Did Jackie Kennedy Really Say That?
Ah, Jackie, we hardly knew ye. Maybe that’s for the best. Certainly we’re better off not knowing what you thought of us.
According to Caroline Kennedy, an oral history of her mother, due for release Wednesday, shows the former First Lady’s “intellectual curiosity” and “sense of what was right.” Judging by the excerpts that appeared in Sunday’s New York Times, it should do so very handily. But it should also show that the newly widowed Mrs. Kennedy could be awfully hard on people. Regarding the long and candid interview she gave to Arthur Schlesinger, Jr., which forms the history’s source material, the Times says, “Mrs. Kennedy displays a cool self-possession and a sharp, somewhat unforgiving eye.” That is to say, she dishes and disses with considerable verve.
Well, at a safe distance, I have always respected a gimlet eye. Since imitation, as they say, is the highest form of flattery, I have tried my best to capture the cool, self-possessed Bouvier-Kennedy style. Below, I’ve posted five original Jackie zingers, along with five knockoffs. I invite the reader to guess which are which.
1. On MLK: “A Phony.”
2. On George Wallace: “A ridiculously short man. I won’t talk to anyone less than 5’11″. It makes no sense.”
3. On Charles De Gaulle: “An egomaniac.”
4. On Washington’s National Cathedral: “It’s just a great, doddering eyesore, like Eleanor Roosevelt.”
5, On Indira Gandhi: “A real prune — bitter, kind of pushy, horrible woman.”
6. On RFK: “Bobby is a dear man, but his accent is atrocious. I don’t see how Ethel can stand to listen to it all day long.”
7. On Clare Booth Luce and Madame Nhu, sister in law of Ngo Dinh Diem, South Vietnam’s president: “I wouldn’t be surprised if they were lesbians.”
8. On JFK’s “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech: “I can’t imagine what Jack was thinking. ‘Berliner’ sounds so…Jewish. Oh, don’t sulk, Arthur.”
9. On why “violently liberal” women preferred Adlai Stevenson to her husband: “Because they were afraid of sex.”
10. On Barry Goldwater: “His name is horrid. It makes me think of pee.”
The odd-numbered quotes are real; the even-numbered quotes, fakes. Reading back over them, it occurs to me that the real Jackie sounded admirably direct and concise, or else arch and playful. My version of Jackie-ese sounds stilted and neurotic — less debutante than doyenne. I really need to get hip.
As a kid, I grew up knowing who she was. Every time she spoke it sounded like the valium was just starting to kick in. After I saw the docudrama “Grey Gardens”, I’m convinced she was just as batchitcrazy as Big and Little Edie. Her opinions about the people she speaks are probably not a good barometer. Then again…sometimes crazy people see the truth better than the rest of us.
I also wonder how she could have possibly believed Cuba was a real threat, unless she was acting during the Cuban “crisis”.
Um, because they had Soviet missiles and were acting under Soviet direction, and because stationing missiles there would be comparable to us putting nukes in Warsaw today?
Ha. Good reply. To add to that, Castro not only wanted the missiles deployed there, he admitted that he urged the soviets to actually USE them in a first strike. That some of our fellow citizens can idolize Castro (or his protege, Chavez) just shows how ignorant or ideological they are.
Cuba – sorry, “Cuber” – wasn’t a threat. Soviet missiles in Cuba were a threat.
Of course, we had missiles in Turkey or someplace. They were also a threat.
It was like a big chess game sometimes. Not like the GWOT – which is more like playing “whack-a-mole” and Russian roulette at the same time.
Were you alive back then? Those of us who were really had to confront the possibility that many of us might find oursels NOT alive in short order. It was the closest humanity ever came to a nuclear war.
I’m shocked to see there are people who don’t realize the seriousness of the Cuban Missle Crisis. It was the ultimate game of chicken which brought the world to the verge of a nuclear holocaust. I was 7 years old at the time and was quite aware of what was going on. I watched my parents sit in front of the TV every night, unable to disguise their fear and wondering if the country was going to get blown of the face of the earth. I remember being told to go to my room and do my homework, to which I responded what’s the point if we could all be dead the next day. That’s a heavy burden for children to bear and it forever affected the world view of an entire generation.
We used to have bomb drills in San Antonio, one of the places the missiles were sure to hit. Can you believe we got under our desks.
Welcome Back, Jack(ie)! Camelot!
I always suspected she was not the air head she sounded like, or at least others suspected she was because of her wispy voice and her femininity. She was a lady of her time and class. And a class act. Glad to see she really was nobody’s fool. She was in many respects the quintessential First “Lady”. If you need a comparison to judge how far we have fallen culturally remind yourself of who is our first “lady” now. Reflect on her truculence, her sense of entitlement, the wealth spent to amass a wardrobe of junk glamor and her welter weight championship belts. What a beast.
MO(Lobster) is no welter weight! Ha! She is right up there with Serena Williams! Scary …. But it was thoughtful they named the limo after her …. teeheehee ….
Jackie Kennedy-O, was a gracious and stylish woman. She was embedded in a powerful, political family dynasty. She proudly and most competently represented our nation as First Lady. Whatever her thoughts and turmoils in private, she was always serene in the public eye. The stories she could tell if she were still among us …. I was a little girl then, I am so much older now and I miss her still ….
“See how this one looks on me,
Just like Jackie Kennedy.
Now jump down turn around
Pick a dress of cotton,
Now jump down turn around
Pick a dress of wool.”
Alan Sherman? My parents had that album and played it all the time. The things we remember from our youths. I also know all the lyrics to Oklahoma and Camelot.
