‘I’ve Studied Liberals Like Jane Goodall Studies her Chimps.’
So says Mike Gallagher in his new book 50 Things Liberals Love to Hate. I picked up the book and started reading after taking a look at the inside cover that stated “America, how does the liberal hate thee. Let me count the ways….”
Gallagher says that liberals love to hate things most Americans love, and “spend the rest of their lives endlessly trying to take those things away from us. And they are convinced they do it all because they love us.” I had to laugh when I read about the disdain that Gallagher says liberals feel for:
McDonalds: The stranger in the playground handing out candy to children.
Football: War with cleats
The V-8 Engine: There’s just something plain wrong about all that power and freedom under the control of one person.
The book has a chapter on why liberals hate girls that is rather funny, if not downright sad. Gallagher discusses that though girls are doing better in academic pursuits, they are psychologically, “a mess.” This is a partly a result of being told by liberals that half the time they are superwomen, and the other half, they are told they are victims who are “rape targets and oppressed minorities who are one spiked drink away from being ravaged by the Duke lacrosse team.. It’s no wonder the typical American girl wants to lose herself in junk food, Paxil, and the Twilight novels.”
The book has an interesting take on how liberals see the world and have changed the culture in ways that leave many groups of Americans feeling simultaneously self-entitled, yet worse off in many ways.
“The V-8 Engine: There’s just something plain wrong about all that power and freedom under the control of one person.”
Not to be confused with the private jet or the chaufeurred limousine or the 40 room Hollywood or Hampton palace, which, for liberals, is their just reward for being superior to the rest of America.
Oh, well, if you’re going to bring THAT up, Bush was stupid, and he LIED!!!!
Besides, that would be hypocracy, and that sounds like hippo-cracy, and hippos are alot like elephants, and that can only mean RethugliKKKans, so liberal dems CAN’T BE hypocrites!
You RethugliKKKans are SO STUPID!!!!!
(It would be funnier if it weren’t so accurate a portrayal)
You are confused, son.
There is no such thing as a liberal Democrat, not at the party ruling level. There is only the need to take power or preserve power taken. The rest of it is the trappings the Democrat leadership dresses the apparatus in.
Jim Crow? Democrats. Segregation? Democrats. Slavery? Democrats. Rigid class awareness? Democrats.
I could go on, but that’s why they invented history books and the google.
The rest of you poor sods are just tools, and your function is to serve your masters. Yes. You actually have masters.
No he ain’t. Just hasn’t mastered the subtleties of writing satire yet.
Needs more practice.
It’s not the V-8 they hate but rather that it is available to just everybody. I can’t explain it better than the excerpt below from ‘The Big Change:America Transforms Itself, 1900-1950′ by Frederick Allen Lewis;
“Similarly the American who has been humbled by poverty, or by his insignificance in the business order, or by his racial status, or by any other circumstance that might demean him in his own eyes, gains a sense of authority when he slides behind the wheel of an automobile and it leaps forward at his bidding, ready to take him wherever he may personally please. ”
Progressive, the early type, transformed America often for the better but only because those evil capitalists like Henry Ford introduced a strain of freedom and liberty with their innovations. Modern Progressives cannot abide this.
I once had a discussion of whether people really “Needed” powerful motors in cars and how they enable passing safely on two lane highways and merging in freeway traffic with a Liberal friend. This is the distilled version of a longer, alcohol muddled discussion at a barbecue.
Me: You need to have enough surplus power to be able to get around a slow car quickly or to get up to speed quickly on an uphill ramp that dumps you into 65 MPH traffic. A car with insufficient power is just less safe during those maneuvers.
LF: But isn’t that really just a form of symbolic male aggression and dominance. You should grow up. (And this was a male.)
One of those moments where it became clear to me that they live on some other planet. That the world they occupy is made up of symbolic statements rather than objective facts. That the purpose of life for them is to be more holy than their neighbors.
Had a similar discussion with liberals who found out I’ve served in the armed forces. Puzzled look of disbelief at why someone would do such a thing, coupled with contempt for being, no doubt, a murderous baby-killer or something.
To clarify, by “found out” doesn’t mean I hid this fact from them in shame, but simply that (like most veterans) I just don’t talk about my service a lot.
well…. you coulda said at least you killed them face to face and not ambush them with a suction pump……’>………
Happened to be at a party with a bunch of university types, also lib Protestants.
Somehow the talk got to dating or something, so I said, “My sister–the youngest of us–always said her dating life eased up considerably when my brother and I enlisted.”
“Enlisted!” snorted a woman. Professor.
Mission accomplished,lady. You outed yourself.
