice them sideways?
I thought cabbage, broccoli, kale, mustard, turnips, etc. were the cruciferous vegetables. Now it’s tomatoes too?
I’m going to start putting tomatoes on my pulled-pork sandwiches.
Have to point out one thing.
The reason you find some many hits about the thickness of sticks and beating women is that it is a common trope the feminists use when discussing the horrible patriarchal oligarchy that has been Western Civilization.
Which leads me to wonder, horrible though the jihadists stance on treatment of woman is, if there is something of a false meme on this too. Not saying it IS wrong, but I would check my sources on that if I were you.
Comatus,
Funny, brilliant response! go to the head of the class. Thanks for the laugh and big smile your post brought to my face.
That just makes my BLT that much tastier!
“I suggest that our Muslim friends examine more tomatoes and read a little history.” Regrettably, they’re not the least bit interested in learning history, or anything else, for that matter. As “true believers,” the salafists believe that everything they need to know is already in the Koran. They just need some higher authority/imam to tell them what to do. Think for themselves? That is strictly haram!
So if your wife makes a salad with tomatoes and cucumbers do you get to beat her with a bigger stick?
…they’re pouring through the vegetable kingdom…
Rain can be pouring; the word you wanted was poring.
Someone needs a copy of http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html
Specifically http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html#p
Well, I’ll just cut through the cleverness and the sarcasm, of which I have an abundant supply. The fact is that Islam is either wholesale massive historical delusion or straight out Satan worship. Allah is Satan. We don’t need them here in this country. Let’s drop the pretense that our liberal tolerance is in any way enhanced by making concessions to the diseased minds and enslaved souls of the pitiful followers of Muhammad (if there was ever even such a person as that, which I’m not very confident of).
What enemies of America have convinced our academics, our media, our political elite that we are somehow well served by the pretense that this global lie has any merit whatsoever.
Yes, Muslims don’t eat the tomato because the acid in the tomato and the cross was put there by Christians and will kill you!
Have they tried cherry tomatoes?
Do these genius muslims use a “+” plus sign?
I’ll bet the NASA leader charged by Obama with the primary task of “muslim outreach” found this to be a real problem.
Hopefully the muslims are basking in their NASA-financed self-esteem because of their many important contributions to science and mathematics.
These guys really are nuts. So now we have a blasphemous vegitable (or are tomatoes fruit?). Didn’t they declare some kind of zukini blasphemous too, because it was shaped like a male organ. As one person also stated, isn’t a cross formed every time you have an intersection of any 2 perpendicular lines. I guess they will ban the lettet T as well, unless you put a curve at the bottom, to get rid of the crossness. What happens if you have a building with a verticle collumn, and a crossbeam, do you then have a blasphemous building?
I wonder if they avoid tomato sauce as well, being much more insidious with the crosses hidden in the sauce!
I haven’t laughed so much for days!!! Thanks guys.
A couple of months ago, I got a tomato slice in a salad that was shaped like a peace symbol. Must have been organically grown…
In Egypt the latest food fatwa is against the eating of frog’s legs.
Apparently when frogs croak they sound just like Muslims giving praise to their god.
Who knew?
Personally, I think this is all a sham to keep more variety of foods out of the hands of the rabble and into the larders of the kleptocrats.
I guess this means that a good Muslim wouldn’t ever get to enjoy a bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich.
Tomatoes?
Wait till the jihadis find out there’s a
constellation called the SOuthern cross.
Will they then use the nukes that Iran hasn’t got, honest,
and the missiles that Pakistan says aren’t ready, honest
to try and shoot down the infidel stars?
Will they abandon housing as buildings are built using crosses to support the structure, and a car has a tailshaft and axles which create 2 crosses so will they walk or ride donkeys.
Note that the bottom line (yellow background) in the picture was not translated. For the sake of completeness, here’s what it says:
“If you do not spread this news, know that it was Satan himself that prevented you from doing so.” (In other words, you are being manipulated by the Devil).