“Seltzer Boy…Bring me some Seltzer”
Somewhere on this planet there is some idyllic spot, perhaps an island or a mountain retreat, where they have never heard of the Kennedys. What bliss such a place must be.
And quite simply, there is not a more congenial spot for happy-ever-aftering.
AMEN! We’ll never see the end of them…..
What a pathetic cowardly wimp of a woman Jackie O must have been putting up with all the philandering her lying cheating husband did. Camelot dont make me laugh. The Kennedy’s are just one big joke. Starting with the anti British pro HITLER appeaser of a father Joe on down.
Thanks for my wonderful morning laugh and congratulations; the fake quotes fitted perfectly. James Michener once wrote a book in which he mixed real stories from the South Pacific with fiction stories. On rereading them later he couldn’t recall which was factual and which was fiction. You might also find this later when re-reading your list of quotes. There is nothing that delights this old curmudgeon and iconoclast like an outspoken critical statement about icons; and particularly so when these comments come from a least expected source. I’ll never forget an Edward R. Murrow program in which he visited the Kennedys and Jackie gave him a tour of the White House. I couldn’t believe that lost-little-girl-voice that made her sound half retarded. It seemed so incongruous for Kennedy, the rough trade customer and bawdy house type client, to have married her. And now to read this hidden part of her is an eyebrow raiser. Muchas gracias.
I heard an audio clip recently that shed more light onto Jackie Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson than all their biographies. It was after the assassination of JFK (not sure of the time span, but I think it was within a few weeks or months). In the clip, Johnson is offering his support and help in a warm, familiar southern way. In closing, he says, “Who’s your daddy?” Jackie responds with a blush (it seems) and a giggle. She wasn’t offended; she loved it.
Also, a woman who had the grit to keep wearing the blood-stained dress throughout the hours after the assassination so the world could grasp what happened is a person with an understanding of that moment in history, a perspective outside herself.
Sounds to me like someone on a first name basis with Dr. Feelgood and a closet full of prescription meds.
Alan Sherman? Never heard of him.
3. On Charles De Gaulle: “An egomaniac”
Can anybody argue with that?
But what are the answers (fakes)? LOL
I’ve heard some of the excerpts and immediately a word came to mind to describe her: vapid. I don’t know if thats how she really was or if it was the result of “medications”, though it seems like the latter.
Jackie O was yet another creation of the adoring media and it should come as no surprise that, at the end of the day, her socks had a slight odor, like those of the rest of us.
Jackie Kennedy had a bit more sense than we often realise. Why do we think she married Ari Onassis? Think a bit. She must have known that she should not subject her children to more of the Kennedy influence. Also, she knew herself to be what we now call ‘high maintenance’. For a while, she was costing Onassis $50 grand a day. Unfortunately, for John-John, blood will out: his rashness killed his wife, her sister, himself. Maybe someday, or maybe she already has, Caroline will be more forthcoming about her upbringing during the Onassis period? Caroline seems to have adjusted well to the realities of life—with the possible exception of the matter of that Senate seat. Perhaps that wasn’t her idea or desire deep down. I wish her well in life
She was a good sheila, Bruce, an’ not at all stuck up.
As revolting as the woman was, is it really necessary to associate phony quotes with her? People will remember both.
Fascination with royalty in our USofA is good when looking “across the pond.”
The Kennedy’s (and Camelot) are an institution We The People fought against and Declared our Independence from. We The Elite People (the Knnedy’s) are a throwback to a century of angst and turmoil in America’s history.
Why insist on a system of political philosophy We The People fought so hard to rid ourselves of?
Camelot ergo Kennedy’s, are a figment of ones imagination…a pipe dream.
Vote this 2012 to rid our Country of another President attempting to subvert We The People’s will by covert governance and corrupt dealmaking.
A command economy always fails in the long run…always. Vote capitalism, unfettered.
Why this fascination with We The Elite People…Camelot, puleeze. Is this the new paradigm for America?
Isn’t this elevating of The Kennedy’s to some supranatural status exactly why We The People fought bloody wars for, culminating in our Declaration of Independence?
We The People want our governance obeying our US Constitution, Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights…not some smoke and mirrors by We The Elite People (in Washington DC).
America is exceptional because We The People have wants, needs and desires our Representative form of government allows for them to be legislated. America is a bottom up form of governance, not a top down command economy… as envisioned by the Kennedy Dynasty.
We The People sympathize with the Kennedy family loss and suffering. But what their family envisioned for We The People would have totally altered the course of history and further divided our US of A into a “haves” and “have not” economy…just like today’s government, President Obama’s “change” and “transformation.”
Vote 2012 election, massive fraud like never before seen in our USofA will visit our “Land of Opportunity.” God Bless America.
Speaking of someone who is on medication, and apparently missed a couple of doses.
Strange voice. She sounds like Marilyn Monroe with a buzz on. Maybe Jackie *was* drinking. I read she and William Manchester would drink wine during his interviews with her for Death of a President, and that’s why she regretted some of the things that initially went into his book.
How could Jackie lionize her cheatin’ hubby yet find fault with so many others? Her criticisms of LBJ & Lady Bird are hard to take — they were very good to her after the assassination.
“Ah, Jackie, we hardly knew ye.” … I think you meant ‘thee’. Ye is plural subjective pronoun. OK, that’s my nitpick comment for the day …
You’d use the second-person singular with Jackie Kennedy? Who in heck are you, God Almighty or Gore Vidal?
Her anti semitism is showing.