Couldn’t agree more. I had a small Honda once that couldn’t pass a truck on a two lane road. Loved the gas mileage of that car (50 mpg on the highway) but would have loved to have a bigger engine at that moment
Your first mistake was having a liberal friend. Dems are liars, cheats, thieves and would-be mass murderers. They’re not to be trusted because for them there is no such thing as objective truth. They have only situational ethics and if the situation warranted it, your “friend” would sell you out in a heartbeat.
For me, anyone who openly admits to being a Dem is bluntly stating that they have neither morals nor scruples. Not only do I not befriend such people, I will not hire them or do business of any kind with them. They have made it impossible to mistake their hatred for my race, my gender, my sexual orientation and my political philosophy. I absolutely refuse to be party to anything that benefits them if I can possibly help it.
The old saying used to be that “conservatives think liberals are stupid while liberals think conservatives are evil.” Well, this is one conservative who knows very well that liberals are evil, not to be trusted one iota, and must be furiously resisted at every level. They WILL destroy this nation if it continues following their redistributionist, racist and homosexual-pandering policies. They’ve made a fine head start on it already. Liberals are not your friends and the sooner you start acting on that knowledge, the safer you and your family will be.
You got that right!
I’ve had plenty of liberal friends over the course of my life, and still do. They make quite good friends. But most of my liberal friends are not of the strident, OWS post-modernist hippie sort, but liberal in an unthinking, apolitical kind of way. They’re liberal because that’s the default religion of America. Liberals are, after, the “nice” people, the “caring” people, the ones who want all the good things to happen to all people, all the time, and who doesn’t want to be nice??? Conservatives are those stupid, evil Jesus-people who want to stone to death anyone who doesn’t look like them. They’re liberal because liberalism doesn’t take too much thought. I have encountered a few of the more strident ones over the years, too, and they annoy the heck out of me. I snipe at them on Facebook every now and then because they say such idiotic things. My brother is one of them, a Ph.D. in Engineering and ex-military no less, but somewhere along the way, he shut off his common sense if not his brain. (Too much education, IMHO, and a liberal wife.) Anyway, these liberal friends of mine are not bad people, and they’ll still be friends of even though they and millions like them are going to vote this country right off the cliff because they’re too lazy to apply truly analytical thought to anything.
It’s not just that it doesn’t take much thinking to be a modern liberal democrat, but also that everything we’re bombarded with in today’s society shows liberals in a positive light and conservatives in a negative light. Just watch most TV shows or movies and you will see how the underlying message is “democrat/liberal good, republican/conservative bad”.
Here, here Mac, a republican after my own heart. Until we stop tolerating their stupid behavior they will continue to exist. The old saw, “don’t talk about politics” comes right out of the communist playbook. If we talk about politics they will find out we are liberals and they won’t include us. Exactly, that’s why I talk politics every chance I get. I want to know whose pretending to be my friend, because they are not. Just love those people who say I’m registered democrat but I vote republican. What a joke, these people don’t have the guts to stand up and be counted. I think we should get back to shunning, if we did all this BS would stop and so would the slacker behavior.
Come to think of it, I have a liberal friend who has owed me 60 bucks for over a year. He has two houses and a boat.
Absolutely right. Unfortunately, I don’t think conservatives will ever understand how evil liberals are. They will never get it. They will go to their graves thinking people who hate their guts and want then to die a slow, painful death are their “friends”.
Your mistake was trying to rationalize a huge engine. The only necessary rationale to give is “because I want one.” That’s what separates, and elevates, Americans above all others.
That’s crazy talk! You’re sounding like an Ayn Rand fan.
Well said, Jim!
One slight modification:
The only necessary rationale to give is “because I want one.”
…and I can afford one, and it’s my money.
In other words: go save the planet with your own money, friend. My money and I aren’t convinced that the planet needs saving.
“LF: But isn’t that really just a form of symbolic male aggression and dominance. You should grow up. (And this was a male.)”
You should have had your wife punch him at that point.
@Armando:
“You should have had your wife punch him at that point.”
Na, why ruin a perfectly good barbeque because Liberals are twits? Besides, it is best to get along with your neighbors.
It was a highly illuminating point. I am a major car geek and I had tried to explain how the physics of it worked and was treating a spiritual pose as if it mere question of force, drag, and mass. It had all started when for some reason he had said that they should limit all cars to 50 HP because that was more than enough to go over the speed limit in any sensible sized car and I foolishly answered using language he couldn’t grasp, you know, facts and logic.
It helped me to understand that piety is the actual goal of Liberal posturing. (This was many years ago.)
And it was massively funny.
“One of those moments where it became clear to me that they live on some other planet. That the world they occupy is made up of symbolic statements rather than objective facts.”
