10 Guaranteed Methods To Lose a Man, as Seen on The Bachelor
It seems that almost everything on television these days is reality entertainment. While most of it is completely unwatchable (Jersey Shore and Housewives from Anywhere), there are a few that some of us can’t stop watching (even though we wish we could.) For me, it’s The Bachelor. I’ve been watching this insipid show from the very first season and the inevitable spin-offs like The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad. I can’t help myself and the only explanation that seems to make sense is the escapism of watching 25 women and one jackass make fools of themselves every Monday night.
Maybe it makes me feel better about me or perhaps it’s the only way I stay connected to pop culture considering the rest of my life is filled with homeschooling, gardening, moon-shining, writing, and other 18th century pastimes. Mostly though, I have a desire to reach through the screen and grab these women by the forearms and shake them. It’s no wonder they’re all single. Almost every one of them make the most common and most avoidable mistakes while trying to land a man. Yes, I’ve made them, you’ve made them…who hasn’t? But the question is, why do women continue to make the same blunders that only provoke men to run away screaming? Sisters, learn from others’ experience! The following are 10 solid ways to lose a man.
10. Drink too much
Alcohol is not your friend in a first-impression situation. On The Bachelor, the production staff liquors up a room full of women to see the fun that will ensue. Alcohol is the most important set requirement on The Bachelor. Many contestants have reported that the first cocktail party is longer than 5 hours with no food and nothing to drink but booze. This combination leads to the explosive moments we love to hate including the over-emotional break-downs and cat fights. Without the influence of the demon rum, it would be a much more boring affair. If at all avoidable, do not drink on a first date! First of all, you may not know enough about your date to know if you can trust him in a situation when you are intoxicated. Also, drunk girls are annoying. They do things like repeat themselves and tuck their dress into their underwear on a trip to the bathroom. While memorable, this is not the impression you want to leave with your date (or on YouTube).
More important than impressing your date, however, is staying alive and unmolested. Know your limits with alcohol, don’t go out on an empty stomach, and drink plenty of water. Not only will you be more fun to be around sober, you’ll also be at less risk of getting into a dangerous situation that could have been avoided. That last sentence is going to get me into trouble with faux feminists who believe even drunk girls should be safe from rape. If only we lived in such a world — but we don’t and your chances of getting home safely decrease with each drink you take. Predators target drunk girls. Period. Don’t be a victim. (See the unfortunate fate of Natalee Holloway.)
The best EVER!!! I’m rolling right now. So. Funny. Homerun!!!!
Love this! Just in time for Valentines Day!! Great job!
Laughing out loud at this. Glad I wasn’t drinking anything–it’d be up my nose and all over the table! hahhahahaha!
I’m going to give you a man’s POV on this from someone that’s dated a lot in my life (I stayed single, intentionally till 42–I wouldn’t have married you if you had a million dollar check in your teeth) and have been married for 20 years as well. I’ll try and keep this brief!
Most of these methods are obvious and take no great insight to come up with. And most smart, intelligent women would never do them anyway. It’s obvious that the woman that wrote this is married and out of the game for too long too. Here’s a truism for you “because you got one guy to ask you to marry him doesn’t make you an expert on men.”
Secondly, most men (95%) are ridiculously moronic and most women have it all over them right from the beginning so don’t worry about mistakes….he’ll make enough for both of you!
But I said 95% not 100%…….if you’re looking for the good ones then we have another ballgame. These guys have been around the block a time or two and they know the score and they know who they are. They are much tougher to nab.
The biggest mistake you can make with them is to not jump in the sack with them relatively quickly because if you don’t….they’re gone…..vamos….adios….outa here! Because you my dear have competition that they’re already sleeping with or can sleep with if they want to. Your goals are very different which puts you at a distinct disadvantage! You’re looking for a potential partner and he’s nowhere near that.
I could write 15 pages on this but I’ll make my conclusion brief…..if you find a smart, funny guy who appeals to you and get’s you excited (and you’ll know he’s different than the 1,000 jerks you’ve met over the last 5 years) sleep with him quickly or he’ll be gone as will your chances with this “different guy”. When I was single you had two dates to sleep with me or there definitely wasn’t a third.
I’ve loved 3 women in my life and all 3 I slept with on the first meeting (not even a date; my wife included)…..I don’t judge women I sleep with and men that have any smarts at all don’t either.
