Maybe you take two spots up front near the Best Buy. Or refuse to cede the left lane. Or tailgate, then slow down when we get out of your way.
You, sir, are a terrible driver. And for that, you’re going straight to Hell. We’re not guessing here, we’re just taking the word of every driver in a mile-wide radius around you at any given moment.
Your day of reckoning is coming, but unfortunately for the rest of the netherworld, you’re probably still going to qualify for a driver’s license down there. (Hell is apparently a lot like Florida, minus the wacky elections.) But what are you going to drive? It’d take forever to get your current wheels past their crazy-strict emissions tests.
No need. Hell has its own fleet of cars, and you get one assigned to you. Because it’s Hell, they’re matched to your particular driving sins here on earth. So don’t act surprised when you cross the river Styx, only to see one of these fresh horrors parked in your reserved spot.
This is the introduction to a great article, “The Nine Cars You’ll Drive in Hell,” published by Motor Authority.
After reading, laughing, and shaking my head “yes” to most of the article, I knew I had to explain Washington D.C.’s own, special circle in “car hell.” D.C. is notorious for its bad drivers. The natives are aggressive, the visitors clueless and unprepared, and the roads are always under construction. It’s a bad mix. If there are nine cars that are driven in Hell, then there is definitely a special circle reserved for some of D.C.’s worst drivers–and their stereotypical vehicle-weapon of choice. Here’s the short guide…