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7 Laws for Public Decency When I Rule the World

Muffin-tops, butt-cheeks and bike shorts, oh my!

by
Megan Fox

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May 25, 2012 - 9:00 am
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Last week John Hawkins wrote about 5 Behaviors That Make You Trash. Right on! I’d like to go a few steps further and expand on the subject of public decency. There was a time in this country where public decency laws were actually enforced. It’s time to bring that back. The consequences for committing any of the following crimes in my world would result in hard labor in Sheriff Arpaio’s tent city.

7. Bike shorts are not interchangeable with actual shorts.

As if it’s not bad enough to wear bike shorts to the grocery store, this guy’s spandex had a hole the size of a CD on his left inner thigh. He didn’t notice that there was a breeze around the man-meat? Or notice the chaffing when he pedaled his bike around town? Really? I assure you that hole in the thigh area was at least 4 inches in diameter. I tried multiple times to get a better shot but was a little afraid I’d get caught. If you look closely, you’ll see skin on the left upper thigh peeking out. We all hope it’s just leg skin.

Bike shorts are the equivalent of a Speedo at the beach. Most people don’t want to see the contours of the male form hugged tightly by spandex while they’re buying eggs (or at any other time).

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