These rules are fine with the jackasses….follow them but you knew that anyway. They all don’t apply to the “good ones” you might run in to……but you already knew this too!
Wow Tom, you sound like a real catch. I’m sure your wife appreciates the fact you would have dumped her if she didn’t put out on your second date.
You’re no good man, Tom. I haven’t lived half as long as you, but I can see plain as day that you’re an arrogant blowhard. You boast about how great you are when you demand sex from a stranger and in the same breath call every faithful Christian a jackass. Come back and talk when you’ve grown up, boy.
Hi. I’m Tom’s wife. What he doesn’t know is I’ve never stopped humping every man I’ve ever meet. Why just the other day the UPS man rang the bell. And, well you know, no girl can resist a man in uniform! Then of course those pipes needed some repair and,whoops, how did my T shirt get all wet. 20 yrs. of bliss, lady’s. Gotta go, Mailmans coming up the walk.
I agree Tom. The woman I am planning to marry slept with me on the first date.
Well, Tom, if women were men this advice would be stellar. Men want to sleep with every woman they find moderately attractive – fortunately, most of that cave-man desire has been civilized out of them and they restrain themselves from bashing women over the heads with their clubs and dragging them off.
Women are different. When a woman sleeps with a man, she’s giving him much more than a man is giving to her. It has been shown scientifically that sex releases hormones that encourage a woman to bond with a man emotionally, for one thing, and if she gets pregnant, well, the bulk of that particular situation’s repercussions are hers all hers. There is a problem with that difference when it comes to male-female relationships and sex.
Try doing the math. You, Tom, clearly did not marry every woman you slept with. Instead, you left a trail of women behind you (or maybe only two?) who may have had more feelings for you than you realized. The kind of woman you apparently liked to date tend to be more insecure, more depressed, and less likely to marry in the end. They’re also the type of damaged woman who go out and hurt other men who do NOT base their decision to have a second date on whether a woman puts out or not. In other words, guys, all those crazy women you’ve dated in the past? You can probably thank Tom and his ilk, who think God created the world so that it could be graced with their feet.
Thank God most men are not like you, Tom. I have two daughters, and I’d hate to think about trying to protect them in a world filled with Toms. I also have three sons, all of whom are more interested in women and girls for who they are than for what’s between their legs or under their shirts. Why? Because their examples of adulthood are strong, intelligent women who treat them with social respect and masculine men who treat women like ladies. I’m sorry, Tom, that your experience in life was clearly different. You have missed out on some of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.
Tom, no offense but the phony part of your argument is this. You’ve either only ever slept with 3 women or your strategy of catching the guy doesn’t work. According to you, you’ve slept with a lot of women on the first or second date and that is what the woman has to do to catch the man. Since you slept with all these women on the first date or two, howcome you didn’t marry them.
Simple….I didn’t want to get married. Can you understand that?
This is funny, well written, and stupid. Guys, you want to find a friend for life and a mother for your children, as well as a son in law for your daughters, look at this guy and weep.
Give it a rest, dude. Your a steorotypical locker room poseur. There is an internet meme for you, it’s called “internet tough guy” or in your case “internet Don Juan”. I thought Megan’s commentary was refreshing insightful from a member of the female persuasion. While I would rather bathe my eyes in acid than watch any reality shows, I appreciate her attempt to breakdown the stupidity of it all.
I had a “three strikes and you’re out” rule during my thirty years of very happy bachelorhood….what he is saying may not be popular but it is true. You women have one thing to sell when it comes down to it and you know what it is. Giving it away too easily is a mistake. Overpricing it in a crowded market, well……
Manfred………finally……you my friend get it!!!
Maybe to “get it” you have to be single for more than 5 minutes.
Tom
Especially number 4, take my advice, a man would think, well thank you for that, but no thanks.
Some women will never seem to get it, they think they will please a man, by giving them self away too soon.
Most men, will think that you are an easy sl**.
That is the secret, you just gave yourself away, to a stranger, you can’t get more intimate then that, and most guys will despite you.
Don’t believe the trashtalk on that darn tv, sex is not just fun, sex is a physical, spiritual and emotional thing, and you will pay the price if you don’t respect yourself.
Many of my “friends” said after sleeping with a girl, wow what a w**re, oh she is good in bed, no doubt, but I don’t want to be with a s**t.
