The ‘Cult’ of Attachment Parenting?
From the discussion on Elisabeth Badinter’s controversial new book The Conflict at Slate:
Badinter places the guilt over breast-feeding into a larger cultural and historical context. Modern women have given themselves over to the cult of what she calls “ecological parenting.” It’s not just breast-feeding on demand, but the fad for doulas and natural childbirth and our horror of epidurals and formula. Many of us do not fall for all these trends, and we may even make fun of them, but they are in fact our current ideals—the markers of perfect motherhood. “Beware the woman who takes even a small glass of champagne at a birthday party,” Badinter writes, hinting at the sinister modern framing of motherhood as a constant trade-off between the needs of the child and the selfish desires of the mother.
Gearing up for a football game, my son Tom once wrote 33TOM across his cheek. When he turned from the bathroom mirror to show his sisters, their laughter confused him. In reality, he wrote MOTEE.
Badinter and her brand of feminists have tattooed their own MOTEE across the foreheads of women for generations. And their love affair with the mirror has permanently distorted their ability to seereality.
Many of the so-called “cultish” trends that the author claims modern women have given themselves over to have existed at least thirty plus years. No, wait – I believe natural childbirth and breast feeding existed a bit longer.
Trends, fads and cultish behavior are the byproducts of new ideas. Giving birth to your child without unnecessary intervention and bonding with her on an intimate level (such as co-sleeping or breastfeeding on demand) are only new ideas in the minds of women who have embraced feminism as a form of external power.
In reality, the “trends” bemoaned by the author are actually a slow recovery that started a couple of decades ago when many of us embraced our femininity. We discovered that our bodies are a spectacular design that didn’t end with sex. When given the chance we are capable of almost unimaginable strength, resilience and an inner power no movement can give.
Personally, I find it refreshing that there is a new generation that has rejected the decaying ideology that claims children undermine our “status.”
Natural childbirth, nursing, doula care, healthy eating habits — are all these just cultish trends? Or is it that this generation has refused to embrace the shallow values of the “me” generation?
I tried natural childbirth. I made it about six hours before I cracked. Worst pain of my life. God bless epidurals but good for anyone who can do it without.
I’m with you. Thank God for epidurals! I almost named my last child after the anesthesiologist. I am a breastfeeding mom though. There are many reasons that range from altruistic, to financial, to selfish. I would not do it any other way.
I never had an epidural, but my first was in an Army hospital. They didn’t ask, just started in with pain meds in the IV. Total medical birth. So I’ve had plenty of pain medication. But later, learned as Diane did, and came to the conclusion that I could control the pain better without drugs by relaxing, water etc…
One of my daughters had an excruciating, ridiculously long posterior labor. The epidural saved her from a C-section. I don’t discount medical intervention when needed– just when it’s sold as the first choice or as normal.
Had 2 babies drug free… and a baby at home after realizing that pregnancy was not the disease the medical establishment made it out to be. Breastfed and all that jazz. This is how our bodies were designed to work. It’s awesome.
Feminists who think they just discovered these things crack me totally up.
That being said, I hear that epidurals rock.
I totally agree with you Rhonda. Our society tries to complicate everything. Best to keep it simple and not turn everything into a “movement”. Parenting is hard enough. I do draw the line at Alisia Silverstone(sp?)chewing her food for her baby and then spitting into his mouth. It may have been done for thousands of years but…ewww. I’ll keep my diapers and wipes too.
thanks for the link to Katie Allison Granju as she goes hunting on the French serengeti plain, and bags, field-dresses, and then hangs the antlers over her mantel- one Ms Badinter. she goes and has a life, and doesn’t write major essays, and we all forget how amazing she is. she’s better than any hemingway short story.
thanks.
As a child psychologist and a mom, I’ve spent lots of time discussing what I think is “wrong” with our generation of parents (myself included). Here’s one of the biggest differences that I think exists and that is that we are the generation who have all been to therapy and blame our parents for our mistakes. So, when the table is turned and we have children of our own, we are terrified of “damaging” them in the way we feel our parents “damaged” us. I talk more about it here:
http://www.themommypsychologist.com/2012/02/26/whats-wrong-with-us/
I couldn’t imagine having to get up and prepare a bottle in the middle of the night. Then washing all of those bottles. I don’t see any joy in that. Boobs, they are ready anytime, anywhere. Sometimes nature does offer the best ideas.
laughing!!
so with you with that. I’d poison the poor children with unsterilized bottles, or mess them up with poorly measured formula. I know my weaknesses. thank goodness I came up mothering in a AP positive town. My best friend did the drill in a not- AP-place, and it sounded like six years of hell and social embarassment. She’s a hero to me.
Ms. Badinter can go jump in a lake. I like it that every time she comes to an American college and tries to lecture, she’s hooted off the stage.
Laura and ari,
I could have written the same thing. That’s also why I never gave my kids pacifiers. I had visions of screaming children in the middle of the night, and me digging under car seats in my pajamas praying I could find one somewhere!
I did the entire attachment parenting before it had a name. Nursing on demand, co-sleeping, baby wearing– I just called it survival.
I think every child is different and as a parent you just learn to adapt to what works best with them. On one hand for their well being, but also for your own well being. I did some co sleeping with my 2nd and 3rd. My method was co sleep to sooth, independent sleeping when they were satisfied. It was the only way I could get any sleep and they gradually transitioned into being independent sleepers. With my first I was up most of the night while he cried, it was terrible. Motherly intuition is a great guide.
and, she’s a revolting billionaire, cosseted, marxist. dying in a gulag makes for far more shoddy parenting, than any bourgeous anything.
she fronts for nestle. which most professional femininists have the good sense to point out: it starves innocent third-world children, when their mother’s milk dries up, and they thin the formula. she’s shilling for child-murderers.
can we give her a rosen award?
Breastfeeding is the ultimate example of self reliance. I don’t understand why a poor person would give up a perfect food source that is naturally filtered for one that makes them a dependent. I am not suggesting that it is wrong to formula feed, I just don’t understand why most women want to (excluding those who can’t breastfeed or have trouble with it), when the land of milk and honey is flowing freely from their bosom.