I have actually had an argument with my sister in law in which she, an emergency room nurse, insisted that classroom teachers had as hard or harder jobs than she has. It’s not a big-city hospital, but they’re not big-city schools either.
Just what was that all about?
Look, it’s really rather simple. Liberals are all about the pursuit of the biggest, most earth-shattering orgasm possible and are against anything they suspect might stand in their way. One wonders why they don’t go ahead and stick the right sort of electrode in their head and get it over with. Conservatives know that other things are more important.
And a comparison of our notes indicates that the chimps spend less time flinging feces.
Chimps are generally more intelligent than liberals, too.
LOlrOF Oh, that was well done!!!
Definitely.
(Where’s the “like” button around here?)
Chimps probably smell better, too.
where is the comic balloon with HALLIBURTON inside atop the photo of the chimp and goodall?
for this comparison to work gallagher needs to be accepted by the chimps by adopting their mannerisms and behaviour
perhaps he needs to attend an ows event and pick the lice and grubs off of the bodies of some infested primates there
*gallagher needs to be accepted by the libs…
Funny, I didn’t notice the mistake until you pointed it out.
As the professor said, it’s a difference without a distinction.
Jane Goodall’s study of chimpanzee behavior was pioneering. It was based on Niko Tinburgen’s premise that an animal cannot be separated from its habitat. Any behavior observed in a zoo or a laboratory will tell you nothing about how the animal behaves in its natural environment. The species is the habitat.
So Goodall had to go out into the wild and observe chimpanzees in their natural environment. Of course, that begs the question, somewhat like the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle, that the simple act of being there and observing changes the environment. It took Goodall years before the chimps accepted her as part of their habitat. And who’s to say whether that changed their behavior or not? We have no way of knowing.
Of course, the experience over decades drove her completely mad. I remember when she appeared before Congress to deliver a message from the chimpanzees, which was basically a series of barks, howls and screams.
I enrolled in a course on primate behavior at UT Austin once, only to drop it. Turned out that there was this primate lab, with a bunch of monkey in cages, on the outskirts of town. The professor expected me to sit there for hours on end and take notes every time a monkey masturbated. Like I don’t have a lot better things to do with my time, and what exactly is a monkey masturbating in a cage going to tell me about primate behavior? Other than that putting a monkey in a cage causes him to masturbate.
I suppose the same is true of leftists. You have to infiltrate them unnoticed and observe them in their natural environment. And what will you find? A bunch of monkeys masturbating in mental cages.
Some people pay good money for that kind of treatment.
(Usually, they’re liberals).
“I remember when she appeared before Congress to deliver a message from the chimpanzees, which was basically a series of barks, howls and screams.”
Brought tears to Ted Kennedy’s eyes, though.
I agree on American girls. I’ve seen this in my kids’ classmates ALL the way from kindergarten, and watched those poor girls get more and more messed up every year. It was hard parenting boys in today’s USA, but thank heavens I had no girls.
So instead you will have daughters-in-law.
Marcus Tullius Cicero the Roman scholar, philosopher, orator, and statesman wrote letters, many of which have amazingly survived over 2000+ years.
In one he recommended to his son(!) that he marry, because noone would trust him as a man unless he married, and then divorce quickly before his wife could betray him. After that he could slake his lusts with his slaves, as was necessary.
And when it was time to think about the future, he should adopt a promising young man as his heir. That way he would at least know what he was getting.
That brilliant man was executed by Mark Anthony.
Tacitus said about a similar liberal episode (in the morally permissive, not political, sense) during the 1st century Roman Empire: all this non-judgmentalism and doing-your-own-thing social climate only led to “men without chests [i.e., courage] and women without shame”. Anybody watching Bill Maher and Sandra Fluke would agree.
Or, watching the way liberals are contemptous of the US armed forces and those who serve in them, I am reminded of what Epictetus said: “the brave man is called a fool — by the coward.”
I think you have much to learn about us liberal chimps. The feeling of freedom does not come from the v8. A v4 that is faster….is much better. Good luck with your research.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-R7ws741KpE
‘I’ve Studied Liberals Like Jane Goodall Studies her Chimps.’
That’s one of the most apt similes I’ve seen in years.
Although it is a bit harsh on chimpanzees.
Love this comparison ….and the quotes from the book…. will read it for sure.
OMG… I love some of the comments here. I’m sitting here laughing out loud all by myself!!! Thanks for the levity people, needed it.
Not all young girls are messed up.
Just took my daughter in to register to vote since she’ll be 18 before election day. She registered Republican.
Mass every Sunday (my wife’s doing), and clear consistent messages from both her parents, and 3 older brothers, all contributed.
Hilton Kramer, brilliant art critic, knew the breed as well.