And after that, of course he is sharing the most intimate details about you, just for laughs. Oh and this was in the age before internet, so go figure.
Are you sure, you wanna continue like that ?
Patrick,
This is your thinking and 95% of all men see it that way but not the 5% I speak of….not them.
How can I think something negative about a woman’s behavior when mine is the same. The men that judge women sell not only the women short….but themselves. I always believed that the women that slept with me did it because they liked me and saw something special in me because if I wanted to sleep with you there was something special about you.
A woman only has one question to ask herself no matter who she’s considering sleeping with……does this guy merit this or not……not “will he respect me in the morning” because that’s never the issue!!
Men that judge women using different criteria than they judge themselves are losers to begin with.
Tom
Maybe there is nothing special about you. Maybe they all – even your wife, assuming you are telling the truth – slept with you because they’d sleep with anybody.
Maybe they still would.
Ladies, I sort of hesitate to speak for my sex en masse, but you’re probably closer to the truth if you simply add Tom to Patrick, and divide by two.
From my many years working in safety- aviation/industrial/home/vehicular- it boils down to two rules, everything else is simply expanding on these:
1. Don’t do anything stupid.
2. Alchohol makes you stupid.
8. Statistics show the highest risk to a child come’s from Mom’s boyfriend (or new husband). Pedophiles target single Mom’s- somehow single Mom better be figuring out whether the guy wants her or just wants her kids. So, I can see a Mom not necessarily revealing this right away, trying to size the guy up and figure him out.
Yeah, I was thinking this too. When you have kids in the mix, there is unfortunately no easy answer.
I never made ‘passes’ at women to try and get them in bed. I waited for them to show interest in those activities before I would oblige. If they were to show interest at our first meeting or tenth or hundredth it would make no difference in how I saw them.
Megan, I do have one small criticism. It is a common mistake and, in fact, might be the reason many women are unhappy with their sex lives and approach the subject in a clumsy way.
“…giving it away like it’s on blue light special at Kmart.” and… “putting a higher value on yourself.”
A woman’s body and her affections are NOT commodities. Treating them as such is a big mistake. Trying to use them as some means of ‘barter’, or as a strategic tool is not going to end well.
Simply be honest with your partner and yourself about your feelings. If the chemistry is there and you are both looking for something serious….go for it, but not until then. There is no formulaic way to arrive at this. You will know it when it happens.
While your body may not be a commodity, your self-worth certainly is. And that is what I meant by putting a higher “value” on your self. It isn’t that sex is a trading mechanism (although it certainly can be) but if a woman wants to be married to a good guy and avoid guys like, well, like Tom up above in the comments section, treating her body like a valued thing is simply smart. Placing no value on it, i.e. allowing men to use it at will is simply stupid. Not only will it result in a personal self-worth issue but will devalue her in the eyes of her lover(s). This is a fact. Maybe men like Tom who insist on sex after the 2nd date (yikes) is an exception to the rule but you and I both know that most men see easiness as boring and/or undesirable. Where’s the thrill of the chase when she never runs? The feminists hate this basic biological fact about human beings because they want to insist that sex can and should be for orgasm alone, and for them, maybe that works. However, this article is about women who want to be married and can’t figure out why they’re not married. I stick by my assessment that many of them might be married if they hadn’t put such a low value on themselves in the first place. Perhaps if they believed they were worth more than a quick orgasm in the back of a car their date would agree.
I stand corrected. Personal self worth is at the heart of the matter and it is perfectly appropriate to use the language you used. I didnt think of it explicitly like that, but then I never saw a woman as anything but equal to myself.
For me, sex was never a qualifier for anything. Here in the south, many women are raised to think that sex is their trump card in a relationship and use it as a tool for manipulation. I have dated them and found it equally off-putting for them to withold sex or to engage in it for the purpose of manipulation.
I should also add that I have been happily married for 15 years. My wife and I would rather spend time together than anything. We are both constantly amazed and dismayed at how many people’s lives are ongoing train wrecks. We seem to be the only peaceful, happy couple in the state.
Megan,
You know Megan I am a good guy brought up in a house of only women (Mom, sister and grandmother)and I love my life, my values and who I am. We just have very different points of view on relationships and sex…..and how men view women.
