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The 7 Most Annoying People on Social Networking Sites

These parasites of the internet suck the life out of attempts at decent communication.

John Hawkins


October 12, 2011 - 12:05 am

7) The Fan Boys.

I have no idea why some guys think they can show up on Facebook, find some attractive woman they’ve never met, talk about how pretty she is in every photo, compliment her excessively, and somehow turn that into a relationship. Does this work for anyone, ever? You never hear any woman say, “Oh, I met my boyfriend on Facebook! He just showed up every day, kissed my ass relentlessly, and then of course, it all ended in hot monkey sex!” What you do hear, however, are attractive women privately referring to people like that as “creepers,” as in, “That creeper creeps me out!”

6) I Just Tweeted To Say I Hate You.

It’s no shocker that people don’t see eye to eye, but it’s hard to understand why they would follow someone on Twitter who they vehemently disagree with on every issue just so they can show up over and over again to note their disagreement until they’re blocked. They’re like a cuckoo clock that pops out every hour to scream, “I just had to let you know you’re so wrong!” What in the world is that supposed to accomplish other than briefly annoying another human being?

5) Hey, Stranger, Can You Buy A Plane Ticket To Get To My Meeting?

If you’re having a Tea Party in Pig Lick, Arkansas, or you’re going to be in a play in Snooty Junction, Illinois, and you want to invite your Facebook friends, that’s fine. But how about taking 5 minutes to group all of your local friends into one list so you’re not needlessly bothering people you barely know who live 1500 miles away?

4) The G+ Smug Crowd.

Was there really a huge group of people out there saying, “Wow, we already have Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Myspace, but what we need is ANOTHER social network” before G+ hit the scene? Of course not. Honestly, I was hoping G+ would fail miserably, not just because Google is already an obnoxious monopoly that spies on you in your virtual underwear to get more info to sell, but because I didn’t want to spend time on yet ANOTHER social network.

And what’s so great about G+ anyway? Hangouts that almost no one uses? Freaking circles? Facebook has that feature, too, and no one seems to touch it. Yet from the moment G+ beta went live, my stream has been deluged with cartoons and comments about how much better we are than the poor schmucks who are still just on Facebook. Seriously? C’mon, G+ is just a classier version of Myspace; so get over yourselves!




2) Click “Like” On My Mental Breakdown:

This is where I earn the heartless Larry David moniker for saying something most other people think, but don’t want to say. Oh well. Let’s just get it out there.

It’s really strange to see people sharing their most intimate feelings on a social network with people they don’t “know” in any meaningful sense.

This is not just because social networks are famously overrun with nasty tempered trolls — poor creatures whose sole purpose in life is to try and fill the emptiness in their souls by mocking other human beings’ pain — but because it’s just inappropriate. It’s bizarre to tell hundreds of people whose only interactions with you have been giving you a thumbs up when you say “I love the troops” that you’re feeling soul-crushing depression or having a mental breakdown. Granted, when you’re not close to a lot of people and you’re feeling awful the thought process may be “any port in a storm.” If you’re in that situation and want to deal with it online, how about hitting up a counselor on LivePerson who can give you some REAL help or alternately even talking to some people who at least know you a little bit privately so you may be able to deepen your relationship by letting them give you a shoulder to cry on?

1) Facebook “Groupers”:

Hello, this is Facebook writing to alert you that you’ve been added to a group, “Stupid Group You’d Have Never Joined For Any Reason.” You were added by your Facebook friend, “person that you don’t even recognize.” You may also notice that you have 56 notifications. That’s because he not only put you in this group without asking; he made sure you were alerted every time someone said something on the page like, “How did I get in this group?” or “Who put me in this group?” or “Why am I in this stupid group?” Yes, we at Facebook don’t think this is obnoxious behavior. So we don’t even give you a setting to prevent people from adding you to groups without your permission. Ehr..what? Would leaving the group and unfriending the person work? Well, yes, but…that seems like an extreme step and…oh, you did it. Too bad. He was just creating another group, “Click Like If You Hate Stupid Facebook Groups,” that you could have gotten in on.

John Hawkins is a professional writer who runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. Additionally, he does weekly appearances on the #1 in its market Jaz McKay show, writes a weekly column for Townhall and PJ Media, does YouTube videos, and his work has also been published at the Washington Examiner, The Hill, and at Human Events. He's also the blogosphere's premier interviewer and has interviewed conservatives like Thomas Sowell, Mark Levin, Victor Davis Hanson, Mark Steyn, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Milton Friedman, Jonah Goldberg, Jim DeMint, Walter Williams, Robert Novak, Ann Coulter, Newt Gingrich, & Michelle Malkin among others. Moreover, John Hawkins' work has been linked and discussed in numerous publications and on TV and radio shows including ABC News, BusinessWeek, C-Span, The Chicago Tribune, CNN, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Editor & Publisher, Fox News, Hannity and Colmes, The Laura Ingraham Show, Minneapolis Star Tribune, MSNBC, National Journal, National Post, Newsmax, Newsweek, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Rush Limbaugh Show, The Tammy Bruce Show, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Hugh Hewitt Show, The Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Scarborough Country, U.S. News & World Report, and Human Events, where he had a weekly column. Right Wing News has been studied by college classes and even inspired an urban legend that was covered at Snopes. Last but not least, John Hawkins also founded and led the Rightroots group, a grassroots effort that collected almost $300,000 for Republican candidates in the last 3 months of the 2006 election cycle. In 2008, he consulted for Duncan Hunter's presidential campaign and was on the board of Slatecard, which raised more than $600,000 for Republican candidates in the 2008 election cycle. In 2011, he helped found Raising Red, although he left the organization the same year and went on to become one of the co-founders of Not Mitt
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