Hilton Kramer on Communists
“It is in the nature of Stalinism for its adherents to make a certain kind of lying — and not only to others, but first of all to themselves — a fundamental part of their lives.
“It is always a mistake to assume that Stalinists do not know the truth about the political reality they espouse. If they don’t know the truth (or all of it) one day, they know it the next, and it makes absolutely no difference to them politically.
For their loyalty is to something other than the truth. And no historical enormity is so great, no personal humiliation or betrayal so extreme, no crime so heinous, that it cannot be assimilated into the “ideals” that govern the true Stalinist mind, which is impervious alike to documentary evidence and moral discrimination.”
For their loyalty is to something other than the truth. . . .
Liberals don’t like native America sports logos; they bark at them like dogs bark at strangers. One wonders when the final offensive will be launched at the Washington Redskins.
Liberals don’t like a world without racism. That’s why they go through so much trouble to keep it alive today and have even changed history to show it was one big race war. If you actually aren’t a racist (white’s only) you get nailed with white privilege.
Liberals don’t like peace. Go into a YWCA or community college and the bulletin board will make you think you’ve stepped into the siege of Sarajevo. Even the 18 day revolution in Egypt had less chatter about the 18 day revolution in Egypt than the average Y does about women’s and transgender rights.
Liberals don’t like Occam’s Razor. To a liberal any event is caused by the least obvious thing they can think of even though they can’t actually express it or show it logically – the connection is there as long as it is tenous.
Liberals plain don’t like white people. They see whites as at once the most evil and luckiest group of people who ever lived, and that goes quadruple for white men.
Liberals don’t like success: create a country like Israel against terrible odds and with the help of no one and a liberal will pin-cushion them mercilessly. To a liberal, Cortes is the paradigm of failure and liberals probably have written a book about the East Indian Company about how not what to do.
Liberals hate the idea of a meritocracy. See: evil, lucky white men.
Liberals don’t like the least disagreement with whatever gays say is a civil rights issue except for Muslims who are unevil and unlucky enough to be unsuccessful enough to fall under a special liberal waiver.
Liberals don’t like Earth, Wind, Fire and Water because they remind them of reality.
Think you nailed it, FB……. these are a people that like constant war and conflict and despise peace, compromise and rational settlement of dispute. It’s all about the agon with them, the crushing of one people and the replacement of them with another. These people think tribally. They also realise they cannot achieve their ends through main force so they resort to subterfuge and sapper techniques. Quite basic, actually……….
Tell your liberal friends that “Redskins” is a coded reference to the Communist party. They will be fans for life.
That is nothing. I had a liberal friend for 50 years, only to discover that he is a chimp!
An apt comparison would be the Borg from Star Trek, no particular reason for them to conquer the universe they just have to do it, same with liberals, they have this inane desire to make us all part of the ‘collective’ they don’t even know why, you ask them and all they can do is trot out the communist mantra full of rhetoric using trigger words like fairness, redistribution blah blah blah…
Liberals dontl like american logos, dogs,cats,whales,,chimps,humans with two legs and peanut butter….
Liberals are not inspired by American (liberal) political philosophy!
Come on!
Gimme a break!
The effect of conflicting messages on children can lead to extreme behavioral problems. I’ve seen this done to both girls and boys. Probably the most extreme is what has happened in China due to the one child per family law.
http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/narcissistic-types-chinese-women.htm
The anthropoids who run the schools these days have ruined education.
None of you people get it.
Don’t call them ‘liberals’. By doing so, you are ceding half the battle to them. They are not liberal. They are illiberal, rigid, and intolerant.
Call them ‘leftists’.
As long as the right calls them ‘liberals’, the leftists are winning.
The political model of “left vs. right” is a hopelessly flawed one. The extremes are not opposite and the placing of fascists/socialists/communists/anarchists all over the map is just ridiculous. Calling them leftists also lets them win because they’ve already defined that through TV, movies, and school as something that is cool, smart, and moral.
A much better model is one based on amount of govt, with no govt on one side (anarchy) and total govt on the other side (totalitarian). When you have this model, you see that today’s modern liberal democrat is a big govt “statist” (not necessarily socialist or communist, but definitely right next to them). That is what you should call them because that’s what they are. And being a statist is not cool, smart, or moral.
“Liberals plain don’t like white people. They see whites as at once the most evil and luckiest group of people who ever lived, and that goes quadruple for white men.”
Except for them.
Liberals are like chimps??? OOooooooh, dat’s WAAAAACIST!
Re: AGW and the watermelon lefties (green on the outside, red on the inside). I do like to ask my lefty friends, “So tell me, what IS the ideal temperature of the Earth?” They then seem to dissimulate and unravel like Rumplestiltskin.