The 3 women I’ve loved in my life were wonderful women, outstanding women who had a different point of view on themselves, relationships and sex than you as I do. There’s nothing wrong with your viewpoint for you and I would argue nothing wrong with mine for me and theirs for them.
I also suggest to you that I may know more than you do about what men think and react to and make judgements about since I’m a man…..does that make sense to you? What you refer to as a fact isn’t; it’s only your opinion as a woman!
You write from a point of view that you really have no frame of reference for since you’re not a man, which is why I think you’re way off base. Plus it’s really you making judgements about these women not me and not all men.
Bottom line your advice to women about this aspect of relationships is wrong. It’s what you think based on your frame of reference and what you want to believe to justify your thought process and behavior but it’s not what all men think especially the ones that might be worth spending the rest of your life with (sorry for the run-on sentence).
All I’m suggesting is that you be open to another POV that differs radically from yours especially from a man…..you’ll surely get the women to agree with you on this because they know as little about men as you do which is why they’re in the boat they’re in to begin with.
On second thought…..never mind.
Tom, perhaps you might note that there has been a grand total of one “me, too” in response to your clearly strongly-held opinion. I am thinking that perhaps the male psyche is far more diverse than you want to allow.
You might ask yourself why it is so important to you that you think all men believe the same way you do. I’m no therapist, but that smacks of some latent guilt or an ulterior motive.
People need to understand the concept of “being rewarded as a traitor deserves.” Anyone who is willing to cheat with you will be willing to cheat on you, and anyone who demands no commitment from you will have no commitment to you. It was this same logic that led conquerors to execute people who betrayed their enemies in order to help the conqueror- “Anyone willing to betray my predecessor will betray me, so I’d much rather kill the traitor and hire that prime minister who was loyal to my enemy to the bitter end than the reverse.” If you’re willing to jump in bed with a man you barely know, what reason does he have to think you won’t try to cuckold him?
Back in my dating days I had a relationship that was all about “teh sex” and it got old and boring fast. Being woken up at 4 a.m. because she’s “in the mood” is all well and good until it’s happening every night three and four TIMES a night.
A certain kind of man, you know an actual MAN, would much rather have to work a little. Look, if you’ve had more than three or four dates, and you’re not seeing anyone else you’ll probably have sex. You know it, she knows it, so why not just relax and get to know each other. Contrary to popular belief, real men like to have the occasional conversation. Sex wears off, someone you can TALK to is priceless.
I didn’t see a hat.
um Megan, you wouldn’t happen to have Coutney’s phone number, would you?
On #2, Sometimes the guy does see through it. It may take a while, but when we do, its big red flashing siren screaming run away.
That’s the best case scenario. If he doesn’t, he’s going to be miserable, and living with someone who is perpetually miserable really sucks.
RE: Men being emotionally weaker than women.
I actually believe this is a design feature in men, not a bug. The greater emotional strength women possess compared to men offsets the superior physical strength of men compared to women. This is so that both the man and the woman enter the relationship on a equal footing. Each is both stronger AND weaker than the other, just in different ways.
One of the tragedies of the feminist movement has been that women are SO FOCUSED on overcoming the natural strengths of men that they fail to see, understand, and appreciate the natural strengths that they have. Also, instead of recognizing upfront that the relative emotional weakness of men is there by design in order to balance out the power in a good relationship, many women come to despise men both for being stronger in some areas, and weaker in others – not realizing that this is by design, not by chance.
Finally, I have one son, and two daughters. My son is graduating from college this year, and my youngest daughter is graduating from high school. Of course, like any good father, I have taught my son to treat women with respect, and use his natural superior physical strength to benefit women, not take advantage of them. But I have also taught my daughters that just as a man has a responsibility to do the heavy physical lifting in his future relationship(s), they must also be willing to use their relative emotional strength for the benefit of their man, and not use it to manipulate or otherwise abuse him.
I hope all three of my children have gotten the message I have tried to teach them:
1. Don’t despise the opposite sex for their natural weaknesses
2. Appreciate and praise the opposite sex for their natural strengths
3. Don’t despise yourself for your own natural weaknesses
4. Use your natural strengths to help and uplift your partner, not abuse or manipulate them.
5. And finally, enjoy the differences between men and women. They are there by design, and they are marvelous and wonderful if you learn to appreciate them.
What a wonderful statement. I hope everyone reads this. Just wonderful. Thank you for posting.
I have found that women at work are often the emotionally weak compared to men. They personalize issues and blow them out of proportion. Often women are meanest to other women. They complain about men and their shortcomings but the reality is they cannot work together. I have seen this dynamic again and again. Also women like to think they are good at multitasking. That too is not what I see at work. I find that career women are not particularly well adjusted emotionally. Again, I see this dynamic again and again.
** The greater emotional strength women possess compared to men offsets the superior physical strength of men compared to women. **
Scott, I’m afraid it does NOT offset. Not all men hit/beat all women, but all women are aware that this is a possibility, at darn near any time, from almost any man. As you say, men have greater upper body strength — what’s a woman to do, try to TALK (manipulate) her way out of being hit? In 3.2 seconds, no less? There are many times the woman’s greater emotional capacity means diddley squat.
However, pls. don’t get me wrong here — I was all in favor of the research that showed men & women do indeed have diff. brains. Men have more gray matter, women more white matter and more connections between the 2 halves of the brain. That doesn’t mean either is “less than” or “greater than” the other; I’d argue that shows a pair bond between man & woman almost inescapable! So the old joke about “my better half” may have some grounding in reality. (not really “better” half — maybe complimentary half? Isn’t that what the romantic poets say, 2 halves makes a whole, neither of whom is complete w/o the other?)
But pls., don’t say these diff. strengths offset each other. Perhaps in a long-term, stable relationship (omg, did I just describe the male-dreaded “M” word?) the 2 sexes can compliment each other, but when dating this certainly isn’t the case. As far as I can see, any woman who puts out on a 1st date is pretty much asking for what happens next — he doesn’t call or care to ever see her again. That’s HER E.Q. and should be used!
Let me clarify:
I was talking about “good” relationship between a man and a woman. So, ideally, a man recognizes his wife is better at confronting and dealing with emotional stuff, and relies on her to help him deal with emotional stuff he would otherwise just avoid. Kind of like when a woman wants a pickle, but cannot get the jar open. Her nice strong man comes along and helps her open the jar. Otherwise, she just does without. Now a real a**hole would use his strength to just smash the jar, and criticize the woman for not using her own strength to open the jar herself.
Likewise, women should be taught to control their emotional strength, not use it to “smash” a man’s psyche by emotionalizing everything. This just leads men to avoid emotions altogether – like the woman eating her lunch sans the pickle. Where the strength of women comes into play is when they learn to use their emotional strength to help their man engage in his emotions instead of avoiding them. This requires that the man feel safe enough with her to open up and confront his own emotions. A woman who uses nagging, or blaming types of emotional abuse destroys the trust of an already hesistant man, and he will not open himself up to being hurt.
So, what I mean is that in a good relationship, both the man AND the woman use self-control to temper their strength so that it BENEFITS their partner. This can include some of what might be considered mild manipulation. After all, many women enjoy being “man-handled” if they absolutely trust their partner not to hurt them. It makes them feel even more feminine. And ladies, we men like being “woman-handled” emotionally sometimes too. When properly done, it makes a man feel even more manly.
And that is the crux of the matter. Do you give your partner a sense of safety so that they can engage in things they would otherwise just avoid? Does your exertion of your power make them feel even more masculine or feminine? Does it make them feel more loved?
As for ladies at work, I would suggest that much of what passes for women being emotional at work is just women abusing their emotional power and men avoiding their areas of weakness. Saying men are stronger emotionally because they avoid emotions it equivalent to saying women are phyically stronger than men because they avoid lifting that heavy box. It just isn’t true.
I disagree with you. I think the power each holds is so that there is a balance of power in the relationship.
Think about it. If a woman feels physically threatened, she will usually respond with emotional violence. If a man feels emotionally threatened, he will respond physically. This is true in both immature and abusive types of relationships.
I remember my grandparents talking about this. In the old days, if the neighborhood found out a husband was beating his wife, the men in the neighborhood would meet him one day, and take him out in the woods for a good thrashing. Men policed themselves – not the state. He would be “highly encouraged” to go home and beg his wife’s forgiveness. And he would be warned not to hit her again, or it would go worse for him the next time.
Similarly, a young bride who went emotionally nuclear on her new husband would be ripped to shreds by the other women in the community, told to grow up and learn how to be a proper wife, and start taking care of her husband without so much complaining. Women also policed their own ranks to ensure that young women were taught how to be good wives, and held up their end of the deal.
Both men and women understood that they had power and were taught to learn to use it properly instead of just abandoning their partner at the first sign of trouble. Society has changed a whole lot since then.
I think you are suggesting that physical violence is more damaging than emotional violence. I strongly disagree. Physical violence is more easily noticed, but it is also more quickly recovered from in most cases. Emotional violence is insidiously hidden, and can cause long-term damage if it continues without being confronted.
What I have tried to teach my daughters is #1, that they have power. Most young women are not even taught that they have this power any more. And they are certainly not taught to exercise self-control in the administration of the power they do not even realize they have.
I want my daughters to make their husbands feel like giants, and maximize the masculinity of their future husbands. This is because I know that what a woman desires most of all is a “real man.” And I want my daughters to have the very best. So I teach them that they have a role to play in making him the best man he can be. I teach them to embrace that role, enjoy it, and use it with wisdom and kindness, not selfishness and contempt. I know they will make mistakes. But I hope they will muddle through the difficulties and ultimately get what they truly desire – a man who they admire and respect, and who makes them feel like the best woman they can be.
You sound like a good dad.
“It’s important to note that men aren’t 12-year-old girls.” That made me lol.
Thanks for making me laugh this morning, really enjoyed your story.
Reality shows aren’t real.
The women are all actresses.
The “Bachelor” is, too.
They’re following a script, though they claim they’re not.When the show ends, they’ll collect their paychecks, and go their separate ways.
What’s happening on this show has nothing to do with real relationships—or real anything else, for that matter. Intelligent people do not take this stuff seriously, or derive little life lessons from it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f68VXKMZT1Q
Actually this is not accurate. The contestants on The Bachelor do not get paid. They sign contracts that if they make money it must be with the permission of ABC…so all interviews after the show are approved by ABC. Also, as for scripts, they do not have them but the producers will “set up” circumstances and then film the reactions. Trust me, if there were scripts, we would get better conversation than “Well, like, I love falling in love and, like, I really wanna be here, you know? And, like, I’m so totally falling for you.”
sigh. It’s enough to make you wish for scripted dialogue.
The reality is this. Presumptive paternity and no fault divorce render the marriage contract null and void at the very beginning.
She offered me sex. I had sex with her. What does she have to offer me after the fact? Other than debt, I mean.
Is she going to be my life partner? No. Is she going to be my helpmate? No. Is she going to be the mother to raise my children? No. Well, then, she’s worthless and I’m done.
She can buy her own house. She’s so much smarter than me, she’s so much better than me, she makes so much more money than me, she has a career! She can buy her own house, where she can sit at home alone and complain about men.
This is a female problem. It’s an attitude problem, and it’s her problem. The only one who is ever going to do anything about it is her.
I believe in the sacrament, but I also know that the marriage contract has been totally corrupted. There isn’t a woman alive who would agree to a fully binding legal contract whereby she is responsible for paying child support for every child her husband conceives, certainly not those that are not hers. But every woman will turn on a dime and expect a man to agree to a fully binding legal contract whereby he is responsible for paying child support for every child his wife conceives, even those that are not his.
We’re not talking about love here. We’re talking about money. There is absolutely no way I am ever going to agree to the terms and conditions of the marriage contract. Hell, practically every girl I ever dated, and I’ve dated hundreds, already had a boyfriend. What is there to make me believe it’s going to be any different when she’s my wife? Especially since I refuse to pay child support for some other man’s bastard.
Correct me if I’m wrong. She cannot abandon me, she cannot betray me, she cannot bankrupt me, if I do not marry her.
If women were serious about marriage, they would change the law. It’s that simple. Otherwise, all this talk about how to land a man is a joke.
“no fault divorce”
Go ahead, say unilateral divorce when that’s what you really mean.
(All the rest was worth the time to read.)
I agree with you about marriage and divorce laws being unjust.
That said, why would you date so many women who already had boyfriends? If they’d cheat on their boyfriends with you, then OF COURSE they’ll cheat on you when the occasion presents itself. But then, you are as culpable as they are, if you form a habit of dating women who are already in a relationship with someone else. You’re not very likely to meet and attract unattached women of good character, if you are not of good character yourself.
Your main problem isn’t with the legal system, or with adulterous women – it’s you.
I met them, I asked them out. They went out with me. Some of them went to bed with me. I didn’t care if she had a boyfriend or not, and neither did she.
The critical point here is the law, because I am held accountable under the law. If I marry her and run around behind her back, get my girlfriend pregnant, then I’m responsible for paying child support. My wife will divorce me, take half of everything.
But if my wife runs around behind my back, gets pregnant by her boyfriend, I am responsible for paying child support, even though the child is not mine. And there’s nothing I can do about it. The court does not allow evidence of any kind to question paternity is a marriage situation. That’s the law. If she’s your wife, they’re your children. You will pay child support. Period.
Don’t you guys get it? Presumptive paternity has been part of the marriage contract for over 600 years. One would think that men would have gotten around to changing that by now. No fault divorce was first signed into law by that great bastion of conservatism, Ronald Reagan, when he was governor of California. Figure that out.
Presumptive paternity and no fault divorce render the marriage contract null and void. She can run around behind her husband’s back, slap him with child support for some bastard that isn’t even his, change her mind any time she wants, and walk away with half of everything, including the house, plus child support.
Marriage is out of the question. The terms and conditions of the contract are completely unacceptable. There is absolutely no way I am going to agree to a fully binding legal contract whereby there is even the remote possibility that I have to pay for another man’s child.
I met her. I asked her out. She offered me sex. I had sex with her. End of story.
If she gets pregnant, I will support and raise any child that I conceive, after a paternity test. I will never agree to a fully binding legal contract that requires me to support and raise every child she conceives. You always know who the mother is. You never know who the father is.
She wants to come live with me? Fine, as long as she can afford to pay her 50%. And I keep detailed records, every house payment, taxes, utilities, food, a list of agreed upon chores, evidence that will stand up in court that we never shared property, we never shared money, we both performed sweat equity. That way she can’t claim common law.
I paid my half. She paid hers. That’s equality, right? And that’s what women wanted, isn’t it.
This is profound and sad stuff worthy of its own article.
Regarding emotional maturity, so it is ok for guys to say they are smarter than girls? Please.
Of course. It always has been; pretending otherwise was just another sh** test to separate the men from the manginas.
To women we men may appear not as emotionally smart, but we men know we are simply more emotionally stable.
And, once again—PJM used to be a serious news site. Now they’re peddling articles about how you can catch that man by paying attention to reality shows?
What’s next? “Life lessons you can learn from Jersey Shore’s Snooki”?; “10 ways to tell if he’s really, REALLY into you!?” “Oprah’s Beauty secrets?” “Beauty Secrets of the Beverly Hills Realy, Truly Housewives, as if you really care!”
PJM, you used to be better than this.
Perhaps you didn’t notice you wandered onto the “Lifestyle” section of PJMedia which offers a wide variety of articles covering all sorts of topics on culture and lifestyle issues. If you are looking for hard-core politics, you will find that on the Tatler and Home pages. And, might I note, for someone so offended at the topic, you’ve spent a decent amount of time here adding several comments, which we very much appreciate. One in particular stood out to me where you assume there is nothing to learn from the cultural morass that is reality tv. Judging from some of the very serious and profound issues and conversations raised right here on this thread about the nature of men, women and how we relate to one another would stand to prove you wrong on that one. Please, come again!
OMG! You made my morning. Laughing my brains out. Great article.
Glad I’m not single any more, but one thing I will say: all you single girls out there will have better luck finding a man if you *don’t* see every man you meet as a potential spouse. When you meet a guy, look for the opportunity for friendship. See him as a real, unique person. Get to know him. If things work out on a romantic level, then great. If not, then you have a loyal friend who enriches your life.
I call BS on #9 — riding in on horseback, quoting a poem and wearing nothing but a big floppy hat (ala Godiva) would certainly get and keep most guy’s attention.
Sour grapes, Gawaine’s ghost?
If she’s really nothing to you, don’t sleep with her in the first place—no, not even if she offers it. Problem solved.
I did a test once on a dating site. I posted my photo and listed my likes and dislikes and what I was looking for in a mate. I got only a few responses, most commenting on my looks rather than my interests/hobbies. (reading, history, travel, lectures)
After a few weeks I completely changed what I wrote and was far more flirtacious and superficial. I was inundated with messages after that. Same photo, different person.
Charisma seems to beat character almost every time.
A flirtatious message gives the impression that you are going to be more focused on the man you hope to meet, rather than on yourself and your own interests. It also adds a sense of mystery – the man wants to get acquainted to you to find out more.
This article was good for a laugh. But there is also a great deal of truth here.
I can summarize things by pointing out that getting someone’s attention and keeping it are two different things. Whether you’re a man or a woman, our society cultivates a sort of quiet desperation in the search. The women try to project an image of beauty, while the men try to project an image of achievement.
We didn’t notice it until we had been married for about a year. My wife and I visited a restaurant that happened to also be a popular singles meeting place. We could hear the tension and stress in the voices of the patrons, we saw it in their body language, and with the way they were dressed. They were all about image.
We looked at each other, relaxed, we grinned a bit, and then had dinner. On the way out, I turned to my wife and said: “I don’t think I’d have noticed that kind of tension before we were married; but now that we are, it is painfully obvious. I’m glad I’m not in their shoes.”
Once you meet, you have to slowly and carefully dispense with the image and get to what is real. The goal is to reach a level of commitment to each other that you decide to get married, settle down, raise children, and grow old together. You don’t get there with living in luxury, with sex, or with appearances. You get there with trust enough to peel away at each others psychological defenses, to see each other as flawed human beings, and to love them as they are.
You have to get started at this exercise before marriage, to know that your spouse is going to change and that you’ll have to change for each other, and to take your vows seriously when things do not go well.
Most people have spent a lifetime building up psychological defenses against the rest of the world. Marriage is different. Where sex leaves you physically bare to each other, a good marriage should also leave you emotionally and mentally exposed to each other as well. That’s a very difficult guard to let down. it’s a lot more difficult to do that then to shed your clothes with someone for mutual enjoyment.
That’s why I find shows such as “The Bachelor” to be unwatchable. It projects nothing but a shallow image of what looking for a spouse is really all about. I do not relish explaining to my teenage kids the sickness and broken notions that this show is projecting.
And, Gawaine, as 1389AD points out, it is better not to date women who are already in relationships with other men.
And, if you do, don’t be shocked—SHOCKED!—to find out they’re immoral, grasping cheaters. (What else did you expect?)
Sheesh. I come to this site to get away from this kind of uselessly lame commentary. I was on page three before I figured out it was about another mock reality TV show.
Sorry but I couldn’t resist one last thought on this and I promise that this will be my last comment:)!
I believe it’s hard to see my POV if you don’t have a frame of reference that’s similar. If you’re a woman it’s next to impossible unless you are very special and open minded (and not one female on this thread did). If you are a man you have a chance but probably won’t be able to see it if you haven’t been single for some extended period of time…that’s just how life works.
Here’s the crux of the issue. Single women, especially those that have been single for a while, have a different priority than men when they’re looking for a life partner, husband and father for their future children….they have an enemy in the clock. They feel pushed by time and therein lies her biggest problem. The clock is never a problem for a man, especially one that is happy with being single.
When I was single I had no such desires….I loved being single and never thought I would marry….I wanted to do what I wanted and have fun! And I did!!! So if you met me and liked me…….(heaven forbid and contrary to opinion of all of the women on this thread……there were a few in my life that did
!) you were in a real quandry. Sleep with him (me) or forget him because those were my rules and I’d be gone if you didn’t.
If you decided no then who cared….not me. If you decided yes then you stayed in the game but still at a real disadvantage because I didn’t want what you ultimately wanted.
Unfair but that’s life! I love these relationship topics and I, especially at this settled, relatively late stage of my life, don’t take them too seriously.
Ladies….just another POV to consider on the bumpy, but oh so much fun, road of life, love and happiness!
Tom
Yes, Jim, I know—what’s next? “10 Lessons you can learn from Snooki about the stock market!” “The Bacherlorette reveals how you can tell is she’s into you, in 5 steps!” “Life Lessons from Dancing With the Stars!”
These shows are all scripted. They are not real. The actors wear funny hats, reveal dark and terrible secrets or run around naked on the beach, and act they way they do, because they’re—actors! This is not real life!
The only lesson you can take from it is that T.V. audiences seem to have an endless appetite for this tripe, and PJ Media is now pandering to that.
Actually, Tom, I think any woman you dated was pretty lucky NOT to end up with you.
Sour grapes Betty???
Sounds like the green eyed monster to me.